I'm ceaselessly amazed at people who attract negative vibes like they attract useless clutter yet they fail to understand their deadly juxtaposition. Negative vibes, either verbal or non-verbal, attract stress from others that attract negative vibes. It's a toxic cycle that never ends.
Needless to say, these people live lackluster lives at best. They accuse circumstances for their measly socio-economic condition. In reality, their body and language, both create circumstances leading to their poor state.
I am a hotelier and an astute student of human behavior. I have a habit of watching others, including my employees, as they interact with my customers. What follows is the list of behavior patterns one should avoid to get resounding "NO" from others.
Verbal Negative Vibes - Word wobbles: I once interviewed a gentleman for a sales director position. When I asked why he should get hired, he said, "I've gotta lots of experience and I'm gonna be the best salesman." When I offered him lunch, he said, "I already had a samwich." When I asked him if he knew the sales director of the nearest hotel, he said, "I dunno."
I never talked to him again. This person was not interested in increasing the position of the relationship, was wishy-washy, and wasn't well spoken. Be direct in your answers, speak clearly and with authority if you want to make an impression and get a positive response.
- Double trouble: This one is lethal, it attracts twice as much negativity because it really shows your low intelligence level. I once heard one of my front desk clerks saying, "I don't got none," when customer asked for a non-smoking room. Hearing that grammatical nightmare was akin to being punched square in the stomach. He looks nice and he's a very capable man, yet he attracts negative vibes with his mutilated words and lack of basic grammar. He's now back at school learning basics of English.
- Sexiest Stifles: I received a phone call once at midnight. The caller was a woman who was outraged with the front desk clerk. "I'm mad as hell because the agent who checked me in said, goodnight girl, please call me if you need anything, sweetie, " she sputtered. "First, I'm not a girl and second, what does he mean by "You need anything sweetie". I quickly apologized for the follies and offered her a free room for our stifles.
Being friendly and hospitable doesn't mean treating everyone like your best friend. Keep things professional despite the relationship you believe you have with someone.
- Deadly "You" turns: Once a guest asked for the refund at the checkout. I was in the office eavesdropping on the conversation. "I couldn't sleep all night. I've heard noises all night from the room next door." "Why didn't you call us," the front desk clerk said in an attempt to avoid giving any refund. "I did but no one picked up the phone," he said. "You are wrong, I was here all night," said the front desk clerk to fluster the guest with intense negative vibes.
I intervened on this one and I apologized to the guest for the deadly "You" turns. Being accusatory is a sure path to no where.
Non-verbal Negative Vibes: Non-verbal mistakes are even worse as they tend to exasperate others with anger and confusion. This happens from the body language that contradicts the message.
- Facial follies: One of my employees asked to have a private meeting. "Is everything alright Kevin?" I asked by looking at his stern facial expression. "Well, that's the problem," he continued. "When I check people in, they ask the same question, 'Is everything OK?'." "What's your response, Kevin?” "Yes, I am OK. Why are you asking?" They'd say,” Because you look upset."
If you refuse to smile and you look miserable, you will be because you are bringing everyone around you down.
- Body blusters: We engage in bodily gestures that attract negative vibes without vouching a single word. Has the person you are talking to ever pounded his/her fists on the table or crossed their arms in the middle of the conversation? If so, you've felt the negativity from that person without them even saying a word.
I once met with a salesman who wanted to sell room supplies. As I walked in the lobby, I saw him standing like "John Wayne" with his feet vary far apart and his hands on the hips. Without saying a word, this guy was being confrontational. Needless to say, I told him big "NO".
My take: Human behavior can create havoc and destruction if we fail to recognize the sources that attract negative vibes. Try this test with a pocket full of dimes. When you attract a negative vibe, take a dime and put it on your desk. At the end of the day, count them. You'll both be amazed and terrified with the behavior that deprives you of the best life you can live now.
I'd love to learn more ways to attract negative vibes; do you have any to share?
