Since realizing that I was unconsciously “programming” my little niece, I’ve been pretty wary about how I’m interacting with her. Young children are just like sponges and will absorb almost anything we feed into them. They don’t have the filters to differentiate what’s right and wrong and having to correct those improper ones when they’re grown up can be quite an excruciating experience. Not to mention the embarrassment at times.
I used to have this University ex-hostel mate. A brilliant straight-As student. When she was still in junior high school, she got this impression – most likely from her parents - that if a boy and a girl “slept together”, the girl would be pregnant. Well, theoretically she was right, wasn’t she? But apparently her parents omitted the “important prerequisite” for the pregnancy. One day when she went to a school camp, she was so worried the whole night if she would be pregnant the next day that she didn’t sleep well! The whole class of boys and girls slept in the same vacated classroom! Ha ha!
Not many people can be so upfront with their improper beliefs like she did. Talk about it to her friends. Laugh it off as a joke. And develop new beliefs to replace it. Most chose to ignore and let the issue snowball. Some, like my sister, wasn’t even aware of it.
In my opinion, revamping our deep seated negative beliefs and thoughts is necessary. But what’s even more important, is to curb the inflow of lack programming. Otherwise, no matter how much correction you do, you’ll constantly find yourself in a continuous, never ending truckload of negativity & lack.
So what else can you do besides watching what you say or do, censoring your information sources, reviewing your habits and be mindful of the people you hang around with? Here are some other ideas.
(1) Anchoring
This is the same approach I’ve used to condition my niece. It associates a stimuli – either an action or sense – with a particular thought or emotion. In the case of my niece, my rummaging in the bag is a stimuli. The lingering sweet taste of the candy is the thought. In the 1890s, Nobel Laurette, Ivan Pavlov did a similar experiment. He rang a bell as some dogs were given food laced with chilli powder and the moment the dogs saw it, they salivated. After a couple of repeated actions, Pavlov was able to induce the dogs to salivate just by ringing the bell alone!
Now, if anchoring has the power to make my niece run across the hallway for an imaginary piece of candy, chances are you can create your own feel good designer anchors and activate them whenever you want. Especially if you’re in need of a positive boost.
Let’s use an example. Assuming you want to recreate the rush-in-the-adrenaline “ah ha” feeling you often get after reading an inspirational story,
- First, decide on an anchor to activate this feeling. Such as clutching your fingers into a tight fist.
- Refresh your memory of the “ah ha” feeling. If you have problems recalling it, pick up an inspirational story book and re-read it.
- As the sensation gets vivid and reaches its peak, immediately clutch your fingers
- Then release the tension on your fingers as it begins to wear down. Otherwise, you may be also associating the anchor to a draining adrenaline loss if you keep holding on to the tension.
- Once the feeling is totally gone, relax in a count of 10.
- Repeat the steps above to make sure the anchoring stays.
- Test it out!
I was giving this anchoring method a test drive at the point of writing this article. During the anchoring process, I was constantly practicing it with my right hand and it works wonderfully. When I tried the same using my left hand, hey but I don’t get the same feeling at all. Interesting.
Go ahead. Give it a try.
(2) Affirmations or Positive Self Talk
By constantly repeating a positive statement to yourself everyday, you hammer a thought, condition or feeling into your subconscious mind, inducing it to believe as true. To do this, you need a piece of paper, a dash of creativity and not to forget, a continuous flow of emotions and persistence :
- Write down the phrase “I am so happy “ on the paper.
- Continue writing the condition or feelings you want to achieve. Something like this :
“I am so happy that I am now achieving total success in every aspect of my life. Good health, true happiness and money flows into my life in an easy, relaxed and positive way.” - Feel free to add your goals into the statement if you want. Some people gets very positive vibes whenever they dream or talk about their goals. You may be one of them.
- Take out this piece of paper and read the statement to yourself loudly and emotionally every morning and evening
I had a chance to play around with affirmations many years ago and frankly, I didn’t have had much good results with it. Reading the statement out loud every night felt like a chore as I wasn’t able to summon strong emotions and feel for the words. Sometimes, I even forget to read them! Spicing up the process by listening to motivational music helped, but over the course of the year, I’ve found an easier and more effective way to work with affirmations. That is, reading it via Dr Lens’ approach, also known as the Hoponopono method. I’ve briefly mentioned this method in a previous article.
Through the use of 4 simple phrases during my daily chanting prayers, I was often able to invoke positive emotions pretty easily. I guess reciting the phrases towards someone with a spiritual connection allows me to take accountability for my problems, seek forgiveness, express gratitude & love at the same time, all of which are pretty powerful sensations. There were times when I could literally feel a shudder running through my spine. You’ll feel as if you’ve just confided in someone, letting go of the truckloads of negative emotions within you to make way for the positive ones. And yes, I usually get pumped up and reinvigorated afterwards.
