By Mary Jaksch
Is optimism always the best strategy? Or has pessimism also got its place?
There are times when it’s natural to feel low: you don’t get the job you want or lose the one you love; you’re forced to sell your home; you lose a loved one; you let go of a dream.
Yes, loss makes us feel low.
When we experience loss, we feel sad and helpless. We lose interest in food, company and sex. Feeling low is a temporary condition. Human beings have a capacity for healing, and low feeling will leave us as we adapt to our changing circumstances.
We can get stuck in feeling low. That’s when we suffer from depression.
The good news is that you can do something about it, according to Professor Martin Seligman.
Seligman has coined two key terms, ‘learned helplessness’ and ‘explanatory style’. ‘Learned helplessness’ when we want to quit because we believe that whatever we do doesn’t matter. The ‘explanatory style’ is the way we explain to ourselves why events happen. The explanatory style can either be optimistic - which stops helplessness. Or it can be pessimistic - which spreads helplessness.
According to Seligman, depression is caused by “…by defeat, failure, and loss and the consequent belief that any action taken will be futile.” He continues:
“How you think about your problems, including depression itself, will either relieve depression or aggravate it.”
Depression and pessimism are closely related.
When we are in a pessimistic state, we are going through a mild version of depression.
We know that optimists achieve more, has better physical health, and feel happier. So, shouldn’t we strive to be optimistic all the time?
Maybe. But let’s not forget that pessimism has an important virtue: it supports a keen view of reality.
I think there is a way that we can be realists, AND have a useful view of reality.
Flexible optimism is a key skill
Flexible optimism isn’t a blanket upbeat state that you apply blindly – it is a way to have control over the way we think about adversity.
Let’s take an example:
Your driving in the rain and have got onto the wrong side of the motorway. Not good!
If you are a full-blown optimist, you might think, “Oh – look at all these cars coming towards me. They’re all driving on the wrong side of the motorway!!”
If you are a pessimist you’ll see all the cars rushing towards you, freeze and think, “Wow, I’m doomed. I’m going to die any moment!”
As a flexible optimist you might think, “Uh-oh – I’m made a bad mistake. I’ll quickly get over onto the verge in order to avoid these cars.”
I’m sure you can see that and attitude of flexible optimism is your best chance of survival in this scenario!
Seligman makes some interesting suggestions about when optimism is an advantage, as well pointing out some situations when optimism is not a useful strategy.
Optimism is a great strategy if…
- You want to achieve something
- You want to boost your morale
- If your physical health is at stake
- If you want to lead others
Optimism is a poor strategy if…
- You are planning for an uncertain future
- You are supporting others whose future is dim or who are troubled
Maybe you don’t agree with that last point?
Imagine this scenario: Arlena, a woman in her forties has lost her job, and finds out that she has cancer. She confides in her colleague Susan – who is a full-on optimist. This is what the conversation might look like:
“I’m so gutted. I just lost my job,” says Arlena.
“Oh, that may free you up to what you REALLY want to do.”
“But I’ve got to pay my rent!”
“I’m sure you’ll find a new job tomorrow!”
“I just can’t cope, because I’m worried that I’ve got cancer”
“You just need to be positive and believe that you’ll be alright.”
If you were Arlena, wouldn’t you want to get rid of Susan as quickly as possible? I would!
Both optimism and pessimism are both useful strategies at times. I use the word ‘strategy’ because it implies that we can learn to choose one or the other mindset.
Flexible optimism can enable us to be realistic, as well as hopeful.
I’m explore flexible optimism in my next post and talk about exactly how pessimists can learn to be more optimistic. That is, I’ll show in detail how each one of us can learn to be in control over the way we think about adversity.
In the meantime let me ask you two questions: Is it always skilful to be optimistic, or not?
Enjoy these related posts:
The Three Dimensions of Optimism
Good, Better, Perfect? How to Escape the Trap of Perfectionism
Are You an All-or-Nothing Person? Here’s How to Change
Authentic Happiness
Photo by Conor Lawless
Click here to Download your FREE eBook Overcome Everything
Is Flexible Optimism a Key to Happiness?
