Recently a friend's husband relayed an interesting story to me about mothers. His mother had commented to his wife, whose beautiful baby just turned a year old, that she didn't "look" like a mother. The couple assumed the mother (-in-law) was referring to the facts that the new mom was basically back to her pre-baby size and was wearing professional-looking clothes.
Back in the MIL's day women didn't necessarily work outside of the home once they became moms. They didn't necessarily work out or visit a gym or know how to pronounce "Pilate's." And, until quite recently, a lot of them wore MOM JEANS.
I have a sign on my fridge door--well, actually it's an ad from a magazine--that has a picture of a woman's backside on it. She's wearing the worst mom jeans imaginable, and the phrase on it says, "No mom jeans." This was additional motivation for me to hit the pavement and try to lose all that baby weight.
Clearly what the wife and the MIL have different ideas about what a mother looks like. Me? I couldn't tell you. I can comment on what I look like, or what I think I look like, now that I am a mom. I can sort of talk about what my friends who are my age who have babies look like. They look like me, and the wife in the story above.
But what does a mother look like? Truth be told, I don't think it's possible to define. Motherhood looks different on everyone, but I can assure you it's quite flattering. Generally. Except for the mom jean thing. And I know those are super comfy. And I know high-waisted jeans are coming back in style. But I just can't go there.
Perhaps there's a post in there somewhere about mom jeans. But for now, let us all ponder exactly what a mother looks like.
For example, I was just commenting today that I couldn't picture Jessica Alba as a mom. She seemed so young and fresh and new to the scene and just getting her career going, etc. Then my husband was like, "Uhm, she was on Dark Angel like ten years ago." And he's right. And of course Jessica Alba can be a mom just like anybody. But, my point is that even though I can't define what a mother looks like, I sort of thought Jessica Alba didn't look like one.
It's these celebrity moms who continue to smoke after they've had kids that have all we regular mothers up in arms about working out and dressing well and looking sexoramic. I mean, seriously--can you see Jessica Alba wearing mom jeans???
So what does a mother look like? Or a father, for that matter? It all goes in to what we have preconceived a parent should look like based on what our own parents looked like and what our friends' parents looked like, that kind of thing. Part of it comes from the families we see on television. Part of it is shaped by who works and who stays at home, and all the other stuff we talk about on ParentDish daily.
Ultimately, though we shape what we think parenthood looks like as we go through it ourselves. That concept is constantly changing and being updated as we experience what it's like to be a mom or dad.
But if motherhood starts looking like Jessica Alba we're ALL in trouble. I can't touch that hotness, even on a red leather pants day.
译文:
母亲应该什么样子
最近，一个朋友的丈夫给我讲了一个关于母亲们的有趣的故事。他们的漂亮宝宝刚满一岁，他妈妈说他的妻子“看上去”不像一个妈妈的样子。这对夫妇猜想，妈妈会这么想，只是因为妻子已经恢复了生产前的身材，又穿上了职业装。
在他妈妈那个年代，女人一旦成为母亲，就不需要外出工作。她们既不需要工作，也不会去运动中心，更不知道如何念“Pilate's”。直到最近，她们中的许多人还穿着“妈妈裤”（高腰线牛仔裤）。
我在冰箱门上贴了一个标贴——好吧，事实上这是一个杂志广告——图片上是一个女人的背影。她穿着你能想象得到的最糟糕的“妈妈裤”，广告词是“不要妈妈裤。”这让我有种冲动想冲出去，并努力减掉生孩子所增加的体重。
很显然的是，妻子和妈妈对母亲的形象有不同见解。至于我嘛，我还不能告诉你。我只能说我自己什么样，或者我认为我什么样，现在我也当了母亲了。我好像可以谈谈我那些有小孩的同龄朋友都是什么样子。他们就像我和上面故事中的妻子一样。
但是一个母亲应该是什么样子？说句实话，我不认为能够清楚的界定。每个母亲都各不相同，但是我可以跟你保证，这比看上去更好。大体如此吧！除了“妈妈裤”。我知道这种高腰裤又开始流行了，但我就是不喜欢。
可能有人写过关于“妈妈裤”的帖子。但是现在，让我们全面的想一想，到底一个母亲应该是什么样子。
比如说，我今天提到，我认为杰西卡·埃尔巴（Jessica Alba）看上去就不想一个妈妈。她看起来年轻又稚嫩，不熟悉情况，而且事业才刚刚起步，等等。然后我丈夫说：“嗯，她就像10年前出演《末世黑天使》（Dark Angel）时一样。”他说对了。当然，杰西卡·埃尔巴也可以像其他人一样成为母亲。但是我认为即使我不能界定母亲是什么样子，我也不认为应该是她那个样子。
这些明星母亲生了孩子之后还继续吸烟，她们继续在外面工作、穿着漂亮衣服，看上去很性感，而这些正是我们这些普通母亲所竭力反对的。我的意思是，很严肃的说——你见过杰西卡·埃尔巴穿“妈妈裤”吗？
所以母亲应该是个什么样子呢？或者说，父亲应该是什么样子？事实上，我们预想中父亲或母亲的形象，是基于我们自己父母的形象，以及我们的朋友父母的形象，或者诸如此类。其部分来自于我们在电视上看到的家庭成员形象，部分来自于外出工作，或留在家里的人的形象，另外还有我们每天在ParentDish讨论的素材构成。
而最终，当我们自己成为父母的时候，我们所认为的父母形象就是这样的。随着我们有了父母的体会之后，这种观念经常改变且不断修正。
但是如果母亲都像杰西卡·埃尔巴那样，我们就都麻烦了。我不能碰那些火辣性感的衣服，即使在盛行红皮裤的日子里。