(3) Self Hypnosis
Even though I’ve yet to achieve great results with self hypnosis, many people have reported huge success with it. They use it to lose weight, quit smoking and some even use it to increase their self esteem! Sounds incredible, isn’t it?
Self hypnosis can be pretty similar to affirmations in that you run suggestions and positive statements through your mind everyday. The difference is, you do it in a sleepy or trance like state often conducted via a voice in a self hypnosis type. It’s believed that the mind is less likely to resist the suggestions during a semi conscious state, making it easier to alter one’s consciousness.
Sometimes, the hypnosis can also put you into an imaginary setting so that you’re able to draw certain observations from your interaction with the situation. For example, I remembered listening to a hypnosis tape to help me predict how I would fare 10 years’ later. The speaker led me into an imaginary woods to locate a house and asked me to describe it to myself. “The house will be your home in the future” he said. I was subsequently asked to step into the house to greet the future “me” and my family.
And you know what I saw? I saw myself dressed in a house dress with my “husband”. Gee, I thought I really looked like a housewife. The other funny thing was, the guy who was supposed to be my “husband” looked like someone I was admiring at that time! Ha ha. Though I can’t imagine myself being a housewife and the “husband” whom I was supposed to be with is now happily attached to someone else, the whole self hypnosis experience was quite fun.
However, it’s important to note that no one can be “hypnotized” against his own will. That means, if you’ve bought a self hypnosis tape thinking that it wouldn’t help, chances are, it wouldn’t. Because, the effect of hypnosis really depends on your motivation, willingness and faith to make it work for you.
If you’re interested to learn more about self hypnosis and find out if it works for you, try signing up for this free 5 day online eCourse to get free hypnosis lessons, audio samples, worksheets and even a trance script in your email.
(4) Profiling
I’m sure you’ve heard of this. If you want to be successful, emulate the ones who are there because success leaves clues. That’s the principle behind profiling. Say you want to play tennis as well as Roger Federer, you can read his autobiography, watch his every matches, analyze his strokes and factor them into your own practice. While reading and watching more about him, you begin to adopt as many of the habits that lead to his success as an accomplished tennis player. In other words, you play copycat.
Profiling can be a rather powerful programming technique. But like all approaches described, it’s also a double edge sword. Drawing a line between picking up only the good habits versus idol worshipping can be a challenge for people who constantly like to use profiling to program themselves. I know that’s ironical but it’s true. For example, haven’t you seen young people smoking pot because the glamourous celebrities in Hollywood do it as well? Or young achievers sinking into complacency because their idols falls for it too?
(5) Vision Board
Many people thought Vision Boards are just for physical goals. But if you recall my Vision Board experiment, positive emotions can also be included in it as well. For example, under the Health & Fitness section of my Vision Board, I’ve used a picture of a man jumping into the air to signify the vitality associated with good sleep and regular exercise. To make that feeling more obvious, I attached the affirmation “I Feel Healthy and Energetic After Sleeping Well and Exercising Regularly”.
I’ve personally derived a lot of fun with the Vision Board as a result of my experiment and would strongly recommend this approach to anyone who’s more of a visual learner. It’ll definitely give you that kick in the pants every morning when you review your board! Do refer to one my earlier articles How I Create My Vision Board – Revealed! if you need help with creating your own Vision Board.
(6) Gratitude Journaling
Do you know that being grateful for the little things you possess in life can actually increase your happiness level by 25%? In an exclusive interview with Sharpbrains.com, Professor Robert Emmons revealed this findings in his 2003 research paper.
In his research, more than a hundred people were asked to keep a journal and subsequently separated into 3 different groups. The first group was asked to write about anything they felt grateful about. The second, on issues that they felt disturbing and irritating. And the last, on matters that had a great impact on them. After 3 rounds of experiments and analysis, people in the 1st group experienced a higher general well being than the other 2 groups!
On hindsight, it’s not difficult to understand why. When one’s always complaining, he’s constantly engaging his mind to think of how life has been unjust to him, totally clouding the possibility that he can breakthrough this with a bit of effort. Sometimes, sticking your head out for a breath of fresh air by just focusing on your “haves” rather than your “don’t haves”, you begin to see things in a totally different perspective. Remember, when you start changing what you see, the things you see change.
I don’t keep a personal gratitude journal but am seriously tempted to do so now!
(7) Masterminding
When I first wrote The Beginner’s Guide To Mastermind Groups, I belong to 2 teams which were more of the open and communicative style. One was structured as a members only forum and whoever has a question, can raise it to the floor. The other was confined to email correspondences. Even though both groups were predominantly dormant now, during the times when I was with them, one of the first things I would do everyday was to login to the forum or my email to check if there were any new ideas or case studies reported by the teams.
