If someone asked you to describe the heartbeat of your home, how would you describe it – erratic, racing, consistent and steady, or always changing and unpredictable? Just as it is important for your heart to beat in a steady rhythm, research shows it is also important for the heartbeat of your home to be steady and strong.

 

We know that high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and being overweight are all factors that contribute to heart disease. Research has shown that an unhealthy heartbeat in the home can be caused by lack of communication, over commitment, high levels of conflict, in-laws with unrealistic expectations, an unhealthy family of origin, failure to balance home and work, out of control finances, and a variety of other things.    

 

One night, as I laid down to go to sleep, I noticed how quiet it was in the house. I thought to myself, I am so thankful that it is peaceful and I will be able to get a good night of much needed rest. It also occurred to me that many homes are not peaceful at bedtime or any other time of the day. The heartbeat of these homes is constantly racing and it’s only a matter of time before it just wears out.

 

 If you peek into a home with a healthy heartbeat you will see a home where there is love, consistency, fellowship with one another, a sharing of feelings and ideas, respect, peace, problem solving, family meals, a safe place to fail – a sanctuary from the outside world.  

 

When I talk with people about the characteristics of a healthy home, they all say, “That is what I want.” But, wanting a home atmosphere like that and actually having one are two different stories. Having a “heart-healthy” home doesn’t just happen on its own.

 

It is the same as wanting to have a healthy heart. In order to do so, doctors tell you to eat right, exercise, get adequate rest, know your family history in case heart disease runs in your family, refrain from putting unhealthy things in your body, maintain a weight that is good for your body, etc. The hard part of all this is it takes intentional, consistent effort on your part. Wishing for it won’t make it happen.
 

If it feels like your home has heart disease, instead of waiting for a heart attack to happen to jolt you into doing something different, make a decision now to change your lifestyle. It only takes one person doing something different to change a marriage or a family. Since it is the beginning of a new year, there is no better time to start.

 

Set your priorities – If you could wave a magic wand and make some changes, what would they be? More time together as a family; fewer outside commitments; a less chaotic environment in your home; dinner as a family at least two times a week?

 

If you don’t set your priorities, someone will set them for you. You have to decide what is important to you and your family and begin to make changes. The magic happens when you put perimeters around what is important to you – you determine what you want to place emphasis on and the other things tend to go away. 

 

 

Are you working endless hours to keep up with the Jones? Many families have made the decision to downsize in order to work fewer hours and spend more time together as a family.

 

Just because the neighbor’s children are involved in music, soccer, and numerous other activities does not mean your children need to be. Adult peer pressure seems to be almost as great as the peer pressure our children feel. You know what is best for your children. If your family is stressed out all the time over all of the places you are supposed to be, that may be your sign that it is time to slow down. The reality may be that you want to be at your child’s event more than he/she does.   

 

Families who live in a healthy heart environment show respect to one another. The definition of respect is the condition of being honored, esteemed or respected or well regarded. In a family this includes: listening to each other without interrupting, sharing feelings appropriately, being polite to one another, following the rules of the house, showing concern for family members, taking other family member’s feelings into consideration, taking care of your belongings, and not taking things that don’t belong to you without asking, nonviolence, trust and honesty.

 

Watch what you say and how you say it. Once it is out of your mouth, you can’t take it back. The tongue can be as deadly as a real weapon. Avoid sarcasm and putdowns. Maintain eye contact with the person with whom you are communicating. Avoid yelling, the use of expletives and physical contact – all of these tend to shut down communication. 

Even though a family history of heart disease makes you more at risk, it doesn’t necessarily mean you will have heart disease. Taking precautionary measures can help you avoid these problems. Perhaps you grew up in a family that had an unhealthy heartbeat in the home. This does not mean you have to follow the same path. Undoing bad habits is challenging, but doable. The first step is recognizing and acknowledging the unhealthy behavior. There are many excellent resources to help you develop healthy habits and recognize unhealthy ones. 

 

Step number two is actually doing something different. Change takes time. In many cases the very things that worked well as coping mechanisms in your childhood, to help you survive an unhealthy home environment, work against you as an adult.

 

Would you rather live in an environment where you never know what is happening from one moment to the next or one where you have some idea of what comes next? Most people do better with consistency in their lives. 

