A relationship needs glue to make the long haul. Bickering over household chores or being resentful over the little things can make us forget why we got into it in the first place. Apart from the unforgivable, many people simply need time to reconnect. Shared love is an investment. And much like your budget, you’ve got to track this, too. I hear a lot about couples who have date nights. While that works great for some people, it’s not an ideal option for everyone. I’ve been married only 10 years, but I’d like to share ways I’ve discovered to reconnect with my husband. They don’t cost a fortune, and you should make them a priority.
RITUALS: Daily rituals such as making the coffee or a simple hug each morning show you care. Other rituals include phone calls, going for walks, bringing home pleasant surprises, doing the dishes or reading the newspaper together. I call them rituals, but they’re also kind gestures. These are the little things that connect couples but aren’t as intense as deep conversations. Maybe for you it’s holding hands or flirting.
HUMOR: Especially when you’re having a rough day, keeping a sense of humor helps you connect. I use character quotes from movies and impersonate people we know. You can write a short note or send an e-mail. I send my husband articles and cartoons that might interest him. Show you’re interested in his or her day.
GRATITUDE: A simple thank you or compliment shows you care. Offer to cook dinner or give a massage. Show your appreciation and use words. No one wants to feel taken for granted.
RECOGNIZE: Seize opportunities to connect. Important conversations don’t happen every day. You have to seek the moments that foster them. It’s all in the timing. You could be in the car together and notice something beautiful. Shared beauty can open the heart to unexpected communication. These are the moments to share hopes and dreams or talk about memories. They’re reminders that you’re still in it together.
ACTIVITIES: While taking a class together or enjoying a sport or hobby can be fun, playing cards or even cleaning can bring you together, too. It might seem like a good idea to do activities that only one partner enjoys, but, in the long run, that doesn’t add to the relationship. It is nice sometimes, but not all the time. You don’t have to be 100 percent compatible to be happy together. You can feel you don’t have much in common, but you should understand each other deeply.
SPONTANEITY: There’s comfort in familiarity, but sometimes it’s nice to mix things up. This doesn’t have to be complicated, like going skydiving or bleaching your hair. It can involve sharing new experiences together, such as taking a new route home, wine tasting, listening to new music or trying new foods. Relationships are like seasons. They cycle and change. Roll with it.
BELIEVE: Have faith that your partner has the best of intentions. No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. Learn to forgive and encourage. Your responses to even the mundane moments count. Know in your heart that it’s not too late to give more to your relationship. Good relationships often take work, negotiation, sacrifice and compromise. Love isn’t simply an emotion: It’s a consistent action. If you’ve neglected the important person in your life, reach out. Reconnect.
译文:
让爱在一段关系中永存
一段关系需要某些紧密的联系物来保持其持久性。为家庭琐事而争论不休或为零星小事而感到厌烦，这都有可能使我们忘记为何投入其中的初衷。除那些不可能切断的关系外，许多人都仅仅需要些时间来重新联系，维持关系的继续。然而，共享喜欢的感觉可以算是一种投资。在许多方面，像你的经费预算什么的，你或许对投资早已熟悉。我听说很多情侣或夫妻有特定的晚上约会。但当这对某些人的意义过于重大时，便不再是每个人的理想选择了。我结婚虽然只有短短十年，但我还是想把我在与丈夫的感情交流中发现的一些技巧拿来和大家分享。这些技巧不会让你在经济上付出一分一毫，只要你时时把他们牢记于心，放在首位。
“例行公事”：每天的“例行公事”，诸如为他煮一杯咖啡，每天早上一个简单的拥抱等，都能显示出你对他的关心。还有其他的一些，包括时时电话联系，一起去散步，把愉快的惊喜带回家，饭后洗碗，或一起读报纸，等等。我把他们称作“例行公事”，其实是一些很好的习惯做法。正是这些小事联系着双方的感情，但还不能和深刻的沟通交流相提并论。或许。你还可以手牵着手，打情骂俏，来增加情趣。
幽默感：枯燥的一天中，保持你的幽默感对你们感情的联系十分有帮助。我会利用电影中的角色来扮演或模仿我们生活中熟悉的人。你可以把这些写成一张小便条，或发一封电邮给你的另一半。我会把我丈夫感兴趣的文章、漫画发给他。这样做能显示你对你另一半生活的关心。
感激：一句简单的感谢或赞美，都是你关心的表现。通过主动为他煮晚饭或按摩，来传递你的赏识，并通过语言表达出来。因为说出来，才没有人会感觉这是理所当然的。
识别：要抓住每一个交流的机会。重要的情感沟通不是每天都会发生的，所以你不得不抓住每一个可能促使它发生的时机。时机无处不在，可能在车里，你们一起注意到某个美丽的事物，而分享美丽的同时，会意外地打开我们的心扉，让我们畅所欲言。这些时候，我们分享希望、梦想，或一起回忆过去的种种。正是这些提醒着我们：永远会在一起。
活动：一起上课、一起运动或者拥有共同的爱好都是一种乐趣，而一起打牌、一起打扫也能拉近你们之间的距离。从事只有一方喜欢的活动表面上似乎是一个好主意，但长期下来，并不有益于关系的发展。有些时候或许是愉快的，但这种愉快的感觉决不会持久。因为你不能百分之百地保证这种相容能使你们都感到快乐。你可能觉得你们没有很多共同点，但你应该学会如何更好地互相了解。
自发性：熟悉度会让人感到舒适，但有时也会让你感到模糊不清。它不会像跳伞运动或漂白头发那样，过程复杂难辨，而是涉及一些需要共享的全新经历，比如按新的路线回家、品尝一种新的葡萄酒、听一种新的音乐，或尝试做新的事物，等等。关系就好比季节，循环改变着。我们要随它的改变而改变。
信任：始终相信你的另一半是最好的。人无完人，都会犯错。学着去原谅他、去鼓励他。你的反应，即使是对平凡事物的反应，对他而言都有着重要的意义。要心中明确，不能太晚而以至于不能挽回你们之间的关系。良好的关系往往需要努力、协商、牺牲和妥协。爱情不仅仅是一种情感，它是一种长期的行为。如果你忽视了生命中那个重要的人，那么请伸出双手，重新去建立你们之间的爱情吧！