It was very inspiring when I hear the successes. Because it proves one thing. If they can do it, so can I. The only question is, how? And my mind will be so focused on thinking on the secondary strategies that I didn’t have much bandwidth left for brooding over negative stuff.
** Photo By Derrick T
译文:
你的计划，你做主。你能做到么？
你的计划，你做主。你能做到么？
意识到自己在不由自主干涉我侄女时，我就很担心怎么与她交流。幼儿就像海绵，我们给予的，几乎能全部吸收。他们还分不清对与错，也无法纠正错误，长大后，这将会是一段痛苦的经历，就更别提偶尔出现的尴尬了。
记得在大学里，曾与一个学习全优生同寝。也许是受她父母的影响，在初中的时候，她认为如果一个男孩子和一个女孩子“睡在一起”，女孩子就会怀孕。理论上，她是对的，不是么？但是很明显，她父母忽略了怀孕“最重要的先决条件”。有一次，参加学校度假营，她一整晚都辗转难眠，害怕第二天会怀孕。呵呵，因为全班男女同学都睡在同一空教室里！
并不是所有人都能像她一样，能向别人坦率地说出自己的错误想法的，和朋友谈起，她会一笑置之。然后用新的观点取代它。很多人则选择忽略它，任由它发展，有些人呢，比如我姐姐，甚至都没有意识到它。
依我看，我们很有必要去改变内心的消极想法。但最重要的是，要去限制缺少规划的输入，否则，不管做了多少纠正工作，你还是会一直处于永无止境的消极和缺乏规划当中。
因此，除了注意动作言语，删剪信息源，审视生活习惯和想着你身边的人之外，你还能做些其他什么呢？下面则是一些建议。
（1）锚定
这是我适应我侄女的办法，在行动或意识方面，它利用特殊的思想或情感去刺激。在我侄女这件事上，翻查包包就是一个刺激。糖果挥之不去的甜味就是一个想法。在19世纪90年代，诺贝尔洛雷特、伊万巴甫洛夫做了一个类似实验。给狗放置了一些拌有辣椒粉的食物，然后摇响铃铛吸引它们注意，一旦狗看到食物，就会流口水。经过几个反复，帕夫洛夫能够仅仅用铃声诱导狗分泌唾液。
如果现在锚定能使我的侄女为了一块假想糖穿过走廊，那么，你可以拥有这样的幸运：锚定设计者的良好感觉和随时能激活它们，特别是当你很需要进步的时候。
让我们来看一个例子，假设你想重新增加肾上腺素，在阅读了鼓舞人心的故事后，你常常会有“哈哈”这种开心感觉。
首先，确定一个锚定来激活这种感觉，比如握紧拳头。
l 提醒自己这种“哈哈”开心感觉。如果你无法回想起，那就重新读一读鼓舞人心的故事。
l 感觉到记忆很清晰生动时，立刻打开拳头。
l 当手指开始松垮无力，放松紧绷的手指。另外，如果你保持紧张状态，你也可以用锚定排腺素流失的水分。
l 一旦感觉消失，放松10秒。
l 重复上述步骤，保证锚定的停留。
l 测试吧！
在写这篇文章的时候，我一直用锚定这个方法试车。在这个过程中，我一直用右手操作，它运作的很好。当我用左手操作时，我却没有了同样感觉。真有趣！
来吧，尝试一下。
（2）自我肯定或自我积极对话
让自己每天一直处于积极状态，给潜意识反复输入一个思想，一种条件，一种感觉，使它相信是真的。要做到这点，需要有一张纸，一点创造力，别忘记了，还有源源不断的激情和毅力。
l 在纸上写下“我很快乐”。
l 继续写下你想拥有的心情，比如“如今在生活的各各方面，我都取得了成功，我很开心。健康，幸福，财源轻轻松松就涌进了我的生活。”
l 随时添加你的目标。有些人一旦有好心情，能随时梦想，随时谈论目标。也许你是其中之一。
l 每个早上，晚上，大声激情朗读自己的这些目标。
很多年前，我实行了“自我肯定”，坦率的说，没有起到什么作用。每晚大声朗读纸上的陈述，感觉是意见苦差事，因为我并不能从它们当中获取激情，甚至有时我会忘记朗读它们。听增加刺激感的激动音乐，但一年过去之后，我发现了一个处理“自我肯定”更简单更有效的方法。那就是参考莱恩博士的建议，即Hoponopono 方法。在之前的一篇文章里面，我曾简单介绍过的。
