When I turned 12, my aunt, the family scribe, gave me a small diary with a red cover. "Write about the things that fill your day," she said.
"Write about what you think and how you feel. Then later on, you can read it and remember how things were."
I wrote in the little diary, sometimes, intermittently, and did enjoy reading the scattered scribbles afterward. Yet daily life became too busy, so the entries were rather few and far between.
And then I found that there are other kinds of diaries recording our events.
It is autumn. The first few shimmers of early morning frost have already dusted grass and shrubs. My trusty lightweight jacket is no longer any match for winds that carry icy nips in their gusts. It is time for Operation Clothes Exchange.
Freshly washed gauzy cottons and light linens are spread out on my bed, waiting in a rainbow row for transfer to their attic hibernation. The closet they have just vacated awaits its winter shift of fleece and wool and down. All these clothes have recorded intervals of my life, accumulated bits of my biography, which I can "read and remember how things were."
There, on one leg of my corduroy pants remains a stubborn stain, souvenir of the pond-side rescue I performed several years ago. A small green heron's spindly legs had become entangled in a mass of muddy twigs. It took many messy minutes to free the frightened bird. And then I watched him fly off safely toward the sky.
My mint-green sweater and charcoal skirt wait neatly on a hanger. I wore them last at a family gathering, where we mourned a revered relative the day after he had passed away.
We let out sighs of sadness mingled with smiles of recollection as we sat around the table, exchanging anecdotes of a kind and wise man's life. Memories of those shared thoughts and emotions, the warming words we spoke, all are interwoven in the fabric of the clothes I wore that day.
A puffy piece of blue down jacket pokes out from its matching nylon bag (called a "stuff sack," I am told). I pull out the jacket and pause to chuckle at the zigzag tear on its sleeve, which even careful stitchery could not completely hide.
The accidental rip was courtesy of Max, our dog. It happened on a glorious winter's day at the beach, with sparkling sun and cloudless sky. I had held his ball high up in my hand, preparing for the farthest throw. But Max, in his exuberance, could not wait. He leaped up toward the ball, his mouth wide open in canine glee. And thus occurred the meeting of Max's teeth and my jacket sleeve – to leave a lasting record of the joy we shared that day.
A collection of clothes creates its own mega-diary; fabrics saturated with events and adventures, sagas and splendors. Sometimes it becomes a travelogue.
My old, worn hiking boots occupy their special spot on the closet floor. They have hiked with me up a Scottish mountain immersed in cloud and over English farmland where cows stood watching me squelch through mud and muck. The trusty boots have trekked with me beside Norwegian fiords and gathered sand in their seams from deserts in New Mexico. Their sturdy soles crunched over snow on Mount Rainier and timidly trod upon volcanic rocks in Costa Rica.
Clothing diaries, like their paper counterparts, can record the progress toward determined goals.
I remember keeping in my closet, over many years, the fancy ice-blue linen dress that I wore beneath my college graduation gown. It represented countless classes and studying long into the nights, of stimulating teachers (and some boring ones), of new ideas and theories, of plenty of food for thought. It contained the culmination of four years' worth of studenthood.
But not always do our efforts bring about success, as my ancient denim skirt and cheery yellow turtleneck bring me to recall. I've worn them as my "comfort clothes" on long walks of many miles while grappling with life's curveballs and unforeseen frustrations. Encrypted in both wool and denim are the dregs of problems faced and solutions sought.
No need to fear that someone else's eyes may read the private diary entries here; clothes are faithful secret keepers. And they can contain, in total confidentiality, more than one individual wearer's tales. I had loaned my ivory silken blouse to a friend, who wore it on a date with her "Mr. Right." No doubt she inscribed some paragraphs of hope and happiness of her own.
Even brand new garment diaries are not completely blank. Each first page already bears an entry, telling how it was acquired – by whom and when, where and why. A soft, peach-colored sweater, nestled in its tissue bed, had been my mother's carefully selected gift, which she gave to me on a random rainy day, "for no special reason – just because."
No matter how often clothes are laundered, how hot the water and strong the soap, memories will not wash out. And so the many "diaries" line up on life's library shelves, bracketed between seasonal clothes-switch bookends. New volumes are added, old ones are removed, and some remain for a long, long time.
