“…he was indeed admirable. He might be gone. But at least he left the world pursuing his passion, truly living his life the way he wanted it to be.”
As I typed those words into a mobile text message to my friend, a tinge of sadness swept over me. I sighed heavily.
About a month ago, a national disaster happened to the peaceful tropical island that I live in. 5 passionate paddlers of the national dragon boat team were drowned when their boat capsized in an unfortunate accident. They were participating in a regional tournament in Cambodia. And one of them was my good friend’s ex-boyfriend.
When death happens to someone you know personally, the feeling is very surreal. The former nonchalance is replaced by a deep sense of regret. Which lingers no matter how hard you try to shake it aside. At the same time, your fundamental values and philosophies get challenged. You start wondering “What if it happens to me, can I steadfastly say the same thing of myself? That I also lived the life I wanted it to be? Or at least tried doing so?”.
I’m not sure if I would say that in the past. But now, my answer is a astounding “yes!”
What about you? Did you try living the life you wanted it to be too?
The Law of Cause & Effect
Trust me. If you try hard enough, keeping your sight firmly on the outcome you want to achieve, the power of the Law of Cause and Effect will help you along the way.
In his book, 21 Secrets of Self Made Millionaires, Brian Tracy tries to put this into context. He explains that in life, for every action, there is a reaction. That means, if you’ve consciously made a decision to live the life you wanted to, this action of saying “Yes” will trigger off a wave of reactions that will bring you closer to the result you so desire.
When I first graduated from college for example, I started off as an auditor in a local public accounting firm and would’ve continued where I was. If I didn’t make the conscious choice to switch into something that I was more fascinated with - financial systems. And if it wasn’t for my next job in the IT sector, I wouldn’t have got to know that business associate who introduced me to a popular book on personal financial management. Without reading that book, I don’t think I would have been inspired to learn more about personal development nor be inclined to start my own business. If not for all this, I wouldn’t be here writing professionally on Goal Setting College.
You see the connection?
It just took one small bold step of going after a job I’ve more interest in to spark off that domino sequence of events. That is the power of the law of Cause & Effect. Without the first step, there can never been a second. Without the second, there can never be the third. Indeed, I’m very grateful for that.
And if you’ve been contemplating to live the life you’ve always wanted but don’t know how you should go about doing so, here are 5 steps you can consider. I truly attest to these because they’re the same concepts which made my previous dream a current reality.
(1) Make a Conscious Decision & Say Yes
Before taking that first bold step, you’ll have consciously agree to live the life you wanted. Because if you don’t, you’re simply deluding yourself and wasting precious time drafting goal plans, creating vision boards only to find yourself scramming back where you started from when the situation calls for a confident jump.
It happened to a friend of mine. She was always telling me that she wanted to go into real estate and be a high flying property agent. She had even taken courses and signed up for related memberships. But when she couldn’t find time to take client’s calls during her full time job’s office hours, she decided to just quit the part-time jig. Well, it seemed that I was the only one convinced that she had made the decision. The more important person didn’t.
Herself.
(2) Think of The Final Effect
What is it that you’ve wanted so badly that you’ll do anything to achieve it? Yes, anything. Including giving your precious time and energy to learning it, fine tuning it and eventually mastering it?
Many people will go for wealth. And they usually end up spending half of their lifetimes slogging hard for the money. Sticking to a job they didn’t like but paid well. Dabbling in all kinds of money making schemes only to give up when they realize they actually require a lot of work.
But ask yourself, would you regret not spending enough time earning another extra dollar on your death bed? Or would you relive not pursuing your dreams, treasuring the wonderful times with your partner, family and friends? You’ll probably go for the latter, won’t you? But if these things are so important that we’ll regret not doing it at the last moment before we die, why is it that we don’t pay them due attention now?
Well, it could be that we’ve taken them for granted after all. My good friend told me that after her ex boyfriend’s death, she would cry every time she heard a particular song. The lyrics reminded her of the fact that she didn’t treasure him when they were together. Don’t let that happen to you.
Fast forward to the day that you’re lying in your coffin and your best friend’s reading your eulogy to the congregation attending your funeral. What will you like it to contain? That is the final effect you want to achieve. That is the life you want to lead. And the legacy you want to leave behind.
