原文: 15 Lousy Video Games That Should Never Have Been Made

Almost everyone loves video games. From sports to fantasy adventure RPG, to about anything you can imagine, there are all sorts of games for any type of taste. Some games never get old: look at Mario, Final Fantasy, and the Legend of Zelda. Other games, however, should never have made their way out of the idea room. As a note: it’s amazing how many terrible games are out there. If you look at item 15, it’s hard to believe there are 14 games worse, and yet…

On the shame level, this one is up there with “Custer’s Revenge.” This game is based on the Virginia Tech massacre, and the creator of the game said he did so “because it was funny.”

A terrible game based on a terrible movie, with one of the most boring games ever. Characters look like they were made by a 10 year old using Microsoft Paint program.

This is one of the worst games ever, getting only a 6% out of 100 from PC World, and is best known as the game that was knowingly shipped without any AI programming at all. This remains the second lowest rated game by PC Gamer US of all time.

There were three bastard legend of Zelda games developed by a different company when one branch of Nintendo tried to go to CD technology and failed. The game is considered one of the worst ever.

This is the game that almost killed Microsoft’s video game dreams. Early on the system was strong, but the games were terrible. This video game was so bad that it received some of the lowest scores in the entire history of several video game reviewers. “Edge” only gave it a 1/10 (it is still the only game ever to score that badly) while “Game Informer” gave it 0.5 out of 10. That’s beyond bad.

This game was named the worst game cube game ever, and inspired G-4’s golden mullet award, based on the hair style of one of the evil bosses in this game. The “golden mullet award” is given to the worst game of the year, and it all started with Aquaman.

How bad is this game? It is widely considered by many experts to be the worst fighting game of all time, and it needed Shaq’s image to make sure it didn’t completely bomb. The story is idiotic (Shaq is in Japan and learns kung fu to save the world… really?) The controls suck, game play sucks, and this is on almost every top ten list of worst video games ever made.

This game was so terrible, that there is an actual website of people whose mission is to buy every copy and destroy it. They will pay you for your copy of the game and then destroy it. That’s dedication, and worthy of a place on the all time bad game list.

The introduction starts out promisingly enough with a full brief, decent looking opening graphics, and the promise of good missions. And that’s it. This game is the epitome of terrible programming and AI. the professional video game players from GameStop said they NEVER got past level one. Hostages were stupid, would disappear into walls and thin air, and a ridiculous time limit would count down as you tried to do an impossible mission.

So the graphics are terrible, controls far more complicated than they should be, the AI is junk, and the game is literally impossible…from as early as level one.

Early on, Xbox just could not get it right! Winner of the Golden Mullet award, an award given out for the worst video game every year, this game was generally declared an even worse video game than the Aquaman video game that was so bad it gave them an idea for the Golden Mullet awards.

There is nothing about this game that works. Not fighting, not graphics, not story line. With how many early Xbox games were terrible, it’s amazing the system survived long enough to hit its groove. Drake is one game that most likely, will not be on the top of anyone’s list to make Xbox 360 compatible.

This is on the majority of top ten horrible lists. The graphics and controls are terrible, and this is a blatant rip off of Mario 64, with the stupid furry whatever it is yelling a “cool, hip” line every 3 seconds.

The 3DO is considered perhaps the worst video game platform ever, and many of the 3DO forums online brag about “as owners of the 3DO, we gamers know about truly bad games.” This game was the bar for bad, by which all the terrible 3DO games were measured. Most people have never even heard of “plumbers.” They’re much luckier than the ones who actually played this game, a sad attempt at a sim game about plumbers trying to woo women.

There hasn’t been a good Superman game yet, but this one takes the cake. Terrible cube like graphics that were even worse than pixel games, a weird green haze over everything, and shoddy game play are just a few of the things wrong. One example: you’re supposed to be able to throw cars. Only problem is the game won’t let you ever pick one up. This game was on Nintendo Power’s list of “5 Worst Games Ever,” and this game even has an award named after it: the “Superman 64″ award for most disappointing game of the year.

Okay this is kind of a cheap one since it was never technically released, as this was going to be part of a mini-game from an unreleased Penn and Teller video game that would have been released for Sega CD back in 1994. This game is now available as a download to PC. But the idea behind this game (even if it was meant as a joke, and it isn’t clear if it was or not) is so bad that it belonged on the top ten.

This game is very straightforward. You have to drive a bus through the desert from Tucson, Arizona, to Las Vegas, Nevada. And in an homage to accuracy, the entire trip is in real time, so it is a minimum of 8 hours. Even better:

There is no scenery or traffic or anything on the road. Only one plain desert scene that never changes for eight hours. At five hours of driving, one bug hits the windshield and becomes a green splatter. And the alignment is off just enough that the bus veers to the right just slightly, so it’s impossible to just tape down a button and go do something else. If you make it through eight of the most boring and painful hours of your life, then you score one point.