译文:
衣橱日志
我12岁时,我阿姨给了我一本红色封面的小日记本。她是我们家最能说会道的一员,她告诉我:“用它记录下你每天发生的事情。”“记录下你的想法或感觉,日后你再读起时就会忆起曾经的日子。”
我时不时地会在那小本子上写点什么,也的确觉得过后读起那些涂鸦的东西是种享受。然而日子变得十分忙碌起来,日记本上的记录也就日渐减少了。而后,我发现了另一种形式的日记也能够记录我们的生活。
那是一个秋天。清晨霜冻泛起的最初几缕微光已将草丛灌木洗涤了一番。我忠实的薄夹克已经无法抵御那一阵阵刺骨的寒风了。该是衣服换季的时候了。
刚刚洗好的轻薄绵质衣服和亚麻衣服被摊在床上,像彩虹一样列队排列着,等着它们的“冬眠”。它们刚腾出的小壁橱则在等候着长毛大衣,毛呢或绒毛类的冬衣的进入。所有这些的衣服都记载着我生活的一段故事,聚集着我人生的点滴,使得我:“日后再读起时就会忆起曾经的日子”。
看这里,在我的灯心绒裤子的一条腿上有几块顽渍,那是几年前我参加池畔营救行动时的纪念。一只小绿鹭细长的腿被沾满泥块的细枝缠住了。我好不容易才帮助那只受惊吓的绿鹭摆脱困境,然后看着它无忧无虑的飞向蓝天。
我的一件薄荷绿外套和灰色短裙安静地躺在衣架上。我最后一次穿它们是在一次家庭聚会上,为了哀悼一个我们尊敬的亲戚于前一天刚刚去世。
我们围坐在桌前,你一句我一句叙说着一个慈祥而又聪明的男人的有趣往事,那些回忆的笑声与悲伤的哀叹声融在了一起。我们忆起曾经共同的想法和情感,说过的那些温暖人心的话,所有的一切都与那天我穿的那身衣服交织在了一起。
一件鼓出来的蓝色绒毛夹克被挤出了装着它的尼龙袋(别人告诉我那叫储物袋),我把夹克抽出来,停下来看着那袖子上锯齿形的破缝发笑,再细密的阵线活也无法将其完全掩盖
那个意外的破缝还得宜于我们的爱狗,Max。那是在一个晴朗冬日的海滩上,艳阳高照,晴空万里。我把Max玩的球举得高高的,准备把它抛到很远的地方。但是精力旺盛Max可没什么耐心,它兴奋得张大嘴巴,朝球的方向纵身一跳。接着,就发生了它的牙齿与我夹克袖口“会面”的一幕 — 那一天的欢乐就这样被永久记录了下来。
一堆衣服创建了其自身庞大的日记,布料里充满了事件,冒险,传奇和辉煌。有时它也是一段旅行日志。
我那些又破又旧的远足靴在壁橱的底层都有属于它们的地方。我穿着它们去过了云海之中的苏格兰群山,到过了英格兰农场,在那里牛群还见证了我如何嘎吱嘎吱地在泥沼地中行走。我忠心耿耿的靴子们跟着我一起跋涉过挪威的海湾,在新墨西哥城沙漠中行走时它们的缝隙中还灌进了沙子。它们坚固的鞋底曾在(美国华盛顿国家公园)雷尼尔山的雪地里嘎吱嘎吱地走过,也曾在哥斯达黎加的火山岩石上小心翼翼地踩过。
就如同日记本一样,衣橱日记也能记录下向心中既定目标迈进的过程。
我记得很多年来我衣橱里一直放着一件漂亮的冰蓝色亚麻长裙,我穿毕业礼服那天下身就搭配的它。它代表了那些数不尽的课堂,那些学习到深夜的日子,那些有趣的老师(当然也有无趣的),那些新鲜的想法和理论,以及那些引人深思的故事。它包含着四年学生生涯那些有意义的结果。
但我们的努力也并非只带来成功。如同我那件有年头的粗斜纹棉布短裙和亮黄色的翻领毛衣所带给我的回忆。我把它们视为“能安慰人的衣服”,它们陪我一路走来,助我应对了人生许多的坎坷与未知的沮丧。每次穿着它们面对了困难,解决了问题,就感觉它们又变得厚实了不少。
不用担心别人会读到这本私人日记。衣服是绝妙的秘密保守者。他们能保密的事情比一个穿衣者的故事还要多,而且是绝对保密。我曾经借给过朋友我象牙色的丝绸上衣,她穿着它与她的真命天子会面。毫无疑问,那件衣服打上了独属于她的希望与幸福的烙印。
即使全新的衣服日记也不一定都是空白的。它们也被记载了点什么,比如它们的来历,是从谁那儿得到的,什么时候,在哪里或是为什么。一件包裹在绵纸中的柔软的桃红滑雪衫就是我母亲精心挑选的礼物,她在一个下雨天把它给了我,说:“没有什么特别的原因,就是想送你。”
无论衣服被洗涤了多少次,也无论清洗它们的水有多热,肥皂有多强效,记忆是不会被洗去的。如此一来,那么多的“日记”陈列在人生的书架上,被摆进了按季节变换的书档中间。这之中有新的进入,有旧的走开,而有些则一直安放在书架上,放了很久很久。