Let's face it. It's a tougher time to be growing up, and the data confirms it. Bullying is fiercer. Peer pressure is tougher. Kids are also more aggressive at younger ages. Girls are meaner. Of course we can't always be there to pick up the pieces or help our kids stand up for themselves, nor should we. After all, the more our children see us as their rescuers, the more they learn to rely on us to solve their problems. The secret is help our kids learn how to be more assertive and speak up for themselves.
Here are seven ways to help your child learn to be respectfully assertive.
- Model assertiveness. Be the model you want your child to copy. Don't be meek. Stand up for your views even if they may not be unpopular. Let your kids know that even though you might feel uncomfortable, you always feel it's best to stand up for your rights or the rights of others.
- Be a democratic household. Hold debates. Use family meetings. Listen to each child (it doesn't mean you agree with them). When kids know their opinions count they are more likely to speak out and feel comfortable doing it.
- Acknowledge your child's assertiveness. Let your child know you value people who speak their mind. Reinforce your child's assertiveness. "I like how you spoke up!" Reinforce those behaviors in your child and let her know you honor her opinions.
- Find less domineering friends. If your child is a bit more timid and always hangs around a bossy playmate, provide him the opportunity to find a less domineering pal so he will be more likely to speak up and gain confidence.
- Provide early leadership opportunities. New research from the Girl Scouts of America says kids say their confidence in speaking up and leading others dwindles by the fifth grade. Kids also tell us they gain that confidence is by entering into activities, clubs, team building, etc. and the earlier the better. So provide opportunities for your child to be a member of a team, take charge of a project or lead others. You might enroll your child in public speaking or theatre to build confidence in speaking in front of others.
- Teach your child C.A.L.M. assertion. There are four steps that help kids stand up and speak up for themselves or others. Here are the four steps to C.A.L.M.
C - Stay Cool. If you get upset, ticked off, cry, pout you don't appear as confident.
A - Assert yourself. Teach your child a few comeback lines to say in different situations.
L - Look the person in the eye. The best way to appear more confident is by using eye contact.
M - Mean it. Teach your child the difference between how a wimpy and a strong voice sound. Then encourage your child to assert himself using a strong and firm tone--but not yelling tone--to get his point across.
- Role-play assertive posture, assertive phrases and a firm-sounding tone until your child has the confidence to hold his own without you. And when he does, congratulate yourself. You will have taught your child a critical skill that he will need to use in every arena of his life but now and forever.
Do you have thoughts or questions on helping your child become more assertive? Leave a comment below!
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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including
12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
译文:
怎样培养一个自信的孩子
让我们面对现实吧。有数据证实，养育孩子长大成人是一件更艰难的事情。威胁恐吓只会让孩子反应更激烈。同龄人的压力更棘手，孩子在比较小的时候也更加好斗，而女孩子更让人头疼。当然，我们不能，也不应该总是在孩子身边帮他们收拾残局，也不能帮助他们自我保护。毕竟他们越把我们当作他们的救星，他们越学会依赖我们去帮他们解决问题。秘诀在于我们要帮助孩子学会如何更加自信，学会自我保护。
下面有7种方法帮助你的孩子变得自信。
1. 给孩子做自信的榜样。你想要你的孩子模仿什么榜样，那么你就成为那样的榜样。不要顺从孩子。坚持你自己的看法，即使孩子不认同你。让孩子们意识到这一点：即使你可能觉得不妥当，但最好总是维持自己的权利或者尊重别人的权利。
2. 营造民主的家庭气氛。举行家庭辩论赛。召开家庭会议。听听每一位孩子的意见，（当然这并不意味着你要赞同他们的观点）。当孩子发现他们的意见得到你们的重视时，他们更愿意表达自己的观点，而且他们会觉得很自然。
3. 认可孩子的自信。让你的孩子认识到，你重视那些表达自己想法的人。强化孩子的自信意识，比如说“我喜欢你刚才那样大声说话！”经常鼓励你的孩子，强化这种做法，让她知道你重视她的意见。
4. 帮孩子找一些不那么霸道的朋友。如果你的孩子有点腼腆，而且经常和一些霸道的朋友呆在一起，找个机会让你的孩子找一些不那么霸道的朋友，那样他就会发言，增加自信。
5. 提供机会让孩子年幼时锻炼领导能力。美国女童子军新出一项调查表明，孩子们说在差不多五年级的时候，他们在发言和领导他人两方面的自信会降低。孩子们还说，他们通过参加各种活动，加入各种俱乐部等会来培养这2种自信，而且越早行动越好。所以给你给孩子提供那样的机会，让他加入一个组织，负责一个项目或领导他人。你还可以让你的孩子参加演讲或戏剧，这样他就有自信在公众面前发言。
6 教你的孩子C.A.L.M.原则。有4个步骤帮助你的孩子站起来发言，下面是C.A.L.M.原则的4个步骤。
C指保持冷静。当你气馁，被责骂，哭泣，撅嘴时，你看上去并不自信。
A 指坚持己见。教你的孩子几种在不同的场合下使用的应答技巧。
L 指看着对方的眼睛。让人显得更自信的最好的方法是用眼神交流。
M 指认真。让你的孩子知道说话时底气不足和中气十足的区别。然后鼓励他坚定有力地坚持己见，但注意不要叫嚷着使别人明白你的意思。
7. 通过角色扮演来练习孩子自信的姿势，自信的说话，有力的语调，直到他有信心可以自己来展现。而当他确实可以的时候，你应该暗自高兴，因为你已经教会了你的孩子一项重要的技能，这项技能将会在他生活的每一个方面使他受用终身。
关于帮助你的孩子变得更自信，你有什么意见或问题的，请在下面给我们留言。