Make a promise to yourself to make happiness a priority now
When I meet patients for the first time, I ask them what gives them joy and watch their response. Many smile as they recall joyful times, such as spending time with loved ones. These folks make sure that their happy times balance their daily stresses.
But some people struggle to conjure any joy to share with me. A disturbing number say that they feel little joy, even though their life is filled with the potential for joy. When I ask why, their face clouds with frustration. There just isn't time to sit back and watch the sun set or take a walk in the park is a common response.
A key difference between the joyful and joyless groups is the presence of a balance between life's stresses and joys. It's a fact that 21st century living challenges our daily priorities. So often the hopeful to-do lists we create in the morning are still untouched by day's end. This creates a sense of hopelessness.
Science has clearly shown that people who feel as though they've lost control of their life have a significantly increased incidence of heart disease. Clearly, this isn't a healthy way to live.
Take the Joy Test
So, how can you successfully maintain the important balance between life's stresses and joys? Try the following simple exercises to put yourself on the path to a happier life.
On a piece of paper, make two columns. Label the first "Joy" and the other "Stress." Under "Joy," list 10 things that make you happy. How about golfing, gardening, joining a book club, or volunteering at the hospital?
Under "Stress," list 10 main stressors. It could be a medical condition, financial problems, job dilemmas, or relationship issues. Look at both columns, and study them for a moment.
Now try this: For every stressor, choose one or more joys to neutralize it. A nit-picking boss can be balanced by a hug from a loved one, a yummy dinner, and a good night's sleep. Study that list, and deliberately plan on at least one joy each day. You anticipate that massage or walk, and, in the midst of your most stressful times, you'll smile with pleasure.
But this won't happen unless you plan it! Get out your pen, and ink it into your calendar. However, be prepared for the daily stresses that threaten to knock these joys off your schedule.
Keep joy on your daily plan. Focus on your needs to maintain that joy/stress balance. When something threatens your joyful time, quickly assess the situation. Can you deal with this challenge and still hold onto your joy?
Example: A friend needs your help. Don't give your joy time away. Instead, compromise. You'll talk with him after your walk. If you're not consciously vigilant, you'll give your joy time away and will feel resentful and hopeless.
Research shows that men who feel hopeless have a higher incidence of hypertension. Women who perceive their life to be out of control have a higher incidence of sleeplessness, poor stress responses, and increased risk factors for heart disease and diabetes. Assertively putting joy and happiness into each day is truly a lifesaving move.
Drop what you're doing, and experience something joyful. How many times have you said, I've been meaning to .... Oh well, maybe someday. And don't avoid opportunities now that will pay off later: I could have gotten that promotion if I'd taken that computer class. Make the time, make the effort, and realize that goal.
Stress is an integral part of daily life that allows us to hone our coping skills. Joy is the highest expression of happiness and is also essential to healthy living. We need a balance of both stress and joy to live life to the fullest.