Introduction by Kevin
What does it mean to cherish our kids? Many parents, including dads like myself sometimes tend to get so wrapped up with work and careers, that we sometimes forget how much our kids need us. Perhaps one of the greatest days in my life was when my son was born. I was so happy and overwelmed my hands shook a little and my voice quivered a bit as I held him for the first time. For me, when I get busy, or frustrated, I think of this. What it does for me is to put everything back in prospective. It helps me find the time, or become less frustrated around my kids. Jobs and problems will come and go, but family is forever, and that is what is most important. Pam Leo in this article helps remind us how much our kids need us, and how important it is to let them know how much they are truely loved.
"Shower the people you love with love."
- James Taylor
Cherishing Our Children by Pam Leo
What does it mean to cherish our children? I don’t think I’ve even heard the word cherish used since the days when it was the title of a popular song. The admonition not to spoil children has been part of our parenting culture for so long that most parents are reluctant to shower love abundantly on their children for fear of spoiling them. Cherishing our children does not mean buying them everything, giving them anything they want, letting them do anything they want or not teaching them acceptable behavior. That would be spoiling them. The word, cherish, as defined in my dictionary means: to hold dear; feel or show love for; to take good care of; protect. Tender, loving care is the foundation of cherishing children.
Children thrive when they are given abundant attention, affection, acceptance, appreciation, respect and unconditional love. It’s true that all children need at least one person "who thinks the sun rises and sets on them." No matter how much we adore our children, there will still be times when we are impatient with them, get angry with them, and don’t meet their needs. Children are much more resilient in those times if they have a reservoir filled with feeling unconditionally loved, respected, valued and cherished. Parents who complete my "Meeting the Needs of Children" series keep asking me, "What’s next? Is there another level of classes?" In response to this feedback, I am creating a new class called "Cherishing Our Children." As parents we are often so busy and so focused on all the things we have to do to care for children that we don’t do enough of the things that really show our children how much we love them. This class will focus on ways of being with children that communicate to them that they are welcome, wanted, unconditionally loved, respected, honored, valued and cherished.
April is Child Abuse Prevention Month in the United States. We have a long way to go to transform our country into one that not only protects but also welcomes and cherishes children. There are many organizations working to end the abuse and neglect of children. Appropriately, most of their work is devoted to educating and supporting parents and care givers in more nurturing treatment of the children in their care. However, the nurturing of children is not only the job of parents and care givers. Children do not grow up only in families. They are part of our community. Whether we have children or not, everyone can make a difference in the lives of children. Children need to feel welcome, wanted, respected and valued in their community as well as in their family.
Think of all the places in the community that parents and care givers go with children. With the exception of those businesses designed specifically to care for or entertain children, most public places are not very welcoming to children or to parents accompanied by children. How stressful it is when your child has to "go" and you find that you are in a public place has no "public" bathroom? How stressful is it to go places with children where there is nothing for children to do but wait while parents do what they need to do? Children’s behavior is very much affected by how they are treated. Children know right away if they are welcome when they enter an environment. What a difference it would make if public places were more child-friendly. Happy children behave better than unhappy children do. Less stressed parents parent better than more stressed parents.
A child-friendly environment is one that respects, honors and accommodates the needs of children and their parents. Imagine a world where any place you go with your children, there are public bathrooms and both men’s and ladies’ rooms have changing tables. Imagine quiet corners where you can nurse your baby or where tired parents and children can have re-group time with a storybook and a healthy snack. Imagine designated parking places for pregnant or new mothers and special check out lines for people shopping with young children. Imagine that everywhere you go with your children they are warmly greeted and welcomed to play in their children’s area while you do your banking, get a prescription, pay a bill, etc. This is what a child-friendly world would look like. For an even better description of a child-friendly culture read the article on Sweden’s Family Friendly Society in the Nov/Dec 2001 issue of Mothering Magazine. I want to live in a child-friendly community. Don’t you?
Through my work with the Alliance for Transforming the Lives of Children (www.aTLC.org) I have become aware of many individuals and organizations working to improve the way children are treated and cared for in our culture. One organization that I am very excited about is the Child-Friendly Initiative. This grassroots, nonprofit organization is working to help families and communities promote "a welcoming attitude towards children in public places." The Child-Friendly Initiative has created criteria for their Child-Friendly Seal of Approval. Businesses and other public places that meet these criteria can apply for or be nominated for the CFI Seal of Approval. Once approved they will receive the Child-Friendly decal to display and will be listed in CFI database on their web site, www.childfriendly.org where parents can look to find child-friendly establishments to patronize in their community.