To help you with this exercise, take a look at how mine would be :
You heard the howling wind? It must be her, Ellesse. It was just like her to stay around you and create a racket when everything seemed so solemn and dull. Yesterday, she was just around us, sharing her years of accomplished dreams and achievements. And today, she’s gone. Not literally. Because we know she lives in our hearts. Always encouraging us. Always inspiring us.
Yes, that’s the Ellesse we know.
Back in year 2007, when everyone’s chasing what others have set for them, Ellesse chose to defy convention and left the corporate world doing what she loved. We were shocked. But we gave her our blessings, knowing right from the start that Ellesse wouldn’t act without careful deliberation. Indeed, we were proven correct.
Over the years in which she had followed her heart, she was very successful in her chosen career, helping many more others achieve their dreams and lead the life they’ve wanted, than she had ever imagined. She also made many astute investment calls, owning one of the best managed investment portfolio among our peers. Despite her ailing age, Ellesse never lost her youth at heart. She traveled around the world, brought cheer to people around her and contributed back to her community as much as, if not more than what she had benefited from.
Thank you. We thank you on behalf of Ellesse for coming. Because we know she would say the same.
Yeah, that’s Ellesse alright. Always so grateful for whatever little she had. We will always remember her. Her cheerful personality, her vibrant smile and her wonderful legacy.
The above is also my response to my friend Peter’s (from IWillChangeYourLife) challenge to write my own eulogy, a project started by Todd from WeTheChange.
(3) Hold That Intention & Develop It
Rome is not built in one day. Dreams aren’t too. Keeping in mind the type of life you’ll like to lead after you’re identified your “Final Effect”, expand it in the form of a working movie. The more intricate it is, the closer to reality it gets.
Conjure images relating to different aspects of the physical scene you’re looking at and slowly add sounds, fragrances, colours and as many people as you like. Think of how you’ll fare in different dimensions of your life by then :
- Health & Fitness – Do you work out on a regular basis? Are you physically fit?
- Mental Wellbeing – Are you satisfied with your overall self image & your life?
- Emotional Condition – Do you in control of your emotions?
- Physical Attractiveness – How do you look? Suave? Elegant?
- Human Relationships – Are you spending quality time with your family? How’s your relationship with your spouse?
- Living Environment – Where are you staying then?
- Social Activeness – Do you have time for your friends? Do you participate in fun activities?
- Spiritual Happiness – Do you seek nourishment from your divine spiritual self?
- Career Development – Are you doing what you love?
- Financial Wealth – How’s your retirement planning coming along?
Hold that intention and let the images settle. Close your eyes and breathe in deeply.
(4) Determine What You Can Do Now
It’s easy to be caught up dreaming too much that you forget about action. That’s where goal setting comes in. Once you have a clearer picture of your destination, dive in straight to constructing your goals. If you need some help with this, feel free to download my free exclusive tutorial and start working towards your 1 year goals.
Goal setting helps you to put a seemingly distant dream into a concrete blueprint. And as you’re working through the goal plan, you’ll start seeing the law of the cause & effect in action, gradually evolving to impact the various dimensions you’ve intended the changes in and move you closer to the life you’ve always wanted to lead.
Slowly but surely.
(5) Be Scared, Be Terrified But Do It Anyway
While working through your goal plan, it’s very likely you’ll experience periods of fear and anguish. Instead of questioning and bashing yourself for being such a weakling, bear in mind that it’s perfectly normal to feel scared and terrified. Rant to a friend about it. Go for a spin. Drink some booze. But once you’re done, keep your sight focused on what you should do. And do it anyway.
When I told my last boss – who was based overseas - I was resigning for example, I actually incubated the courage for almost a month before I astutely told him over the phone. A seemingly simple act of saying “I’m quitting” can actually ignite such fear in me. Silly, isn’t it?
Luckily, my fear of missing out on my dream was much greater than that. I did it. And here I am, writing and signing off this article now.
Phew, what a close shave!