 

I remember watching the movie Overboard with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Through a series of events, Goldie Hawn’s character, a rich young woman named Joanna, suffers amnesia. She is tricked into believing she is the mother of four young boys who have absolutely no order in their home. They were unruly at school and did whatever they wanted to at home. Just watching the chaos in that home made me tired. When Joanna had had enough of the craziness she began to establish routines in the home, which in turn brought order to their lives. While the boys rebelled at first, they eventually began to like what the order brought to their home. Even though the story is fiction, the reality is children and adults do better with established routines.    

 

When everybody in your home knows the “family routines” life is much less crazy for everybody. If you don’t have a morning and evening routine for your family, consider putting one in place.  

 

Homes with a strong heartbeat have clear expectations for family members. Everybody knows what is acceptable and what won’t fly around the house. While all family members have input about rules and expectations, parents have the ultimate say. For example, your children may want to have a later bedtime, but this would mean no adult time so you as the parents make the decision to leave bedtime the same. Obviously, as children get older expectations change. The goal is to continue to have a home where the heartbeat is steady and consistent.

 

Many of today’s parents want their children to like them. They work hard to be their child’s friend. Parenting experts will tell you that your children need you to be their parent. Research shows that parents are the most influential in the lives of children, which is why they have the ability to be the most effective teachers when it comes to teaching and enforcing limits and boundaries. You should not expect your child to thank you now for the time and energy you are investing in them or for the limits you are setting. You do it because you love them and you want the best for them in the future. 

 

A healthy home has parents who are in healthy authority over their children. This means setting appropriate expectations and consequences and doing what is in the best interest of your children. It also means not being afraid when they get mad at you or say “You’re mean!” “I don’t love you.” Part of being a parent is understanding there will be times when your children don’t like you. Be the parent they need you to be. Don’t look for affirmation from your children. Develop a support network of parents who can help you keep perspective and stand strong.

 

Don’t just assume your family members know you love them. Tell them so. Those three little words – I love you are very powerful. Saying the words along with doing the things discussed above let family members know they are loved and valued.

 

Every home needs boundaries as a way to protect and care for family members.   

 

 

 

 

 

Heart healthy Homes consist of:
Priorities
Expectations
Boundaries
Respect
Good Communication
Love
Routines and Rituals
Parents in healthy authority over their children 

如果有人让你形容你的家庭心跳,你该怎样去描述呢-无规律的?快速跳动的?始终如一的?稳定的?还是一直变化无常呢?研究表明,如同心跳规律的重要性一样,家庭心搏的稳定和强劲同样非常重要.

警报信号
众所周知高胆固醇、高血压以及过度肥胖都会导致心脏疾病.研究表明,缺乏交流、义务过重、强烈冲突、姻亲间不实际的期望、不良的家底、家庭与工作间的失衡、财政失控以及其它一大堆事情都会导致家庭心率不齐.

 

某晚，当我躺下准备睡觉时,我发现房子里竟然那么安静.我对自己说：＂谢天谢地能够这么安静,我可以好好休息过个好夜了.＂我想起在睡觉时间甚至在其他时间很多家庭都没法安静.这些家庭的心跳通常都是急速运行的,而精力耗尽也是迟早的事情.

 

如果你瞥一眼有着健康心跳的家庭,你会发现那里有爱,有同心一致,有彼此间的归属感,有共享的感情和想法,有尊重,有和平,有可解决的问题,有家庭聚餐,还有失败的庇护所-与世隔绝的圣殿.

 

每当我和人们探讨健康家庭的一些特征时，他们都说＂那些就我想要的＂．但是，想和现实是完全不同的概念．一颗健康的家庭心脏不只是与生俱来的．

 

就象渴望有一颗强健的心一样,为了能够让心脏健康,医生会嘱咐我们注意饮食,多做运动,休息充足,会询问有无家族心脏病史,让我们不要使用有害物品,保持适当的体重等等.这些当中最难的就是它需要有意识的恒久的努力才能实现.光想是不可能的.

 

如果你觉得你的家庭已经有心脏病了，那就立即改变你的生活方式吧，不要等到疾病发作，那么要做的可就完全不一样了．而现在只要一个人做一点改变或许就可以改变一段婚姻或一个家庭了．而且新年伊始，也正是做改变的大好良机．

 

１.设置好优先顺序－假如你可以通过挥舞魔棒来做些改变，那你想变些什么呢？更多时间和家人团聚？少点外部压力？安静平和的家庭气氛？还是每周至少两次的家庭晚餐？

如果你还没有设置好，那么某人将要为你代劳了．你得先知道什么对你和家庭比较重要然后再做改变．在你重要的事情周围划个圈魔力才会奏效－你要决定什么重要什么不足挂齿．

 

