大海里的海螺，有着坚硬的外壳，甲壳上有礁石一样的保护色，令它们安然无恙。但一到爱情的季节，它们便因为谈情说爱而一反常态，将三分之二的嫩肉探出壳外，激动得象醉鬼，成群结队的从藏身处涌出来，为集体结婚几十几百个拥抱在一起，最终集体赴了人类的饕餮大餐。
威武雄壮的蟹子，坚实的蟹壳是它们护身的盾，但当爱情来临之际，一切的坚硬都在瞬间化作了浪漫的柔软。当激动的男蟹热情的张开八条腿，和相爱的女蟹进行钢筋铁骨般的拥抱时，也重演了一代又一代成为人类美食的悲剧。
原以为，人类有血有肉，有感觉有知性，才会互生爱慕，神魂颠倒。原来爱情就如罂粟，它美丽的花朵发出的迷香，对万物同样有着不可抗拒的致命诱惑。
总在慨叹人类为了自己的欲望随意的生杀予夺的同时，也为自然界中一切慷慨赴爱的壮举感动。
由于各种欲望的存在，人类对于爱情的取舍，相对于自然界的其它生灵，要复杂得多。其中一个取舍的结果，就是性与爱的分离。
据心理学对人的需求的界定，性就像五谷杂粮之于人类，是一种低层次的动物性的需要，而爱，则属于高层次中的精神需求。有数据显示，在中国，有一半左右的家庭，性和爱是分离的。
爱是人类心中美好的憧憬，有情人终成眷属更是一种美好的愿望和人类情感中最完美的归属。只是现实中很多原因造成了不可弥补的遗憾：一是无爱也成眷属；二是有情人终成眷属后，零距离的相处如同衣服之于皮肤，慢慢的，不再有当初相遇见的爱慕和欣喜，不再有渴望贴近的激动和颤栗，剩下的只有熨帖，当日子如车轮般碾过，剩下的熨帖也随岁月渐渐霉黄。又或者是柴米油盐消磨中的磕磕碰碰，日积月累，俩人虽同处屋檐下，却冷若陌路人。
无论哪一种，当婚姻里没有高层次的爱只剩动物性的生理需求时，围成中的男女，谁更痛苦？
一直以来，社会赋予男人更重要的社会角色，这就使男人相对女人而言，有更强的责任意识和忧患意识，男人们往往把能养家活口或出人头地当做是不可推卸的责任，并以成功为荣，这在很大的程度上满足了男人的虚荣心，冲淡了他们在两性之间、在性与爱之间的患得患失。
相对女人而言，即使全世界一再鼓吹男女平等，即使有更多的人孜孜以求以达到这一目标，事实上，客观让女人成功的条件和机会仍然是比男人要弱，再加上女人天生的受男人娇宠和天生的爱依赖男人，这在主观上决定了女人没有那么强的拼搏意识和出人头地的渴望，没有更多的追求目标和更多的寄托，所以追求爱渴望获得新爱的愿望不可避免的要比男人强烈。
正因为如此，女人为了获得新爱会更加不顾一切。而同时相爱的男女中男人往往考虑更多。在爱与家庭的抉择中，男人往往比女人更懦弱和无情。他们往往会比女人更早的退出爱，退回原来的蜗居壳。即使夜夜听到壳外心爱的女人嘤嘤而哭，即使也心痛心碎，他们也甘愿咬着牙，在壳里寂寂过一生。
在爱中的清醒意识和更强的动物本能，男人往往比女人更能忍受无爱有性。而爱和性对于女人，更象皮肤之于毛发，皮之不存，毛难以附。所以当女人心中无爱时，性便成了酷刑。她们在这日复一日的酷刑中受凌迟，直到最后枯萎，零落成泥。
由于男人和女人都有感觉、有知觉、有思想，所以在爱和性不可两全时，在无法走出的有性无爱的婚姻中，大家都有痛。男人的痛深埋心间，在夜深人静时，在孤单落寞时，悄悄的用爱来吊唁；女人能做的，就是在一次又一次的吊唁中，反反复复的用泪水冲洗痛，直至麻木，直至淡忘爱。
男人的痛在于无从诉说。
女人的痛在于无处排解。
有爱就有痛。同样是痛，女人的痛比男人更深更久远。
(感谢风雨轩的主人风的提议成这一篇文章。风的博客地址：http://panwei2001.blog.163.com/）
（原创作品，谢绝转载！引用请注出处：
http://shuting.456.blog.163.com/）
译文:
Sex without Love, who are more painful, men or women?