When I went to the Child-Friendly Initiative web site database to see what child-friendly places we have in Maine there were none listed. Since I personally know of some very child-friendly businesses here in Maine I questioned why they were not listed. Michele Mason, founder of the Child-Friendly Initiative, explained to me that CFI is a volunteer organization and volunteers are needed to start local CFI chapters in communities in each state. Maine needs volunteers to nominate child-friendly businesses and facilities for the CFI Seal of Approval and to support those who are willing to meet the criteria to become approved as child-friendly.
It is not difficult or expensive for any business or public facility to meet the Child-Friendly criteria. Our children need to be cherished by their families AND by their communities. Each of us can approach at least one business or public facility that we patronize and tell them that we would like to nominate them for the Child-Friendly Seal of Approval and ask them what we could help them do to meet the criteria. If you are already a child-friendly business or facility you can now be recognized and publicized on the CFI database. Creating child-friendly communities becomes a win-win for everyone. Parents, the majority of consumers, are far more likely to patronize businesses they know are child-friendly. Children who grow up being valued and respected by their community are far more likely to value and respect their community.
We can all play a part in cherishing our children. Parent & Family Paper has agreed to support creating child-friendly communities by providing space in each issue to acknowledge and appreciate those businesses and facilities that gain the Child-Friendly Seal of Approval. I will support parents in cherishing children in the family by offering the "Cherishing Our Children" parenting workshop. Every person who reads this article can cherish children by getting even one place to become approved as child-friendly. If those who have family and friends in other states and other countries will enroll them in creating child-friendly communities we will soon have a child-friendly world.
Now more than ever our children need a child-friendly world. Now more than ever our children need to be cherished. Now more than ever our world needs every person on the planet to do his or her part. When everyone does a little we can accomplish a lot. If you have children, work with children or care about anyone who does, please get involved in this effort. Let’s make "Maine, the way life should be" as true for our children as it is for our visitors. Let’s make Maine a child-friendly state and lead the nation in becoming a country that protects, honors, respects and cherishes our children.