Especially notable: Burning desire and Custer’s Revenge. As far as not only being bad, but being “shameful,” these are the worst games ever made. Either they’re trying to peddle violent sexual fantasies to kids, with those great Atari graphics, or the sheer stupidity of not catching what those games implied is just stunning. These are the types of games that give video gaming a bad name, and are by far and away the most shameful examples of games ever made.

Not only do these games make almost every list of worst games ever, but when Game Spy Magazine put together a list of the most shameful games ever, Custer’s Revenge came in #1. There is nothing redeeming in any way about these games, and quite frankly I’m amazed they were ever allowed to be produced.

This game was so terrible that even after over 30 years of video gaming, there is still consensus that this is the worst game ever. So many returned cartridges came back that they literally buried thousands upon thousands of them in the desert, piling concrete on top of it. This isn’t even a myth. You can look up online where the dump site is in the Nevada desert.

Ouch. This game was so bad it single handedly destroyed the Atari corporation, and almost destroyed video games, being the biggest single contributor to the “Video Game Crash of 1983.” Wow. I mean, wow.

译文: 回娘胎吧！十五大史上最烂电视游戏！

几乎人人都对电子游戏有一份情。从运动类到梦幻般的角色扮演冒险，乃至所有你能想象出来的东西，总会有那么一款能对上您的口味的。有些游戏经久不衰：如马力奥，最终幻想，还有赛尔达传说。然而，有些游戏却应该在面世之前便被扼杀在襁褓之中。留意：这世上垃圾的游戏多到吓死人。如果你看过第15位的游戏，你简直无法想象还有14个比它更差的游戏…

15

暴走V工大 (V-Tech Rampage：2007)

平台：电脑

就取材可耻程度而言，这款游戏可与“卡斯特复仇记”齐名。它以维吉尼亚理工大学枪杀惨案为蓝本制作，作者称他创造游戏的原因仅仅是为了好玩。

14

小顽童 （Bebe’s Kids：1993）

平台：超级任天堂（SFC）

以垃圾电影为蓝本制作的垃圾游戏，也成就了史上最无聊游戏之一。游戏角色就像是一个十岁小孩用Windows小画板涂鸦出来的一样。

13

究极喧哗 （Extreme Paintbrawl：1998）

平台：电脑

在“PC World”杂志上只拿了6分（100分满分），可谓史上最烂游戏之一，最出名的当数这游戏发售时甚至没有任何AI程序，而且这还是开发商有意为之。这也成就了美国“PC Gamer”杂志史上第二低分游戏。

12

塞尔达： 卡梅隆之杖（Zelda：The Wand of Gamelon：1993）

平台： CD-i

正当任天堂意欲进军CD光碟技术之时，其中一个分部曾让另一家公司开发了三作败坏家门的塞尔达传说，最终惨败收场。这款游戏也被认为是史上最烂之一。

11

斩歌舞伎 （Kabuki Warriors ：2001）

平台：X-Box

这款游戏差点就活活葬送了微软进军电视游戏的梦想。虽说X-Box当时年少气盛，但出品的游戏那是一个糟糕透顶。游戏面世便在数个游戏评测中脱颖而出夺得几项史上最低，可谓烂出境界了。 “Edge”只给了他10分里面的1分（它也是目前为之唯一冲击过这个分数的游戏），而“Game Informer”更是给出了10分里的0.5分。真是垃圾无极限呀！

10

激战亚特兰蒂斯 （Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis ：2003）

平台： 任天堂NGC

此款游戏不但被赋予“NGC史上最烂”的称号，更激发了G-4设立金鲻奖的灵感，因为游戏里其中一个Boss的发型跟金鲻很像。每年金鲻奖都会授予给本年度最差游戏，而它的起源恰恰就是亚特兰蒂斯激战。

9

功夫教场 （Shaq Fu：1994）

平台：超级任天堂 & 世嘉MD

这款游戏有多烂？众多专家均一致认为该作是史上最烂格斗游戏，它甚至还要沦落到靠主角Shaq的肖像来证明它其实并不完全烂透至一塌糊涂。剧情白痴至极（日本人Shaq为了拯救世界而跑去学功夫......不是真的吧？）操控性操蛋，游戏性操蛋，它几乎是每个史上十大最烂游戏排行榜的常客。

更有甚者专门设立了网页就为了收购这款游戏的拷贝然后将其毁灭，这款游戏的烂可见一斑。可以让这些愤青为你拥有这份游戏的拷贝买单然后替天行道将其毁灭，它绝对值得嘉许，让它在史上最差游戏名单上占上一席之地也绝不为过。

8

FBI人质拯救 （FBI Hostage Rescue ：2004）

平台：电脑

游戏以一整版简报，制作还算精良的片头动画作开端，并承诺接踵而来的是一连串精彩的任务，嗯，看起来还不错。但仅此而已。游戏不仅仅是反恐计划的缩影，更是人工智能的“缩”影。GameStop的专业玩家称他们从来没玩过第一关。人质都是白痴，他们会跑到墙壁或是空气稀薄的地方消失，紧接着一个荒谬的倒计时又扣到你的头上为这个不可能完成的任务火上加油。

画面糟透，本该简洁的操作却错综复杂，AI垃圾，游戏实际从第一关开始就无法进行下去….