译文:
打开幸福之门的钥匙
玛丽.杰克其所著
乐观主义总是最佳对策吗？悲观主义是不是一无是处？
总有某些时段，你自然会感到情绪低落：找不到一份满意的工作或失去了你的至爱；你不得已变卖家当；失恋；背离梦想。
当然，失去会使我们感到情绪低落。
当我们失去某些东西时，我们会感到无助和难过，从而郁郁寡欢，对什么事都提不起精神。但情绪低落是暂时的，因为我们人类有自我治愈的能力，并且情绪低落能让我们适应我们不断变化的环境。
当我们深陷绝望时，我们会长期萎靡不振。
但根据马丁.西格蒙教授所说的，你可以应付它而不是坐以待毙。这真是一则令人欣慰的好消息。
西格蒙引用了两个关键的术语，“习得性无助”和“解释风格”。“习得性无助”——我们想要放弃，因为我们觉得我们是在做无用功。"解释风格"——我们自我解释事情发生的缘由。"解释风格"可能是积极的——它让我们从绝望中走出来。但它也可能是消极的——它使我们的绝望蔓延。
根据西格蒙教授所阐述的那样，绝望是由战败、失败、损失以及任何行为都会导致失败的性年造成的。他接着指出："你可曾想过自身的问题，包括抑郁症本身，是会缓解你的绝望还是会加剧你的绝望？"
抑郁症和悲观主义是紧密相联的。
.
如果我们处于一种悲观的状态，这说明我们感到一丝丝的抑郁。
我们都知道乐观主义有很多益处，它有益于我们的身体健康，使我们心情更愉悦。但这就意味着我们应该时时刻刻保持乐观吗？
也许吧，但不要忘了悲观主义也有一个很重要的优点：它使我们看清现实。
我认为这使我们看清现实，并且以一种实际的眼光看待问题。
灵活的乐观主义是一门重要的技巧
灵活的乐观主义不是灵丹妙药，切记盲目使用。它只是控制我们思考有关不利事情的方式。
让我们来看个例子：
你在雨中驾车并误入了错误的驾驶道，这是一件糟糕的事情！
如果你是一个盲目的乐观主义者，你也许会想：“噢，看看这些迎面而来的车子，它们都在错误的驾驶道上行驶。”
但如果你很悲观，你会觉得所有的车子都冲向你，然后你胆战心惊地想：“天啊！我真倒霉，我随时都有可能没命！”
作为一个灵活的乐观主义者，你也许会想：“噢，我犯了一个很严重的错误，我要赶紧步入正轨从而可以避开这些车。
我相信你可以看到，灵活的乐观主义是在这一设想情景中最佳的生存之道。
当乐观主义起着积极的作用时，西格蒙给出了关于这一作用的有趣的暗示，同时也指出在那些情境下乐观主义并非一项有利的策略。
乐观主义是一项伟大的策略如果......
- 你想成就某事
- 你想振奋自己的士气
- 你的身体状况不佳
- 如果你想引导别人
乐观主义是一项糟糕的策略如果......
- 你在为未知的未来勾画蓝图
- 你给那些前途渺茫或身陷麻烦的人鼓励
也许你不同意最后一点吧？
设想这样的一个场景：艾琳娜，在她四十多岁的时候丢了工作，并且发现自己患了癌症。她向她的同事苏珊——盲目的乐观主义者吐露心声。她们的对话也许如下：
艾琳娜说：“我很难过，我刚刚丢了工作。”
“噢，但这样可以让你自由地去做自己真正想做的事。”
“但我要付房租！”
“我保证你明天一定可以找到一份新的工作！”
“我没法应付了，因为我得了癌症。”
“只要你保持乐观的情绪，你一定会没事的。”
如果你是艾琳娜，你想不想尽快结束和苏珊谈话？我想！
有时候，乐观主义和悲观主义都是有用的策略。我之所以用“策略”一词，这暗示着我们我们应学会选择其中一种思维方式。
灵活的乐观主义既可以让我们面对现实，同时又可以给我们带来希望。
在我的下一封邮件，我将探讨灵活的乐观主义，并且确切地告诉悲观主义者如何才能变得更乐观。这就是说，我将详细的告诉大家如何学会控制自己应对不利事情的思维方式。
同时，我问你们两个问题：乐观主义总是其积极作用还是起消极作用？
请看以下的相关邮件：
乐观主义的三个尺度
好，更好，完美？如何跳出悲观主义的陷阱
你是一个全有还是全无的人？如何改变
真实的快乐
照片由Conor Lawless提供
Click here to Download your FREE eBook Overcome Everything
点击这里可以下载免费的电子书《征服一切》
灵活的乐观主义是通向幸福的钥匙吗？