２.管理好时间－许多人都觉得这个想法实在疯狂而且与家人聚会的时间真的很难掌握，所以少有人尝试．事实上你完全可以接受这个理念或者可以将所有的事情暂停下来重新整理下日程．如何管理时间是你优先顺序的直接反映．

 

你永无止尽地工作就为赶上Jones？事实上为了让工作时间短一点从而有更多时间与家人相聚，许多家庭都选择平淡．

 

如果你邻居家的小孩玩音乐、踢足球或者从事一大堆其它活动，这并不代表你的小孩也应该这样．大人们因为攀比而感觉到的压力和孩子们的基本上是一样大的．但是你知道什么对孩子最好．如果你的家庭差不多将所有时间耗到了你能想到的所有地方，并且你们已经为此劳累了，那么你应该缓一下了．事实上可能你的孩子也并不希望你一直在他／她身边．

 

有着健康心跳的家庭都是彼此尊重的．尊重就是让别人受到尊敬．在家中这包括：不插嘴倾听对方、适度分享情感、互相礼让、遵循家庭准则、对家人表示关心、体谅其它家庭成员的情感、照看好自己的所有物并且在没有询问的情况下不要拿别人的东西、没有暴力、信任且诚实．

 

注意怎样说话说什么话．一旦话从口出就没办法再收回来了．你要知道，有时候你冰冷的语气是可以象武器般杀人的．所以要避免挖苦和贬低，要和说话的人保持眼神交流．也不要大吼大叫、咒骂或动粗，这些只会阻断交流．

 

５.查看下你的家族来历 尽管有心脏病史的家庭里的孩子患心脏疾病的概率更高，但这并不意味着你就一定会得心脏病．你可以通过预防措施来避免这些问题．或许你曾生长在一个心率不齐的家庭，但这并不意味着你往后也会走同样的路．改掉坏习惯是很难，但不是不可能．首先你要做的就是认识并承认那些不健康的行为．许多极好的资源都可以帮助你培养健康习惯并识别那些不健康的．

 

第二步就是做一些改变了．改变需要时间，而且，在许多情况下，你小时侯那套让你在不健康家庭环境中生存的做法对于成人的你并不适用．

 

６.建立常规

７.家庭期望

现在的许多父母都希望他们的小孩能够喜欢他们，他们努力成为孩子们的朋友，可育婴专家告诉我们孩子们希望你是他们的父母而非只是朋友．研究表明，父母是对孩子影响最大的人，这就是为什么他们最有能力成为成为教导孩子并施行限制和界限的老师．但你现在不能期望你的孩子来感谢你为他们所投资的时间和精力或者你为他们设置的权限，因为你这样做是因为爱他们，并希望他们有着最好的未来．

 

一个健康家庭里的父母是有权适当支配他们的孩子的．这就是说你有权利建立适当的期望和结果并有权利去做那些对你孩子最为有益的事情．这也意味着在他们疯狂地对你吼叫＂你是故意的＂＂我讨厌你＂时要保持镇静．作为父母你要知道你的孩子肯定会有不喜欢你的时候．这是你作为父母应该知道的！不要在你的孩子身上寻找确认．对孩子保持支持态度有助于你保持信息畅通从而站稳脚跟．

 

 别只顾着一味假设你的家人知道你爱他们，要告诉他们你爱他们．我爱你－这三个小小的词的力量可是非常强大的．说着我爱你并去实行上面的建议，可以让家人们知道他们是被爱着的是被重视的．

 

每个家庭都需要界限作为保护和关爱家人的一种方式．建立适当的界限是父母显示对孩子的出现和长远幸福的关注的一种方式．虽然我们经常擅长设置一些界限，譬如，没有父母在身边不要横穿马路、不准玩火等等，但是还有另外一些界限让某些家庭去努力．例如，朋友来访，他们该呆在哪里？姻亲可否直接来访还是你希望他们能够有个预约？不经询问可否拿家人的东西？等等

 

研究表明孩子们在有围网的操场里会表现的更好．为什么呢？因为他们清楚的知道哪里是界限．一个家庭，包括整个大家庭成员，如果知道界限在哪他们会做的更好．如果界限不清晰，感情就容易被伤害，行为也容易被误解．

 

１１.复活的心

 

尽管这些事情看起来会耗费很多的工作、时间和精力，但是现在做了总比以后做分流手术要来的强.

 

心脏健康的家庭应该包含的因素:

父母对孩子的支配权

以上就是拥有一颗健康心脏的法宝.