Foster children can sometimes move so many times that the numbers reach the double digits. Here are 10 ideas on how to make the transition easier. Tips from Adoptmed.org.
- Have the current foster parent request photos of the new family to show the child frequently [or make a “transition book” using the custom picture book tip].
- Ask what kind of laundry soap and fabric softener the new family uses and have the current family start to use them (or have the new family use what the current family is using for at least a while).
- Have the new family send a blanket, stuffed animal, scarf, etc to the current family so that the child can start to use it now and take it to the new home with her.
- I would have the new family attempt to use as many of the same comfort items as possible that are sent with the child and not be in a big hurry to change them over or to wash them.
- Have the families exchange information on schedules, foods, soothing techniques, favorite music, favorite books, toys, and so forth. Are there certain lullabyes, games, and so forth that the child finds soothing or comforting? What do they use for eating utensils, does the child sit at the dinner table in high chair, or booster seat? As much information as possible that can be shared the better the transition.
- In an ideal world I would have the transition last 3-4 weeks with short visits in the current home, then out in public with both parents there, then at the new home with the current parent present and so forth.
- If that’s not an option, make sure to have the exchange of information, use of photos now and in the new home to maintain connections, and the use of common items, smells, textures, foods, schedules and so forth.
- Unless the child is in immediate danger, moving a child without preparing them ahead of time is NOT a good thing. By ahead of time, I mean well before the car is pulling up in the driveway. Losing a familiar family and home without preparation is truly traumatic.
- Never ever never move a child by putting their things in garbage bags. Kids are literal, and “Your belongings are garbage to me” is hardly a nice message to send to a distressed child.
- Never move a child without allowing them to say goodbye to their previous family members or try to create a “rip” the band aid off scenario. Situations like this, although good in the short term, will often backfire because a child could feel more loss in the long-run.
译文:
十条寄养儿童转移建议
寄养儿童的被转移次数有时候会达到两位数。为了更顺利地转移，以下提供10点建议。来自Adoptmed.org。
1. 现在的养父母有没有向新的家庭要来照片，不时地给孩子看（或者用用传统的图画书建议做一个“转移书本”）
2. 了解新的家庭用哪种洗衣皂和衣物软化剂，现在的家庭也使用相同的东西。（或者要求新的家庭至少使用一段时间现在家庭所使用的东西）。
3. 要求新家给现在的家送条毯子、填充玩具动物、毛巾等。这样子，孩子现在就可以使用这些东西，然后把它们一起带到新家。
4. 我会叫新家的父母试着用尽可能多的跟孩子一起来的相同的安慰物品，而不是匆匆忙忙就把它们换洗掉。
5. 双方家庭之间有没有交流日常作息、食物、安抚技巧、喜欢的音乐、喜欢的书本、玩具等等方面的信息。有没有让孩子觉得很舒服的摇篮曲、游戏等项目？他们是用什么餐具的，孩子是坐在餐桌旁，在高脚椅子上，还是在辅助座椅上？双方信息交流分享地越多越详细，转移的过程就会越顺利。
6. 理想的做法是，我会使转移过程持续3至4个星期。其间不间断地拜访新家庭，然后双方父母一起去公共场合，再和现在的父母一起去新家，等等。
7. 如果这个选择无法实行，那么也要确保双方信息交流，用现在的照片和新家保持联系，还有日常的事物，如气味、材质、食物、作息时间等等都要考虑。
8. 如果孩子正处在直接的危险中，提前没有做好任何准备就搬走是很不好的事情。提前的意思是在车子开上车道以前要都准备好。没有任何准备就失去一个熟悉的家庭对孩子来说意味着极大的伤害。
9. 无论如何转移孩子时不要用垃圾袋装理他的东西。孩子是很固执的，“你的东西对我来说是垃圾”，这对于一个正处在忧伤中的孩子来说不是一个好的信号。
10. 不要在孩子还没跟先前的家庭道别就把他们拉走，不要自作聪明地采取让他和先前父母产生隔阂的临时措施。虽然从眼前来看是可以的，长远方面却不可取，因为孩子会感觉很失落。