This is a guest article by Vincent Tan. You can follow him on Twitter.
We will receive our fair share of criticism in our life. It is hard to stop criticism from coming because there are too many people with different views and opinions, which may result in disagreements.
There are a few reasons why people criticize and here are some of them.
- Disagreeing with you.
- Angry.
- Upset with what you had said.
- To prove they are right.
- Just out to piss you off.
Whenever we receive criticism, it certainly affects our mood. Instead of feeling down, you should actually use the chance to try to get the most out of it.
Vincent’s Story
When I just started out blogging, everything was going fine and I love the positive comments that I had received from my readers. Reading the positive comments never fail to brighten up my day. But one day I received a comment from someone whom I do not know and he criticized about my articles.
He thought that it is not appropriate for someone of my age (I am 22 at that time) to be writing personal development articles. He thinks that someone who is at that age can’t possibly go through enough challenges in life to share with others.
I felt sad about it and self doubts started to appear in my mind. I did not know how to handle the criticism at that time and it affected me greatly. I thought of shooting an email back to him and trying my best not to be sound like a jerk but it is harder than it seems.
I held back from sending the email and sought out some advice from some of my friends that I had made through the blogosphere. Talking to them brought me back to my calm state of mind which I am then able to think more clearly. Following their advice, I decided to just ignore the guy, picked up valuable lessons from the criticism and just move on from there.
How To Deal With Criticism - Step By Step Guide
It can be hard to deal with criticism, especially from people that you don’t even know, but most of the time we can pick up something from the criticisms we received. Here are the steps that I used to deal with it.
1. Listen
Whenever others are criticizing us, don’t be defensive immediately, listen to what they have to say. Being defensive at the very moment means that we will not be able to evaluate whether the criticism is of any help to us. Being defensive may also cause us to make unwise decisions or choose the wrong words to reply as we are not in the right state of mind to think clearly at that moment.
2. Create Space
As I had mentioned it is hard to make wise decision at the very moment when people are criticizing you. Create space for yourself to think about it by walking away. The space created acts like a buffer which can give you more time to think clearly. People who try to make decisions without adequate amount of time and space can increase their chances of making unwise decisions that they may later regret.
3. Evaluate
You will need to evaluate the criticism and think whether there are any lessons that you can learn from it. Sometimes people criticize because they see your flaws which you had failed to see. This is a good thing as they help to point out something that you can improve on.
Try to see their criticism with an open mind and think whether what they had said was true. If what they had said was true, acknowledge your flaws and work on it. However if you think that the criticism is just out to bring you down without any truth in it, just ignore it and move on with your life.
4. Seek 2nd Opinion
A neutral party can see the whole picture much more clearer than you do. Seek someone else that you trust and ask them what do they think about the criticism. Determine whether the criticism is valid or it is just some ramblings by others who have nothing better to do.
5. Move on
After you acknowledged the criticism it is wise to just move on from there. Some people are stuck to their criticism for days or even weeks. They can keep thinking about the criticism until it start to affect all areas of their life. Do not commit this mistake as the time spent brooding over it will only make you feel miserable. Once you had already picked up lessons from the criticism, work on your flaws and just forget about it.
Parting Words
I found out that there were some truth to the criticism that I had received from the guy. It is true that I am young but I do not agree with him that I have nothing to share with others. I believe everyone have their own unique experiences that they can share and no one is alike in this sense. Criticism is just parts and parcels of life and everyone have their fair share of it. The important thing is to know how to deal with it instead of trying to avoid it.
Vincent writes on the subject of Personal Development at HealthMoneySuccess.com. His site’s main aim is to help people to be more productive, happy and achieve more in life.
If you’re interested, I’m currently accepting guest posts from talented writers.
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译文:
如何应对批评
这是篇特邀文章，由文森特·唐撰写。可以在twitter上找到他。
生活中，我们会遭受很多批评。太多的人有不同的意见和想法，从而导致意见分歧，因此我们很难阻挡别人的批评。
为什么人们会批评别人？有好些理由。这里是其中的一些。
意见分歧 生气 对你所说的话感到沮丧 证明他们是对的 仅仅是为了激怒你 无论什么时候被批评，我们的情绪都会受影响。与其心情低落，倒不如利用这机会努力从中得到最多的东西。
文森特的故事
我开始写博客的时候，一切都很顺利，而我很喜欢读者对我的积极评论。阅读这些评论，从来都能让我的生活更阳光。然而，有一天，我收到一位不知名的读者的评论，他批评了我的文章。
他认为一个人在我那个年纪（当时我22岁）不适合写关于个人成长的文章。他认为人在那个年纪不怎么可能经历足够多的挑战去和别人分享。
对此我感到伤心，开始自我质疑。那时我不知道改怎么对待这批评，它深深地影响了我。我想发一封邮件给他，尽量让自己看起来不会很奇怪，但这并不如看起来那么简单。
我放弃了给他发邮件，而是向我的博客圈里面的一些朋友寻求一些建议。与他们交谈让我恢复了冷静，而后我能头脑清晰地进行思考。采纳了他们的建议，我决定忽视那个家伙，从批评中拾取有价值的经验，继续前进。
如何处理别人的批评——步步指南
处理别人的批评是件困难的事，尤其是那些自己不认识的人。但很多时候我们可以从中获得一些东西。这里是我处理别人的批评的一些步骤。
1. 听
无论别人什么时候批评我们，都不要立刻反击，而是去倾听他们不得不说的是些什么。当场反击意味着我们将不能判断出这批评是否对我们有所帮助。同时，由于我们此时头脑不清晰，反击会使我们做出不明智的决定或者说错话。
2. 创设空间
正如前面所提到，别人正批评你的时候，你是很难做出明智决定的。为自己创设空间慢慢地思考，这空间就如一个缓冲器，让你有更多的时间思考得更清楚。试图做决定而没有足够的时间和余地思考会使所作决定不明智的可能性增加，而后会后悔所作决定。
3. 评价
你需要评价别人的批评，思考自己是否可以从中学到东西。有时候别人批评你是因为他们看到了一些你自己没有发现的缺点。他们帮忙指出一些你可以改进的方面，这是一件好事。
尽量虚心对待别人的批评，思考他们所说的是否正确。如果他们所说的是正确的，那就承认你的不足，而后改进。然而如果你认为这些批评仅仅是为了打击你，而没有任何道理，那就忽视它，继续你的生活。
4. 寻求别的看法
中立派可以比你自己更清晰的看到整件事情。找别的你信任的人，询问他们如何看待这一批评。测定这批评是否有根据或者仅仅是别人没do.
5. 继续前进
接纳批评之后，继续往前走是明智的。有些人好几天甚至好几个星期陷在那些批评中，一直想着，直至这些开始影响他们生活的方方面面。别犯这种错误，随着时间的推移，闷闷不乐会让你觉得痛苦。一旦从批评中吸取教训，就改进你的缺点，然后把批评忘掉。
尾声 我发现那家伙的批评有些道理。的确，我年轻，但我并不认同他所说的我没有任何东西和别人分享的看法。我相信每个人都有自己独特的可以和别人分享的经历，在这个意义上没有哪两个人的经历是相同的。批评仅仅是人生中的插曲，每个人都会遇到很多，重要的是懂得如何处理而不是试图避免。
文森特在HealthMoneySuccess.com上发表关于个人发展的文章。他的网站的主要目的是帮助人们使人们快乐、做事更富成效、收获更多。
假如你感兴趣，我最近在收集有才能作家的特邀文章。