Each week Michele Borba answers your parenting questions right here on her blog. If you have a parenting problem or question leave a comment on this post and you may have yours answered next week! 
My son is PETRIFIED of the swimming pool. He is 9 and had a bad experience before (nothing major, he choked on some water) and now refuses to go anywhere near the pool. I don't want him to miss out on any summer fun, but I think making him take swimming lessons might be too hard for me. Help!
I agree. I hate to have a child avoid learning to swim because it’s going to really hinder his social life. But pushing the swimming lessons onto a kid with such a strong fear can be hard. You can help him work through his fear of water with a psychological principle called “Conditioning.” It’s easy and will save you hundreds of dollars for counseling.
You expose a child to the fear in small gradual doses that he can handle until the fear is reduced. The trick is that the child has to work through the fear at his own pace. Pushing too much too soon can backfire. So you watch your child’s reaction carefully to make sure you’re not pushing your child too quickly and you’re also slowly increasing the fear so he can cope.
Suppose your child is scared to death of big dogs. You start by letting him play with a sweetest, gentlest puppy the size of a hamster and when he feels secure you increase the size of the dog until he can finally stand up to the neighbor’s German shepherd.
Use the same principle with water. You start by helping the child feel more secure around water by just having fun on a slip and slide with the sprinkler. When his confidence grows you move to a wading pool or a creek that comes to his ankles, and finally advance to the shallow end of a swimming pool. Try the swimming lessons only after your child experiences success in shallower water or you’ll be wasting your money. Even then find one very patient teacher who your child can trust, and then set realistic expectations. Your goal by August is to get him to feel secure in the shallow end of a pool. Next summer your goal is for him to swim in the deep end. And if the process goes faster just take yourself to the spa.
First keep in mind that the fear is very real to the child so never belittle. At the same time don’t overprotect him from facing his fear. Sometimes it helps to teach your child a fear-reducing statement he can say inside his head to counter the fear, “I can do this.” Or “This isn’t as hard as I thought.”
Click here to read more of Michele Borba's Q&As, or leave a comment below with your own questions and it may be answered next week.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of
Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essentail Virtues That Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing.
译文:
问与答：帮助孩子克服恐惧心理
每周Michele Borba都会在她的博客上解答你们有关养育子女的问题。如果你有一个养育子女的问题或疑问，请在这封邮件上留下你的评论，或许你就会在下周得到问题的答案。
问：我的儿子十分惧怕游泳池。他9岁了，之前曾有过一次可怕的经历（也不是什么大事，他曾在水中被呛到过）。现在他拒绝去任何离游泳池很近的地方。我不想使他错过任何夏季的娱乐活动，但是我想让他接受游泳课的课程对我来说可能太难了。帮帮我！
答：我同意你的想法。我讨厌不让孩子去学习游泳，因为这真的会妨碍他的社会生活。但是将游泳课程强加于一个如此十分惧怕游泳的孩子身上可能真的很难。你可以用一种被称为“条件作用”的心理学原理去帮助他克服对水的恐惧。这很简单，并且将为你省去数百美元的咨询费用。
你要让孩子去感受到恐惧，并逐渐以小剂量增加他所能接受的恐惧度，直到缓解他的恐惧心理。这个诀窍就是必须让孩子以他自己的步调去克服恐惧心理。让他受到太多或太快地接受恐惧可能会适得其反。所以，你得仔细观察你孩子的反应，以确保你没有使你的孩子太快地去接受恐惧，并且你也是正在慢慢地增加他所能接受的恐惧度。
假设你的孩子对巨型犬的死去感到恐惧。首先，你要让他和一只最可爱、最温顺、仓鼠般大小的小狗一起玩。当他感到有安全感时，你再让他和一只体形更大的狗一起玩，直到他最终可以接受邻居家的德国牧羊犬。
将相同的原理用于水中。起先，你要通过利用洒水器，让孩子从中感受到滑上滑下的快乐，使他觉得在水的周围更加安全。当他逐渐建立起自信心时，你再转移到一条到他脚踝的潜水池或条小溪，并最终移到游泳池的浅水边缘。只有当你的孩子在浅一些的水中有了成功的经验后，再让他尝试着去上游泳课，否则你将只是在浪费金钱。尽管那样，你还要找一位能让你的孩子充分信任的非常有耐心的老师，并且要抱着切实际的期望。今年8月份，你的目标是让他在游泳池的浅水边缘感到有安全感。明年暑假，你对他的目标就是能在深水区边游泳。如果这个过程进行得很快，你自己就能去休闲健身中心了。
首先要记住的是恐惧心理对孩子来说是非常真实的，所以千万别小看这个问题。同时，不要过分地保护他而不让他去直面恐惧。有时候，教你的孩子讲一句他脑海里所能想到的缓解恐惧心理的誓言对战胜恐惧会很管用，比如说“我能行”或者是“这并没有我想象中的那么难”。
点击这里，阅读更多有关Michele Borba的问与答，或者将你自己的疑问留在评论栏里，或许下周你就会得到答案。