译文:
如何开始你想要得生活
"...他多么得令人钦佩。他也许已经离去。但至少，他把这个世界抛于脑后去追求自己对生活得热情，真正的按照他自己所期望的方式生活。”
当我把以上这句话编辑成短信发给我的朋友时，一丝悲伤袭上心头。我深深地叹了口气。
大约一个月前，一场全国性地灾难席卷了我所居住的安宁的热带岛屿。5名热情洋溢的国家龙舟队的划桨者在一次以外的翻船事故中溺水身亡。当时他们正在参加Cambodia的区域锦标赛。而且他们其中的一位是我好朋友的前男友。
当死亡降临在你认识的人身上时，你会有种不现实的感觉。之前对那个人的冷漠心情会被一种深深的悔恨替代，这种悔恨挥之不去，不论你多么努力得想去摆脱它。同时，你的基
本价值观和人生观也随之发生了变化。你开始思索“如果这发生在我身上，我能坚定地说出同样地话吗？我也是按照自己想要得方式生活，还是厌倦了我所忙于得事务？”
如果在过去我不敢确定我会这么说，但现在，我的答案是个惊人得肯定“没错！”
那你呢？你曾试过按你喜欢得方式生活吗？
因果联系得规律
相信我。如果你够努力，把你的视线紧盯在你想得到地结果上，那么因果规律地力量就能一路上助你前行。
在Brian Tracy的书《自制百万富翁的21个秘密》中就试着把这个规律放入其中。它解释说在生活中，每个行动都会产生结果。这就意味着，如果你有意识做了过自己想过的生活这个决定，那么你坚定地说“是”地回答将会引起一连串地反应，这些反应将带你离你想要地结果更进一步。
例如，当我最初想从大学毕业，我从一个当地公共会计公司地稽核员做起，而且本来也可以继续那里地工作。如果我没有选择转向去做我更着迷地一些事情——金融体制，如果不是我接下来在IT行业地工作，我就不会认识那个业务上地合作者，正是他给我介绍了一本受欢迎地个人财务管理地书。如果没有阅读这本书，我想我不会被激励去学更多有关个人发展地东西也不会有成立自己公司地意向。如果没有以上这些，我也不会在Goal Wetting College上写这篇职业文章。
你能看到事物间的联系吗？
追求一个我更感兴趣的职业只需那很小确很大胆的一步，开始象多米诺骨牌一样的连锁反应。这就是因果联系规律的力量。要是没有第一步，就永远不会有第二步，要是没有第二步，也就永远没有第三步。的确，我对这点很感激。
如果你已经考虑去过你一直想过的生活但却不知道该如何去做，一下就是你可以借鉴的5个步骤。对此我确实可以证明，因为它们就是那些把我先前梦想变为现实的概念。
（1）做出清醒的决定&对它表以肯定
在你采取第一步大胆行动之前，你得对按自己方式生活得决定予以赞同。因为如果你并不同意，那你只会简单地欺骗你自己，浪费之前的时间来描绘目标计划地蓝图，放宽自己的视野却发现当情况需要你做出自信的一跃时，自己已回到以前刚开始的地方。
这就曾发生在我一个朋友身上。她以前总对我说她想进入房地产界，成为一个高级财产代理人。她甚至去参见相关课程，也加入了相关的机构组织。可是当她在工作不能抽空去接客户的电话时，她就决定退出这个短暂的兼职工作。我看起来似乎时唯一一个确信她自己做了这个决定的人。但更加重要的人不会象她这么做。
（2）顾及到后果
那些你很渴望，而且愿意为此做任何事来得到的是什么？没错，任何事。包括花费你宝贵的时间来学习它，很好的反转局势，直到最后操纵它？
很多人愿意追求财富。结果他们通常花了半生的时间拼命挣钱。坚守一个他们不喜欢却有很好报酬的工作。涉足各种挣钱计划，但当他们真正意识到这些计划需要很多工作时就会放弃。
但是问问你自己，你会为没有花足够时间赚更多钱来买棺材而惋惜吗？或者你会从没有追寻你的梦想，珍惜和你伙伴，家庭，朋友共度的时光的懊悔中解脱出来？你可能会为后者而奔波，不是吗？但是，如果这些事情真的这么重要，以至于如果我们没有做这些事会在死前的最后一刻为其悔恨，既然如此为什么我们不现在就对这些事加以注意呢？
