The Children's Society, a charitable group in the UK dedicated to improving childhood, released scathing survey results this week that are none too flattering: A whopping 89% of adults feel that today's youth are far more materialistic and consumer-driven at much younger ages than previous generations. That survey also finds that kids most influenced by commercial pressures suffer more mental-health problems.
Of course raising kids in such a materialistic world with advertisers taunting children to
buy-buy-buy doesn't make matters easier. But let's face it, the biggest reason our kids are so darn materialistic is because we've allowed it. (Most of us anyway). We've obliged their every whim, bought them only the best name brands, and tried motivating them to “do good” by rewarding them with possessions. What's more, we aren't doing our kids any justice.
The good news is that the latest research from several universities shows there are ways to deprogram your child's materialistic streak. Using those parenting strategies will help your kid be more appreciative of those non-material everyday wonders of life, boost his self-esteem, emotional well-being and actually make him happier and more content. Best yet, you'll save yourself money and kiss away any guilt you've ever had for saying "no" to your kids. Get ready!
A Five Word Review - Is Your Child Too Materialistic?
Here are the five words that best describe materialistic kids. Think of your child's typical daily actions, and then read the following descriptions. Any one word can mean your child is slipping to the dark side of materialism. and it's time for an intervention.
Brands- His desires are based on name, brand, or logo and not on quality or price.
Stuff- The kid is a consummate consumer. Whoever has the most stuff wins!
Exterior- Clothes, appearance, gadgets, or accessories rule. Internal qualities are irrelevant.
Mine!- Everything is about his needs and wants. So what if those jeans cost your two-week grocery bill?
Unhappy- Despite all that you give him, deep down your child is really not satisfied or happy, and just plain wants more.
Okay... You admit you have a materialistic little critter on your hands. Take comfort. There are proven ways to deprogram a materialistic kid. It will take time and commitment, but the benefits are profound for your child and your family.
Here are a few of the best parenting secrets to help you succeed:
Just say no! Always giving in to your kid's materialistic desires doesn't do her any favors. Say no to unending whims and consumer demands, even if that provokes tantrums at first. And do so without feeling guilty. Then simply explain your concerns and the reason for your new policy, but, most importantly, do not give in!
Watch those TV commercials! Research shows that the fewer commercials kids see, the less materialistic they become. When kids' TV viewing was cut by one-third; they were 70 percent less likely than their peers to ask parents for a toy the previous week. So hit the mute button on your television remote and talk whenever those commercials are on. Turn your child toward more commercial-free television shows or Tivo his “have-to-see” favorite so he can cut out the commercials all together.
Spend more time than money on your kids. Materialistic kids go on more shopping outings with their parents. So be honest: How many of your outings stress non-material values? Make a conscious effort to spend time together doing things that don't cost a dime: Go to the park and the museum, talk, take bike rides, build forts, bake cookies, watch the clouds, and play Monopoly. Show your kid the “other” side of life.
Boost self-esteem. Research at the University of Minnesota shows the more materialistic the kid, the lower their self-esteem. All those clothes and electronics they own actually suppress their self-regard by sending the superficial message: “Your identity is what you have -- not who you are.” But you can turn that belief around by giving well-earned compliments that focus on your kid's inner qualities such as “smart” or “fun.” That research showed that doing so immediately reduced tween-aged kids' materialistic tendencies.
Rotate stuff. Instead of letting your child view his stockpile of matchbox cars, action figures, CDs or whatever, store some away in a closet for a week or month. Your new rule: when stowed items are distributed for play, others are stored in their place. The simple solution of rotating stuff makes bedroom cleanups easier, and helps kids learn they don't need so much to have a good time. Best yet, the returned items are more appreciated and treated like new.
Curb those rewards. “I'll do it if you'll buy me those jeans.” “How much will you give me?” “But I wanted the X-Box!” If you've heard those words from your kid, chances are he's been reward with monetary prizes and material possessions for behaving, working or just plain breathing. And materialistic kids who keep upping the ante want more. From this moment on your new response is to just expect your child to do the job or behave without compensation. Instead, give praise, hugs and pats on the back whenever they are earned.