7

龙人德雷克传奇 （Drake of the 99 Dragons ：2003）

平台：X-Box

早期的X-Box真的不咋D。作为颁给年度最烂游戏的金鲻奖赢家，这款游戏确立了自己比金鲻奖缔造者 —— 激战亚特兰蒂斯更烂的地位。

它真可谓一无是处。要战斗没战斗，要画面没画面，要故事没故事。鉴于早期铺天盖地的烂游戏，X-Box居然还能挺到步入正规实属奇迹呀。龙人德雷克传奇大概不会出现在任何一个玩家的X-Box 360向下兼容名单中。

6

大笨猫3D （Bubsy 3D: The Furbitten Fruit ：1996）

平台：PS

又一款最烂十大榜单的常客。画面和操控都一塌糊涂，再加上每三秒就大叫一声“酷～”的傻逼外壳，根本就是马力奥64的严重阉割版。

5

水管工追女记 （Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties：1994）

平台：3DO

3DO被认为是有史以来最差的游戏平台，许多3DO的在线论坛都喜欢这么吹嘘：“身为3DO的机主，我们才懂什么叫真正的烂游戏。”就那些已经够糟的3DO游戏而言，这款游戏足以衡量它们是否已经到“烂”的地步。许多人甚至没听说过“水管工”—— 一款企图以水管工追求女生为蓝本制作却最终一败涂地的游戏。只能说他们比起那些真正玩过这款游戏的人幸运太多了。

4

超人64 （Super Man 64 ：1999）

平台：N64

以超人为题材从来没出过一款好游戏，而这款游戏更是在这堆垃圾中一举称王。棱角分明的糟糕画面简直比点阵像素更难以入目，所有东西都被一层绿蒙蒙的东西遮住，操控令人发指，然而这些都仅仅只是所有缺点的冰山一角。举个例子：你理应可以投掷车辆的，但问题是游戏根本不允许你把车子举起来。本作曾跻身Nintendo Power杂志的“史上五大最烂”榜单，甚至有个奖项是以它的大名命名： 颁给年度最让人失望游戏的“超人64”大奖。

3

沙漠巴士 （Desert Bus：原定1995年发售）

平台：原定世嘉CD上发售

因为从未正式发行，所以本作显得不那么值钱，它原定是在1994年世嘉CD上发行的佩恩和特勒游戏版附带的一款迷你游戏，但该作从未发行， 而此迷你游戏现在PC上提供下载。但这游戏的概念（我们无法得知它到底是不是想出来搞笑的）已经糟糕到与生俱来便应该位列前十。

游戏玩法相当直白。你要做的就是开着辆巴士从亚利桑那州的图森出发，穿越沙漠到达内华达州的拉斯维加斯。然而为了追求精准，整趟旅程将是实时计算的，因此，这至少需要8小时。更妙的是：路上并没有任何的景观或车辆什么的。只有一片一成不变的茫茫沙漠陪你度过这8小时。 唯一值得欣慰的是在行驶了五个小时以后，一只小虫会撞到挡风玻璃上变成一滩绿色的浆糊。巴士的校准也相当离谱，以至于在行驶过程中会轻微向右偏航，因此，想粘着一个按钮然后干其他事情那是不可能的。如果您能熬过人生中这最痛不欲生的八小时，那您将获得一分的奖励。

2

雅达利制作的任何一款“成人”游戏

特别关注：熊熊欲火和卡斯特复仇记。不单只是烂，还相当可耻，这些游戏是世上最垃圾游戏，没有之一。他们大概认为用那些伟大的雅达利图像来向孩子灌输暴力色情幻想，或者说把这些游戏弄得不知所云的白痴构想实在是炫极了。这就是那些赋予电子游戏恶名的游戏，这就是游戏史上最可耻的丰碑。

这一系列游戏不但冲击着每个最烂游戏榜，而且当Game Spy杂志整理出史上最可耻游戏榜时，卡斯特复仇记位列榜首。这一系列的游戏简直无可救药，坦白说，我真为他们还能被批准生产而感到诧异万分。

1

E.T.外星人 （E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial：1982）

平台：雅达利2600

本作已经烂到即使电视游戏经历了30年的历史长河，但我们仍能毫无二致地把它看作银河系最烂游戏。数以万计退回来的卡带被一批又一批地埋在了沙漠里，其上覆盖着一层厚厚的水泥。这还算不上神话呢！你甚至能从网上看到这个垃圾堆到底在内华达沙漠的哪个位置！

噢！ 无以复加的烂令它不费吹灰之力便摧毁了整个雅达利集团，连整个电视游戏业也险些遭殃，它甚至独挑大梁一手造就了“1983游戏浩劫“。哇噻！我只想说，哇噻！