-Shilpan
译文:
努力让自己变得更让人讨厌的方法
我一直都很“佩服”那种老能引起他人厌恶情绪的人，他们不知道，自己和那些唯恐天下不乱的人根本没什么区别。
无论这负面情绪是否是用词方面的，都会给周围的人带来压力，继而引起另一拨负面情绪。这是一个永远不会结束的死循环。
不用说，这些人一辈子都过着暗淡的生活。他们指责环境，认为环境是造成自己微薄经济状况的罪魁祸首。事实上，是他们自己的姿态和语言缔造了他们惨淡的处境。
我是一个旅店老板，也是一名研究人类行为学的知名学者。我有一个观察他人的习惯，包括观察我的雇员们，因为是他们和我的顾客联系着。下面列出的是一些我们需要避免的行为习惯，掌握了它们，至少你们不会遭遇大声的拒绝。
表达上的失误会导致负面情绪
言语游移不定：我曾经面试过一个申请销售主管的人。当我询问雇佣他的理由时，他是这么回答的：“我有很多相关经验，并且我可以成为一名最好的销售人员。”当我打算请他午饭时，他说，“我有三明治了。”当我问他是否知晓附近旅馆的销售主管时，他回答：“我不认识。”
我再也没有和他多说一句话了。这个人对提升人际关系的地位并不感兴趣，糊里糊涂并且不善于表达。如果你想给人留下一个好印象，得到好的回应，牢记以下三点：正面回答，清晰表达和自信展示。
语言和语法双重问题：这两者的错误运用是致命的。它将带来的是两倍的消极影响，因为这让你尽露你的“低智商”。我曾经听我的某个前台在顾客询问禁烟区时说“我好像大约不是很知道貌似啊”。听到这种语法上的错误就像肚子正正地被人打了一拳一样。他长的不错，是一个很有能力的人，但是因为他语言表达的不完整和基本语法知识的严重缺失造成了负面的影响。他现在已经回到学校重新学习英语的基础知识了。
避免暧昧的用词：我有一次在半夜接到一个电话。是一个女人打来的，她正和我的前台激烈地争吵。“我要疯了！这个帮我登记的人跟我说，晚安，小姐，亲爱的，如果你有需要记得给我电话，！”她气急败坏地说，“首先，我不是个小姐。其次，他说的‘有需要’是什么意思！！”我赶紧为这可笑的事情跟她道歉，还因为我们的过失提供她免费的住宿。
友好和好客并不意味着要把所有人都当作你最好的朋友。就算你认为你和某人的的确确有着某种关联，也要首先保证好专业的服务。
致命的“你”字句：有一次一个客人结帐时要求退款，我在办公室里偷听他们的对话。“我整晚都睡不着，老是听到隔壁的噪音。”“那是你的问题啊，为什么你不打电话给我们？”前台努力拒绝退款。“我打了，可是没人接！”他说。“是你搞错了吧，我整晚都在的。”前台强烈的负面情绪让客人激动起来。
我打断了前台，并且为他的不礼貌用词向客人道歉。非难他人注定寸步难行。
非语言上的错误表达产生的消极影响：
非语言上的错误同样恶劣，因为这使他人感到愤怒和困惑，从而激怒对方。它的发生是由于肢体语言扭曲了所表达的信息。
消极的面部表情：我的一个雇员要求去一个私人聚会。“Kevin，最近还好吗？”他的面部表情严肃极了，让我不禁问道。“嗯，很奇怪的，”他继续道，“每次我帮人们登记的时候，他们都会问同样的问题，你一切还好吧？”“你是怎么回答的？”“我说：‘是的，我很好，可你为什么要这么问呢？’，而他们总是说：‘因为你看起来很沮丧。’”
如果你拒绝微笑，并且你看起来很沧桑，你可能会因为影响周围每个人的情绪而真正变得悲惨。
肢体语言不当引起轩然大波：当我们遇到令人不快肢体语言时常常一言不发。你有过和这样的人交谈的经历吗，他总是在用拳头敲桌子，或者在谈话中双臂交叉于胸前？如果是这样，你一定在他身上感受到不快，尤其是当他们一句话也不说的时候。
我曾经见过一个推销员，他想推销房间用品。当我走在大厅时，我看见他像约翰·韦恩一样站着，两脚分得很开，两手放在屁股上。我什么也没说，因为这个人一定无法交流。不用说，我毫不犹豫地拒绝了他。
我想说：
如果我们没有意识到那些可能引发对方厌恶情绪的行为根源，就会带来很严重的后果。可以用一个口袋的硬币给自己做一个测试：每次引起一次消极情绪时，拿一个硬币放在桌上；一天结束后，数一数。你会惊讶，同时也定会为这些夺走你本该拥有的幸福生活的行为习惯感到恐慌！
我很乐意多学习一些让人讨厌我的方法；你有秘诀和大家分享吗？