Stop hoarding. Materialistic kids tend to be pack rats and the more stuff the better. To break your child's hoarding habit, provide three boxes labeled with one of these words: “Trash” (for ripped, torn, or broken items); “Memories” (items with special meaning); and “Charity” (gently used toys, accessories or clothing that other kids may appreciate). Then encourage him to go through his drawers, closets, and shelves. Explain that he should keep what he really needs, uses and wears, and put the rest into the specified box. Make sure that he helps you take the “Charity” box to an organization such as Goodwill or Red Cross to help him realize that not everyone is so fortunate.
Teach “Needs” vs. “Wants.” Materialistic kids often want things “N.O.W.” and don't stop to consider if the item is even necessary. So whenever your kid pleads for some nonessential thing he just “must have”, ask him: “Is it something you really need or just want?” Then outlaw nonessential, “have to have it now” spending.
Teach the habit of “giving” not “getting.” “Hands on” giving helps counter materialism more powerfully than almost anything else. So take your kids with you to bring dinner to a sick neighbor or to volunteer in a soup kitchen. Require your kids to give part of a weekly allowance to needy children. Choose a cause as a family: adopting an orphan through Save the Children; befriending the lonely neighbor. Let your kid feel the power of giving.
Model restraint. Research shows that parents who are materialistic raise the most materialistic kids. You're the best role model for helping your child cope with our complicated material world, so what kind of example are you setting?
If you do have a materialistic child... now what? Try these tips for deprogramming your child's materialistic ways.
Have an opinion on this issue? I'd love to hear from you. Leave a comment below.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of Building Moral Intelligence: The Seven Essentail Virtues That Teach Kids to Do the Right Thing.
译文:
你的孩子是物质主义者吗？
英国一个致力于改善儿童时期教育的慈善团体——少年儿童协会于本周发表一项不太招人喜欢的比较尖锐的调查结果。那就是今天的年轻人远比他们父母那一代人年轻时候更注重物质享受，更易受消费趋势所诱导。这个结果使89%的成年人心灵受到重创。同时揭露了现在的年轻人更易受到商业压力的影响，会遭受更多的精神健康问题。
诚然，在广告商诱导不断买-买-买的这样一个物质世界里，抚育孩子会更加的艰难。但是我们又无法回避，我们的孩子如此地追求物质享受，其最大的原因完全是因为我们的纵容默许造成的（至少我们中的大多数人是这样的）。我们满足他们的任性，给他们只买最好的名牌，试图通过以这样的物质奖励来驱使他们表现好，而同时我们也没有给他们以正确的引导。