Conches in the sea can stay safe with hard shells and reef-like color.But when the season of love comes, they will act quite contrary to their normal behaviors by stretching out most of the tender meat and swarming, like drunks, out of the places they are hiding in large amount . Hundreds of them will get together to hold a “group wedding” and eventually end up becoming dishes on people's table.
Like conches, crabs also have hard shells to protect them. But when love season comes, a male crab will stretch eight legs to hug tightly the female crab he loves. At the moment, the solid shell would give way to their romantic love. And then they will be easily caught and become dishes on the table.
I always thought that only man, with his blood and flesh, his feelings and intellectuality has the ability to love and can be completedly infactuated by it. But now I realize that love is just like poppy, whose flowers can give off a fragrant aroma that has the same irresistable but fatal temptation for all creatures.
As I sigh with regret about man killing other creatures to satisfy his own desires, I am also deeply moved by those creatures who pursue love at the expense of their own lives.
Having different desires makes man's attitudes toward love become more complicated comparing with those of other creatures. One big difference is man's attitude toward the seperation of sex and love.
According to the demarcation of man's need in terms of psychology. Sex is to man what cereal grains are to man. It is a low-level, animal need. While love is a high-level, spiritual need. Statistics have shown that in China, sex and love are seperated in about half of the families.
Love is beautiful in people's mind and that lovers will eventually be weded is a more beautiful wish and the most perfect ending of a relationship. However, in reality, many things causes irreparable regrets. One occassion is that two people who don't love each other get married; and the other is that two people who love each other do get married, but being together from morning to night has gradually worn out their love. Attachment and excitement they experienced the first time they met, and longing for being around are all reduced to consolation. And as time passes, the love left between them will eventually gone. Gradually, though two people live under the same roof, they are like two strangers, having no passion for each other due to daily imperfection.
Whichever it is, When there is no love but animality demand for sex in a marriage, who are more painful, men or women?
All the time, society grants men more important social roles, which makes men have stronger awareness of resposibility and sense of crisis comparing with women. Men always regard supporting family and being outstanding in career as responsibilities they must fulfill and will be proud if they accomplish them. This satisfies their vanity to a great extent and dilute their failure in striking a balance between love and sex.
As to women, even though all the world are advocating that men and women are equal, and more and more people fight unremittingly to obtain this goal, the truth is, objectively speaking, that there are less conditions and opportunities for women to success than those for men. In addition, women are born to be doted on by and depend on men which subjectively determine that women have no stronger sense of hard work and desire to get ahead. As a result, their desire to pursue love and long for new love is inavoidably stronger than men's.
Due to this, women will ignore all other things in the process of pursuing new love. While men in love tend to do more thinking. Between love and family, in most cases, men, more coward and ruthless than women, tend to give up love earlier than women. Even though women sob in front of them, they will turn a deaf ear to them and swallow all their pain.
Men can endure having sex with someone they don't love more than women due to clear awareness and stronger animal instinct in love. While to women, sex is to love what hair is to skin. Without skin, hair can not exist. so having sex with someone they don't love is like a torture inflicted on them. Day by day, they have to suffer from the "excruciation" till they are blasted just like withered and fallen flowers eventually become mud.As both men and women have feelings, perception and thoughts, when they can not have sex with someone they love or when they can not end a marriage only sex exsits, they all feel painful. Men bury their pain deep into hearts, and console it with love in the dread of night when feel lonely. What women can do is crying over it again and again until they will not feel the pain.
Men feel painful because they have no one to talk to.
Women feel painful because they have no way to get rid of the pain.
Pain accompanies love. But to women, the pain is deeper and lasts longer.