Earth Hour Survival Guide
by Eric Eggertson on March 29th, 2008
GROVER’S MILL, NJ — The hour of darkness that engulfed Europe tonight left most essential services intact, despite a scare at a nuclear plant that turned off its alarm system to preserve power.
Earth Hour is heading for North America, causing the Department of Homeland Security to upgrade its terror alert to Dark.
“Many people are afraid of the dark, so we anticipate a higher than normal level of terror among young children, Internet addicts and social outcasts,” said a spokesperson who declined to be identified. “We expect the worst impact on young, socially outcast Internet addicts.”
Earth Hour Survival Guide:
- If you fear for your life, head to the nearest fast food outlet. FEMA has declared a national state of near-emergency, allowing any restaurant that serves unhealthy foods to keep its lights on during Earth Hour. With its new Heart Smart menu items, McDonald’s didn’t make the cut.
- Prior to heading outside, don your night-vision goggles and make sure your weapon is loaded and cocked.
- Bathe fluorescent clothes in light prior to The Darkness.
- Light low-carbon candles. To deal with increased risk of house fire, get ready to leap out the window, if needed.
- If you see someone with their lights on, lecture them about wasting energy. Yes, that includes the old and infirm.
- Turn up the furnace to make up for the darkness.
- Drink lots of alcohol.
- Wear clean underwear.
- Think and talk about stopping climate change. If you do this once a year for an hour, it will help.
If you follow these steps, you should be fine.
If you’re reading this during Earth Hour, turn off your monitor
译文:
拯救地球一小时,摆脱黑暗小贴士
GROVER’S MILL, NJ --为了节省能源，核电站关闭了报警系统,尽管这在居民中引起了恐慌,但除一些个别重要的服务设施外,欧洲各地被黑暗笼罩长达一小时之久.
"拯救地球一小时"的行动已经蔓延到北美地区,国土安全局在这漆黑的一小时加强防备.
一个不愿透露姓名的人说:"许多人对黑暗有恐惧,尤其是小孩,网迷,弃儿等这些人群,他们会比常人更恐惧黑暗.我们已经预见他们的反应,同时对他们的反映做了最坏的估计."
摆脱黑暗小贴士:
1. 当你害怕时,你可以躲到到附近的快餐店.美国应急管理署已经公布一项应急管理措施,在"拯救地球一小时"这段时间内,所有快餐店都可以点灯.在麦当劳最新的"贴心"菜单上,并未减少相应高耗能食品的数量.
2. 建议你到屋外去,睁大眼睛,欣赏夜晚的美景.同时,你要装备好自卫武器.
3. 尽量多穿暖色系的衣服,少穿暗色系的服装.
4. 你可以点燃低碳蜡烛.由于这种举动的火灾系数较大,你最要随时做好破窗而出逃生的准备.
5. 当你看到有人在这一时段内点灯,即使是老人,你也可以严厉的批评他们浪费能源.
6. 你也可以燃起篝火,驱逐黑暗.
7. 你也可以多喝些酒.
8. 记得穿干净的内衣哦!
9. 更关注气候变暖吧!即使每年只举行一次节约行动,对抑制全球变暖也是有帮助的.
如果你遵循这些方法,万分感谢!
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