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One of the frequent topics of discussion between my wife and I is whether we should discuss our finances with our children and if so, how much should we discuss. We’ve been having this discussion off and on since our oldest son starting understanding what money was. We both agree that we should discuss our finances with our children but we differ on how much we should disclose. What’s even more interesting is that we both seem to waffle back and forth on the topic.
My wife and I both grew up in households where our parents talked about their money situation and taught us the basics of finance, but didn’t disclose any information about how much they made, their savings, their debt, or their overall expenses. I fully understand the reasoning for this, as sometimes letting your children know how much you make can result in responses like “Why can’t you buy me the new Xbox 360, you make $70,000 a year!“. It can even result in your whole neighborhood knowing how much you make and how much debt you have.
On the other side of the fence are those that believe you should disclose everything to your children, in particular your older ones. They should be fully involved in the family finances, knowing how much comes in, how it gets allocated, saved, etc. The benefit here of course is that you child knows the details and can understand why, even though you make $70,000 a year, you can’t afford that Xbox 360. I’ve even read of others that allow their children to have input into the budgeting process.
We both waffle back and forth on these two perspectives and right now we’ve settled somewhere in between. Our children know we have debt, but don’t know the amount. They know I make pretty decent money, but don’t know how much. Our older boys pretty much know the details of our monthly expenses, such as the cable bill, phone bill, utility bills, etc. We’ve shared this with them to help them appreciate things a little more.
This whole issue is a huge struggle for us, as we want to teach our children about money and help them to grow up knowing how much things cost and understanding that just because you make $70,000 a year you don’t have $70,000 to just go blow on whatever you want. On the other hand though, I don’t want them to worry about our finances. I want them to be able to be kids, after all they have their whole adult life to deal with money issues.
What really got me thinking about this is, yesterday my 13 year old was researching being a pilot in the Air Force on the internet for a school project. He loves planes, and right now that is what he wants to be when he grows up. He was very excited when he learned how much pilots can make. He came running into the room and said something like “Dad, pilots make around $75,000 a year. Man, that’s a lot of money, way more than you make huh?” I wanted to answer him honestly, but at this point he has no clue how much I make. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to help him understand. I ended up somehow dodging the question. But I’ve been thinking about his question and on what I should do frequently.
Where do you stand on this issue? Do you have kids? If so, how much do you share? If you don’t have kids, but may someday how will you handle it? Do you have a really great or really bad childhood experience as a result of your parents sharing or not?
I’d love to hear your thoughts and perspective as I’m sure it would help my wife and I further consider how we need to handle money with our 6 kids. Your perspective will also help me figure out whether I should follow back up with my son or not.
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译文:
你怎样看待：是否应该与孩子们讨论理财问题？
我和妻子常常会讨论这样一个问题：我们是否应该与孩子们共同探讨家庭财政状况。假如这样做的话，我们应该透露多少数目呢？直到我们的大儿子开始懂得钱意味着什么的时候，我们才断断续续地谈到这个问题。我们都赞成与孩子们讨论我们的财政状况，但是，分歧在于我们应该透露多少数目。颇为有趣的是，我们似乎仅仅是围绕这个话题来来回回地兜圈子。
我和妻子都在这样的家庭长大：我们的父母会谈到他们的金钱观并且教会我们基本的理财方式，然而，他们却不会透露他们的收入，存款，债务或者全部的开销。我完全能理解其用意所在，就像有时让孩子们知道我们的收入有多少时会导致这样的反应“为什么你们不能买个新的Xbox 360给我呢？你们一年挣70,000 美元呀！”甚至这也有可能会让所有的邻居都了解你挣多少钱以及你有多少负债。
反方认为你们应该向你们的孩子坦白任何事情，特别是对长子。他们应该充分参与家庭财政管理并且清楚收入多少，如何分配收入，多少收入用于储蓄等等。当然，其中的益处在于让你的孩子们知道所有的开支细则，并且能理解为什么即使你一年挣70,000 美元也不会轻易为他们买Xbox 360。我恰好看过别人让他们的孩子列预算表的过程。
我们来来回回地围绕这两个观点兜圈子，然而马上我们又转向其中的一些细节讨论。我们的孩子知道我们有负债，但又不清楚具体数目。他们知道我有一份相当体面的薪水，但又不懂到底有多少。我们家年长些的孩子几乎完全清楚每月家庭开支的方方面面，例如电费，电话费，杂费等等。通过与孩子们分享财务收支，帮助他们多一点关注这些事情。
为此我们要付出巨大的努力，正如我们拼命地想教会孩子们理财，帮助他们逐渐懂得花钱，并且知道因为你一年仅仅只是挣$70,000 ，而这$70,000 买不到所有你想要的东西。另一方面，虽然我并不打算让他们为我们家的财政状况操心，但我希望他们成年以后在处理金钱的问题上能够随机应变。
昨天，我那13岁的儿子为完成课程设计在互联网上查询关于成为空军飞行员的相关资料，这问题确实让我犹豫再三。他热爱飞行，因此在他成长的时候立刻想到他要做什么。当他知道飞行员挣多少钱时表现得极为兴奋。他冲进房间，说到"爸爸，飞行员一年能得到$75,000 ，那么多的钱呀，比你的还多呢！"我很想真诚地回答他，在这一点上，其实他并不知道我到底挣多少。但我又很想坦诚地告诉他，我希望让他真的懂得。我要以这种方式结束回避这些话题，但我又在一直回想他的疑问以及关于我平常应该怎么做的问题。
在这个问题上你会站在哪一边？你有孩子吗？假如有的话，你会跟他们提到多少呢？如果你现在还没有孩子，而当你某天有的话你将从何入手？童年经历的好与坏是否取决于你的父母是否与你分享理财经验。
我真想听听你们的想法和观点，我确信这能帮助我和妻子更深入地考虑清楚我们怎样与六个孩子一起管理家庭财务。你的观点同样也能给我们指明是否应该再回到原点与我们的孩子探究这个问题。