译文:
珍爱孩子们
序言
——Kevin
珍爱孩子意味着什么？包括我在内的许多父母有时过分关注工作和事业，而忘记了孩子是多么地需要我们。我生命中最重要的日子之一应该就是我儿子出生那时。我是如此喜悦，当第一次抱着他时，我的手微微发抖，声音也有几许颤抖。当我忙碌或沮丧时，就会想起这些。这能让我重新掌控一切。围绕在孩子身旁可以让我有所闲暇，或不再那么沮丧。工作与难题会变化不断，而家庭是永恒的，这是最最重要的。本文中的Pam Leo提醒了我们孩子是多么需要我们，而让他们知道我们的爱是多么重要。
对你爱的人倾注你的爱
——James Taylor
珍爱孩子
——Pam Leo
珍爱孩子意味着什么？“珍爱”一词曾是一首歌曲的名字，至此之后我就再没听到过这个词的使用了。长久以来，不要溺爱孩子的告诫已成为父母教养中的一部分，以致现在大部分父母都不愿意对孩子过多倾注爱，生怕宠坏他们。珍爱孩子并不意味着可以给他们买任何东西，提供任何他们想要的，允许他们随心所欲做事情，而不去教会他们合适的行为举止。这样的确会宠坏孩子的。在我的字典中，“珍爱”一词的定义是：包容，表达关爱，贴心照顾与保护。体贴入微的关怀是珍爱孩子的基础。
当给与孩子充分的关注、关爱、赞同、欣赏、尊重和无条件的爱时，他们才能茁壮成长。所有的孩子都至少需要一位全心全意的照料者。不管我们多么喜爱我们的孩子，总有些时候我们会对他们不耐烦，生气，或不满足他们的要求。如果孩子感受到了无条件的爱、尊重、重视与珍爱，他们会更加富有活力。一些家长在完成了我的“满足孩子的需求”系列之后，仍不停问我，“接下来该是什么？还有另一层次的课程么？”对此，我正在建立一门“珍爱孩子”的新课程。由于父母太忙，太注重照顾孩子的方方面面，而在情感表达上很不够。这门课程将立足于与孩子相处时，如何让孩子感觉到他是受欢迎的、无条件被关爱的、得到尊重、尊敬、重视与珍爱的。
四月是美国的防止虐待儿童月。要把我们的国家转变成一个不仅保护儿童，同时也欢迎和珍爱儿童的国家，道路仍很漫长。许多组织都在努力使儿童不再受虐待和忽视。一般来说，这些组织的大部分工作是为父母和看护人在抚育方式上提供教学和支持。然而，孩子们的抚养不仅仅只是父母和看护人的工作。孩子们不只生长在家庭中。他们是社会的一部分。不管我们是否有孩子，在孩子的生活中，每个人都是不一样的。不论在家里或是社会中，孩子都需要感觉到受欢迎、被需要、被尊重和重视。
想一想父母或看护人和孩子一起出现的各种公共场合。除了某些场合是特意为照料或娱乐孩子而设计的，大部分的公共场合并不十分欢迎孩子或带孩子的父母。当你发现某个公共场合没有公厕，而你的孩子有所需要时，这是多么大的压力！当你所去的地方只能为大人所用，而孩子除了等待别无它法时，这又是多大的压力！孩子受到的对待将很大程度上影响到他们自身的行为举止。当孩子们一进入到某个环境中，他们可以很快感受自己是否受欢迎。如果公共场合对孩子们更加友好的话，结果会有多大的不同啊！
一个对孩子友善的地方是能够尊重、尊敬和适应孩子与父母的各种需求。想象一下无论你和孩子在哪，都可以找到公厕。想象一下在安静角落里，你可以哺育孩子，或者疲倦的父母和孩子可以通过故事书和小憩来恢复精力。想象一下停车场有孕妇和新妈妈的专位，商场中额外为带着年幼孩子购物的父母开辟结帐通道。想象一下无论父母和孩子去哪，孩子们都受到很热烈的欢迎，并且设置了儿童专区，以方便正在存钱、买药、付账等的父母。那才是“礼待儿童”应该有的面貌。《Mothering》杂志2001年11-12期上“瑞典人的礼待家庭社会”中更好地描述了“礼待儿童文化”。我就想生活在一个“礼待孩子”的社会中。你不想么？
通过我在“改变儿童生活联盟”（www.aTLC.org）的工作，我已经意识到许多个人和组织正在努力改善我们文化中对待和照顾孩子的方式。其中让我为之兴奋的一个组织就是“儿童友善计划CFI”。这个平民非盈利性组织正努力帮助家庭和社会促进“公共场合对待儿童态度热情”。CFI已经为他们的“儿童友善印章证明”建立了相应的标准。达到这些标准的商家或其他公共场所可以申请或提名为CFI印章证明。一旦通过认可，他们将收到“儿童友善”的书面印花证明，并列入在网站www.childfriendly.org的CFI数据库中，家长可以从中浏览寻找“儿童友善”机构来为自己所在的社区提供帮助。
当我登陆CFI网站浏览缅因地区的相应机构时，却没能看到一个。由于我个人是知道缅因地区存在某些“儿童友善”商业，因此我对此提出疑问。CFI的创始人Michele Mason解释说，CFI是一个志愿组织，需要志愿者去挖掘每个州中各个社区当地的CFI。缅因需要有志愿者去为当地“儿童友善”商业和场所提名，并为那些愿意达到标准以通过认可的商业或场所提供支持。
对任何商业或公共场所而言，达到“儿童友善”的标准并不难，也不贵。孩子们需要被家庭和社会所珍爱。我们每个人都可以在光临一个商场或公共场所时，告诉他们我们想将他们提名给CFI，并愿意帮助他们达到标准。如果已经是“儿童友善”商家或场所，那么现在可以得到认可并在CFI数据库中公示。创造一个“儿童友善”社会对每个人来说是双赢的。作为消费者主体的家长们更愿意光顾那些“儿童友善”的商场。在被重视和尊重的环境下成长的孩子们也更会更加重视和尊重他们所在的社会。
珍爱孩子，人人有责。《父母&家庭》报纸已经同意每一期上刊登已经获得“儿童友善”证明的商家和场所，以支持“儿童友善”社会的创造。而我将通过“珍爱孩子”养育工作室来为父母如何珍爱孩子提供支持。而阅读这篇文章的每个人则应该努力使某个地方通过CFI认证。如果有家人朋友在其他州或国家，也也使他们加入到创造“儿童友善”社会的活动中来，我们很快就会拥有一个“儿童友善”世界。
现在不仅仅是我们的孩子需要“儿童友善”世界，不仅仅是我们的孩子需要被珍爱，不仅仅是我们的世界需要人人有责。每人做出一点，就能收获很多。如果你有孩子，与孩子们一起努力，或关注其他贡献的人，加入到这当中来。为了孩子，为了游客，让我们建设缅因，使之呈现生活本色，使之成为一个“儿童友善”州，使之成为国家中保护、尊敬与珍爱孩子的领先者。