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I can't seem to get a full sentence in before my child interrupts. It doesn't seem to matter who I'm talking to--my husband, friend or someone else. How do I get her to stop? -Anonymous
Kids want our attention and
NOW and the younger the age the harder it is for them to put on the brakes and "wait." But interrupting is a learned behavior and can be stopped, so here are a few crucial steps to turn this annoying behavior around.
Distinguish "emergency" interruptions. Your first step is to teach your child legitimate interrupting times. Explain that "an 'emergency interruption' is when someone needs help because he is or could be hurt." There are emergencies when our kids should be heard right then and there, so talk about what constitutes an emergency: the pasta is boiling over, the stove is on fire, the dog ran into the street, your brother is stuck in a tree, the baby is crawling to the pool. Once your child knows that distinction, there are no excuses for interrupting. Instead, she must learn to wait and learn the virtue of patience.
Give a forewarning. The next time you're about to make a call, visit a friend or start a conversation, tell your child you expect her to be considerate and to not interrupt. You might give her something to do to occupy her time for the moment (a puzzle, book, or game), but be clear that you will not respond. (And then make sure you keep your word.)
Use sign language. If your younger child interrupts at an inappropriate, nonemergency moment, use the sign language approach to stop her. Put your hand on her hand to let her know you recognize her, then hold up your hand to signal she needs to wait. Give her anything to occupy her energy (your car key or a pad and pencil) but continue your conversation, then pause after a few minutes to ask what she needs.
Teach manners. Children with attention or social skill deficits have difficulty waiting and often barge into conversations. If this is the case with your child, make sure you teach your child how to interrupt politely ("Excuse me, Mom,") so she doesn't seem rude. Then gradually stretch her ability to wait as long as possible. It's also best to give this child forewarning, "I'm going to be making an important call, so I'll need you to not interrupt." Adjust your response to your child's needs, but please don't use any possible disability as an excuse. It will not do her reputation any favors.
Remove an older kid. If your child is older and can clearly control her impulses, keep doing what you're doing, but isolate her to another room for a couple of minutes or longer, depending on her age. You can say to the caller, "Excuse me, Mom, I need to take care of something." (Believe me, your mother will get it.) Isolate your child, and then continue your conversation. Do the same thing every time your child interrupts. This behavior is attention-getting and shows disrespect, so do not tolerate it. When you are done with your conversation, sit down with your child and let her know not only how you feel about being interrupted, but how it makes you feel.
Reinforce waiting. Remember the most effective way to reduce any annoying behavior at any age is to reinforce the child when she does not interrupt. "I know it was hard to wait patiently, but thank you for not interrupting me when I was speaking with your teacher." Just be consistent until your child gets the message that you expect to be treated in a courteous manner.
Of course, if your child has gotten in the habit of interrupting and has usually succeeded in getting her needs met pronto, stopping this annoying behavior will take a bit of good ol' parental fortitude. But keep the faith. Change is doable. A 4-year-old will clearly have more trouble than a 12-year-old, so consider your child's age and development, but stick fast to your "No More Interrupting Plan." Every child needs to learn the virtue of patience. And that's a little of what you'll need as well to turn this behavior around.
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Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including
12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
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译文:
问与答：停止打岔
每周Michele Borba都会在她的博客里回答养育子女的问题。如果你有教养子女的困难或问题，请在此博客留言。你可能会在下周得到你所需上的答案！
在孩子们打断我之前，我似乎不能完整地说完一句话。看起来我跟谁说都不管用——我的老公、朋友或别的什么。我怎么做才能使她安静下来？ ——匿名者
孩子们需要我们的注意。现在，孩子们越年轻，他们越难控制自己并且“耐心地等待”。但是打断别人是非天生的行为，因此这里有一些重要的方法，可以减少这种行为的产生。
辨别“非常时刻”的打断. 你首先要做的是，使孩子们知道合情合理的打断时段。你要向他们解释：“‘非常时刻的打断’就是某人需要帮助的时候，因为他受伤了或者可能会受伤。”有紧急情况时，我们必须及时回应孩子的呼叫。关于这点，那么我们就来谈谈什么事被算做是紧急情况：意大利面煮浦了，火炉在熊熊地燃烧，狗儿冲到大街上，你的哥哥（弟弟）被树卡住了或婴儿正在爬向游泳池。一旦你的孩子知道这种紧急情况的特征，他们就找不到打断的借口了。取而代之，她必须学会等待，明白耐心的长处。
给个预先警告. 下次你将要打电话，拜访朋友或开始一次谈话时跟你的孩子说，你希望她能体谅一点，不要打扰你的行动。你可以找些事让她做，让它们暂时占用一下她的时间（一个谜语，一本书或者一种游戏），但要明白你将不会做任何回应。（还有要确保履行你的诺言。）
用手语. 如果你较年轻的孩子在不适合的，没有紧急事件的时刻打扰了你，你就用手语去阻止她。把你的手放在她的手上，让她知道你认识她，然后举起手示意她得等一下。 随便找些事消耗她的精力(你的车钥匙或者便签本和铅笔) ，但要继续你的谈话，接着，几秒钟后停一下，问问她需要什么。
教授礼仪. 缺乏注意力和社交技巧的孩子很难等待某事某人，因而常常打断你的谈话。如果这就是你孩子的情况，你一定要教你的孩子如何有礼貌地打岔（“对不起，妈妈”）因而她不会看起来好像挺粗鲁的 。然后慢慢地锻炼她的等待能力，尽可能地让她等得久一点。最好也给她来个预先警告“我要去打一个很重要的电话，因此我特别希望你不要打扰我。”根据孩子的需要做出相应的反应，但是请不要以任何可能的无能为力做借口。这对她的名声不会有什么帮助的。
轰走年纪较大的孩子。 如果你的孩子更大一点，明显可以控制自己的冲动的话，你就继续做你正在做的事，但要把她隔在另一个房间两分钟或更久一点，这就要取决于她的年龄了。你可以对电话那端的人说：“不好意思，妈妈，我需要去处理一些事。”(相信我，你的妈妈会明白你的意思的) 隔开你的孩子，然后继续你的谈话。 每次孩子一打扰你，你就这样做。孩子的此种行为是有意吸引别人的注意力且是表现了对别人的不尊重，因此不要给予宽容。 当你忙着谈话时，要坐在孩子身边，让她知道不仅你如何觉得被打扰了，而且它还让你感觉如何。
强调等待. 记住减少孩子任何年龄段的恼人行为的最有效的方法就是不断向她强调什么时候不能打扰别人。“我知道很难做到耐心地等待。但是我很感谢你不打扰我，在我跟你的老师交谈的时候。”仅仅要你坚持，直到你的孩子意识到你期待着别人彬彬有礼的方式的款待。
当然，如果你的孩子已经养成了打断的习惯且常常成功地即刻得到她所需的，那么阻止这种恼人的行为将会需要父母一定的胆量和毅力。当然，如果你的孩子养成了打断别人的习惯，但却守信用，那么此习惯的改变是有望的。4岁大的小孩显然会比12岁的制造更多的麻烦，因此要考虑到孩子的年龄，关注他们的成长，但是牢牢坚持你的“没有过多的打扰的计划”。每个小孩都需要知道耐心的长处。这就是你所需要做的一些事来阻止这种行为的产生。
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Dr. Michele Borba 是22多本书的作者，包括此书 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
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