然而，原因可能是我们毕竟认为它们理所当然。我的好朋友告诉我，她的前男友死后，每次听到特定的一首歌都会哭。那首抒情歌让她想起当他们俩在一起的时候是她不懂得珍惜这个事实。不要让这种事发生在你的身上。
快进到那天，你躺在自己的棺材里，你的最好的朋友为参加你葬礼的人宣读你的颂词。你希望你的颂词里能包括那些内容？那是你最终想达到的效果。那是你想要过的生活。也是你想要留下的遗产。
为了帮你练习这些步骤，我列出我的以供参考：
你听过咆哮的风吗？那一定是她，Ellesse.当你周围的一切都过于严肃和无趣，那么在你身边制造纷乱正是她的风格。昨天，她就和我们在一起，和我们分享她多年来取得的成就和完成的梦想。但今天，她就走了。请不要从表面上来理解。因为我们知道Ellesse就存在于我们的心中。一直在鼓励激发着我们。
没错，这就是我们所熟知的Ellesse。
让我们回到2007年，当每个人都在追求他人为自己设定的目标时，Ellesse选择不理惯例，离开公司，做自己爱做的事。我们对此深表震惊。我们从开始就知道Ellesse作出决定是经过深思熟虑的，我们只能给与她真诚的祝福。事实上，我们是对的。
在她遵从了自己愿望的那几年里，她的事业十分成功，她帮很多人实现了他们的梦想，过他们想过的生活，远远超过她自己的想象。她也做了几项精明的投资，拥有同行中运营最好的投资公司。除去她生病的那段时间，Ellesse从未让自己的内心失去青春活力。她环游世界，把欢乐带给身边的人，回来后又为她的社区做了很多贡献，同时也从中收获了很多。
感谢你。我们感谢你代表Ellesse前来。因为我们知道她会说同样的话。
是的，那就是Ellesse。就算她一无所有也始终满怀感激。我们将永远铭记她。她开朗的性格，耀眼的笑容和留下的宝贵精神财富。
以上也是我应我的朋友Peter（来自IWillChangeYourLife）的要求写下的悼词，也是一个由Todd最先开始的项目。
（3）坚持自己的目标&并发展它
罗马不是一天建成的，梦想也是。在你认定自己做了“最终努力”之后，始终记住你喜欢的生活方式，并把它扩大为行动。情况越复杂，它离现实也就越近。
许愿时浮现的画面和你正看到的景象的不同角度有关，然后，慢慢加上声音，香味，颜色和你喜欢的形形色色各种人。试想一下那时你生活的不同层面会有怎样的进展：
健康状况——你有规律得去健身吗？你身体健康吗？
精神状态好——你对你得外在形象和你得生活满意吗？
感情情况——你能控制自己得情绪吗？
外貌特征——你长相如何？娴雅？优雅？
人际关系——你花大量时间陪你的家人吗？你和配偶关系如何？
居住环境——你住在哪里？
社交活动——你有时间和你的朋友呆在一起吗？你参加有趣的活动吗？
精神愉悦——你能不断更新自己的精神世界吗？
事业发展——你正在从事你热爱的职业吗？
经济状况——你如何计划未来的养老生活？
坚持这个目标，让这些图象展现出来，闭上眼睛，深呼吸。
（4）下决心做你现在能做的事
人们很容易一心只顾着做梦而忘记付诸行动。那就是需要设定目标的地方，一旦你有了目的地清晰的图景，笔直得超它行进去设立目标。如果你在这方面需要帮助，那请下载我的免费个人指导，并开始制定未来1年的目标。
设定目标能帮你把看上去遥远得梦描绘成具体得蓝图。一旦你开始实行计划，你就会开始感觉到因果规律发生作用，逐渐影响你希望发生变化得生活各方面，并把你超你理想得生活带得更近。
这个过程虽然漫长，但必然发生。
（5）有畏惧心理，但不管怎样还是坚持下去
执行你的目标计划时，你很可能会经历一个害怕，痛苦得阶段。记住一点，感到害怕和恐惧是很正常的，而不是责问，怪罪自己是胆小鬼。你可以向朋友倾诉一切，或出去兜风，去畅饮一回。但你一做完这些，把目光放在你应该做得事上，坚持做下去。
例如，当我告诉我上个国外长大得老板，我要辞职，为能在电话上告诉他这个，我足足酝酿了一个月得勇气。说“我要辞职”看起来简单，却能让我心生害怕。这很傻，不是吗？
幸运得是，我害怕错过实现我梦想得机会比失去工作要大得多。所以我那么做了。所以我现在能在这里，写下并发表这篇文章。