有则好消息，那就是一项来自几所大学的最新研究显示有多种途径来消除你的孩子追求物质享受的癖性。应用这些育儿策略将有助于你的小孩更多地关注日常生活中非物质的东西，树立起正确的价值观，促使他学会自尊自重，在情感上提高幸福感，事实上这会使他更快乐，更具有满足感。而你最好是管好你自己的钱包，不要因为你拒绝了孩子的要求而感到愧疚。做好准备，用五句话来检查你的孩子是否太追求物质享受了？
在这里我们用五句话很好的描述了追求物质享受的小孩。想想你小孩典型的日常行为，然后看看下面的描述，只要你的小孩具备其中任何一条就意味着他正在滑向物质主义的旋涡里，是该你干涉的时候到了。
注重牌子——他追求的是名牌标识，而不是质量和价格。
重视金钱——他是个典型的消费主义者，认为无论谁有钱就可以获得一切！
追求外表——关心服装，容貌，小玩意，小饰件等外在的东西，毫不关心内在质量。
自我为中心——每件事情都必须围绕他的需求。因此一套牛仔服抵得上你两周的开销。
不愉快——尽管你给了孩子一切你所能给予的，但是在他内心深处却不是那么满意和快乐，而且要求越来越多。
好了，你得承认你家有一个追求物质享受的小家伙的事实。虽然这很让人头疼，但是值得安慰的是，已经证明有多种途径可以使小家伙远离它，消除这种癖性。当然这需要时间和责任，但是其意义的深远对于孩子和家庭来说有百利而无一害的。
这里有几条非常棒的秘诀，可助你成功育儿。
适当时候要会说“不”。总是屈服于小孩的物质欲望对他来说没有任何的帮助，对于小孩无休止的心血来潮和消费要求要学会说“不”。最开始可能会挑起他们的愤怒，即或是这样也要没有任何负疚感地拒绝。而后简单地说明你的顾虑以及你准备实施新政策的原因，这里最重要的一点，就是不要屈服。
看看那些电视广告吧！研究显示看广告越少的人，他们对物质上的东西越不在意。当年轻人看电视时间缩短1/3，他们中至少70%的人一周都可能很少向父母要一个玩具，而之前他们可能会。所以无论何时只要那些广告一出现，就拿起遥控器让广告“闭嘴”吧！将你小孩的注意力转移到更多的无广告电视节目上去，或者是让他看他必看的、喜欢的节目，这样他就会主动地切换掉那些广告。
多花点儿时间在你的孩子身上，而不是钱。追求物质享受的孩子大多是与父母一起外出购物。你必须诚实地看看，你有多少次外出购物是迫于压力而不是所购物的价值驱使？你是否很刻意地抽时间跟孩子一起做事情而不需要花费一分钱：比如去公园和博物馆，谈心，骑自行车，砌堡垒玩，烤点心，一起看云，以及玩“monopoly”等等，展示你孩子生活的另一面。
自我尊重。明里苏达大学的研究显示越追求物质享受的孩子，其自尊自重的意识就越差。他们所拥有的所有服饰和电子器件都传递了一个肤浅的信息：“你的身份取决于你拥有什么—而不是你是谁”，实际上这抑制了他们的自尊心。但是，你可以通过在他们理应得到赞扬的时候给予他们的适当称赞的方式将他们的自信转移到关注自我内在品质上来，诸如“聪明”、“风趣”等。据研究显示那样做可以缩短两代人在物质趋向上的差距。
轮番替换。让孩子每周或每月往壁橱里储藏一些东西，来转移他的注意力，而不是成天只关心收集他的车模，仿真人，CD或其他的东西等等。你可以制定规则：当他把储藏的东西拿出来玩的时候，作为替换就必须把另外的东西放回空出来的那个位置。这种简单的轮番替换的方法将会使房间更容易收拾整洁，同时也可以使孩子发现即使没有太多的玩具也可以玩得很高兴。这种游戏最好之处在于，轮番替换的物品永远都有新鲜感，就像新的一样。
控制这样的一些奖赏。“如果你给我买扭仔服我就去做。”“你给我多少钱？”“但是我想要X-Box！”如果你听见你的孩子提出这样的条件的话，那么说明他曾经以金钱和物质奖励为条件来做事和工作。物质主义的孩子总是想要更多更好的，没有止境。这一刻你的反应应该是期望他没有补偿性地做事情和工作。相反，无论他们做得怎样，你都应该给予他们拥抱或是轻拍他们的背以示赞许。
停止囤积东西的行为。有物质趋向的孩子一般都是囤积狂，舍不得扔东西，而且是越多越好。为了阻止小孩的囤积行为，给他3个盒子，分别贴上标签“废物”（应该撕碎、破坏掉的东西）；“收藏”（一些特别有意义的东西）；“慈善”（把一些旧玩具、饰件和衣服送给需要它们的小孩）。鼓励他检查抽屉、壁橱和搁物架，看看哪些是真正需要保留的，有用的，要穿戴的，然后把剩下的分类放到盒子里。一定要让他帮你把那个有慈善标识的盒子送到诸如慈善组织或红十字会，这样让他知道这个世界并不是每一个人都是那么的富裕。
教会他们“需要”和“想要”的区别。追求物质的孩子经常都是想要而不会考虑需要。所以无论何时，如果你的孩子恳求要一些你认为不是很必要而他却很想要的东西的时候就问他：“你真的需要呢还是想要呢？”对他的想要不予理会，而现在必需的就买。
养成“给予”而不是“索取”的习惯。亲手给予别人帮助对反物质主义比其他任何东西都更加地有效。带着你的孩子给生病的邻居或者是救济平民的志愿者送饭。让你的孩子将每周零花钱的一部分给那些贫困的孩子。找一个理由通过救助儿童会收养一个孤儿；帮助孤独的邻居。这些都能够让你的孩子感到给予的动力。
研究表明本身追求物质享受的父母所养育的孩子大多都跟他们是同样的物质主义者。孩子在对抗复杂的物质世界中扮演什么样的角色，父母成为了最好的角色原型，所以父母起到了决定性的榜样作用。
如果你确实有一个物质至上的孩子，现在该怎么办呢？试着应用以上的办法使你的孩子摈弃那样的癖性。