Do you struggle to make decisions? Do you sometimes find yourself dithering for ages, weighing up multiple options, or trying to second-guess what
other people might want you to do? If so, you’re definitely not alone. Many people have trouble being decisive – but it’s an important trait to have, both in life and in business.
Is it possible to become more decisive? Well, maybe, er, possibly, it could be ... ;-) Actually, yes, yes it definitely is. Here’s how:
Honor Your Feelings and Preferences
In your life, how often do you let someone else’s choices determine yours? Perhaps you’d like Italian for dinner, but you think your partner would prefer Mexican – so you suggest that instead. Maybe you really want a quiet night in, but you end up going out because you think it’ll keep your friends happy.
Some people don’t even feel that they have any preference: they’re so used to letting others make decisions for them. I used to feel like this and a tip that worked brilliantly for me was to simply pretend that I liked one option over another. Simply making your own choice, and holding out for it, helps you get back in touch with what you want.
Don’t Try to Second-Guess Others
Do you end up making certain decisions because you want to keep other people happy? Maybe it’s your boss, or your mom, or your partner. For the sake of a quiet life, or in the hopes of making a great impression, you try to guess what they’ll want. Does it work? Not usually. Even when you guess right, you can end up feeling secretly frustrated that they didn’t insist on you having your way instead:
In discussing any joint action, it becomes obligatory that A should argue in favor of B’s supposed wishes and against his own, while B does the opposite. … they end up by doing something that neither wants, while each feels a glow of self-righteousness and harbors a secret claim to preferential treatment for the unselfishness shown and a secret grudges against the other for the ease with which the sacrifice has been accepted. (C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters
, p 143)
Doing Nothing is Still a Decision
Indecisive people often end up doing nothing at all. But, keeping things exactly as they are is still a decision – and often a disastrous one. You might be stuck trying to decide whether you should hire an accountant or do your taxes yourself. Both decisions will probably work out equally, but doing nothing at all will cause you a lot of problems!
When you’re faced with a dilemma – two decisions that seem equally good or bad – ask yourself what will happen if you do nothing. It’s a valid choice: just make sure it’s one you take consciously.
Have “Decision Criteria” to Help You
Sometimes, you really can’t decide between various options. Perhaps you’re out for lunch, and you don’t know whether you want the pizza or the salad. Both sound equally appetizing. So to make a decision, you might consider: - Going for the lower-calorie option (if you’re trying to lose weight)
- Going for the cheaper option (if you’re trying to spend less)
So what should your “decision criteria” be? Obviously, that depends on you. They should tie into your current goals, like in the example above. You might want to think about:
- Which decision will cost me (or save me) more time?
- Which will cost (or earn) more money?
- Which requires a longer-term commitment?
- Which can be reversed most easily, if I decided wrong?
- Which will stretch me the most?
- Which will bring me new skills?
Do you struggle to choose between several options? What decisions are you stuck on at the moment – what are you putting off deciding?
 | Written on 10/26/2009 by Ali Hale. Ali is a professional writer and blogger, and a part-time postgraduate student of creative writing. If you need a hand with any sort of written project, drop her a line (ali@aliventures.com) or check out her website at Aliventures. | Photo Credit: Brymo |
译文:
如何变得更加果断?
你很难做决定吗?有时候你发现因为一个决定而纠结好几年,亦或反复考虑好几种决定,或猜测旁人希望你做的决定?如果你的答案是肯定的,那么恭喜你,你不是一个人在为此苦恼。很多人在做决定时都有各自的问题--只是这些问题无论在生活还是事业上都是人们的一个重要的性格特征。那么有可能让我们变得更果断吗？呃，也许，可能。。实际上，办法如下：
遵从你的感觉和喜好
在你的生命中，你让别人左右你决定的频率是怎样的？也许你想吃意大利菜，可你考虑到你的商业伙伴更喜欢墨西哥菜，于是你做了妥协，最终选择了墨西哥菜。也许你晚上想安静地呆着，但最终因为朋友乐于外出导致你选择了外出。
有些人甚至都感觉不到自己的喜好了：他们已经习惯让别人替他们做主了。我过去是想要这个和一些让我假装认为自己喜欢哪个选择的小窍门。简单地做出自己的选择并且坚持下去，就能帮助你实现自己真正想要的决定。
不要总是猜测别人的想法
你是否为了取悦他人而做过决定？这些人也许是你的老板、你的妈妈和你的合作伙伴。有时是出于息事宁人的想法，或者希望给对方留个好印象的时候，你会努力猜测他们想要什么。有用吗？未必。即使你猜对了，背地里你会因为他们不支持你而感到受挫。
在任何一个团队里讨论问题，当B反对A时，A理所当然地会跟B的支持者进行辩论或争吵。最终的结果却是双方都不想要的。当双方都感到对方很自以为是并且隐藏了一些东西时，他们会表现出他们无私的一面,这样就能减轻他们为此感到的负疚感。(参照《条件反射》一书，作者：卢。煽情篇第143页）
什么也不做也是一种决定
犹豫不决的人往往落得一事无成的结果。但是，对事情不管不问常常是一种灾难性的决定。也许你会为雇一个会计还是自己做账而纠结，即使这两种决定的效果一样，但你按兵不动也会给自己带来很多麻烦！
当你面临困境------两种决定的利与弊相差无几时，问问自己如果什么也不做后果会是什么。确保你下意识的选择才是行之有效的选择。
提供一些“选择标准”给你帮助：
有时候，当你面临几种选择实在难以决定，比如你外出吃午餐，你不知道该吃批萨还是沙拉更有胃口时，你可以考虑如下几点：
1.选择低热量的食物。（如果你打算减肥）
2.选择便宜的.(如果你要省钱)
所以,你选择吃什么?这完全看你自己的意思。真正契合你目前的目标就好。如同上面的例子一样。其它你可能要参考的是：
1。哪种选择更（浪费/节省）时间？
2。哪种选择更（浪费/节省）钱？
3。哪种选择需要一个长期的保证？
4。如果我选错了，哪种选择更容易推翻？
5。哪种选择最能锻炼自己？
6。哪种选择能给自己带来新的技能？
你会因为几个决定而困扰吗？当前最困扰你的决定是什么？你在拖延下决定的时间吗？