通过日常对四个简单词语的反复背诵，我常常轻易就能唤起激情，我猜想，给别人激情澎湃的背诵这些词语，我可以同时正视难题，寻求原谅，表达谢意、爱意，这些强烈的感觉都能让我全身战栗。你会感觉到，就像刚和别人吐露过一样，让全身的消极情绪排除体外，取而代之的是积极情绪。是真的，过后我常常为之鼓励，重新充满活力。
（3）自我催眠
尽管我在自我催眠方面取得了大的成功，还是有很多人有比我更大的成功，他们有借此减肥，戒烟，甚至是增强自信！难以置信，是吧？
在你每天采用积极建议的时候，自我催眠和自我肯定是差不多的。区别在则在于，自我催眠常常是由具有催眠作用的声音让你处于睡眠或昏迷状态。大家都认为，这时的大脑在半意识状态下，不怎么会产生抵抗，这样就比较容易改变原有意识了。
有时，催眠同样能够使你处于想象的环境中，因而你可以观察自己的反应，作出结论。例如，我记得一个催眠录音带能使我预测到10年后我是怎样取得成功的。录音带里的讲者引导我想象身处一所房子，然后要求我自我描述，他说“这个房子将来就是你的家。”之后，他要我走进房子，问候将来的“我”和家人。
你知道我看到什么了么？我看见“我”和“丈夫”身着居家装。哇，我看起来真像一个一个家庭主妇，更滑稽的是，假想成为我丈夫的人，很像我爱慕着的人。哈哈，尽管想象不到我成为家庭主妇，也想象不到会成为我“丈夫”的人现在正与某人快乐地交往，整个自我催眠过程还是很有趣的。
无论如何，值得注意的是，没有一个人的催眠状态会违背自己的意愿的。意思是说，如果你买了一个自我催眠的录音带，又认为其没用的话，那么它可能真的没用。因为催眠的效果真正依靠与你的动机，意愿，和它能其作用的信念。若你有兴趣了解更多，可以上网注册5天免费的电子教程，那里有你可了解的催眠、音频事例、练习题以及答案。
（4）资料搜集
你一定听说过了的，如果你想取得成功，则可以去模仿那些成功人士，因为成功总会留下痕迹的。这是隐藏在资料搜集背后的定律。比如你想像罗杰.费德勒一样打网球，你可以读他的自传，看他的每场比赛，分析他的击球动作，然后在自己的练习中模仿。读得越多，看的越多，就会开始采用大多成功球员的习惯动作。换言之，你是模仿者。
资料搜索是相当有说服力的规划技巧，但就像所有办法一样，它也是一把双刃剑。在只学习好的与偶像崇拜之间画一根线，对一直喜欢用搜索资料来做规划的人来说，这无疑是一个挑战。很讽刺也很真实。例如，你没有看见年轻人吸大麻，是因为好莱坞的名人影星也这样做？或者没有看见年轻成功者渐渐骄傲自满是因为他们的偶像也这样？
（5）视觉局
很多人认为视觉局只是用于身体目标，但如果你记得我的视觉局试验，你会知道它也能产生积极情绪的。例如，在我视觉健康的条件下，我曾看着一副这样的图画：一名男子跃身入空中，这显示了活力与好睡眠，常规锻炼有关。为了使这种感觉更加清晰，我强调了肯定“好睡眠与常规锻炼之后，我觉得很健康很有活力。”
个人来说，试验中的视觉局让我得到了很多乐趣。我要想视觉学者强烈推荐这个方法。每当早上你回顾视觉局时，它必定会增加你的记忆。如果你需要这方面的帮助，可以参考以下我之前的文章《怎样创造我的视觉局――展示！》
（6）感谢日记
你知道在生活中为细微小事做感谢是可以提升25％的快乐指数么？在敏锐大脑网站（Sharpbrains.com）的独家专访中，罗伯.艾蒙斯教授说在2003年的学术论文中揭示了这一发现。
在他的研究中，让100多人些日记，然后将他们分成三个小组。第一个小组记录可感谢的事情，第二小组写让人不安的烦恼事情，第三组写对他们影响最大的事情。经过了三轮试验与分析，第一组比二、三组拥有更高的快乐指数。
事后，去了解原因并不难。一个人总是埋怨的话，他就总是让自己大脑想着生活的不如意，完全掩盖了稍作努力就有所突破的可能性。有时，伸出头，呼吸一下新鲜空气，多想想已拥有的，二部曲想没有得到的，你会发现一切未来都会不一眼过了。记住，当你开始要改变所看的事物时，事物就会改变的。
我没写个人感谢日记，但是现在我很想试试。
（7）策划
我开始写《决策者入门指引》时，属于更开放更具交流性的两个小组，一个是作为成员精心组织论坛，让任何有疑问的人都有机会表达出来，另一个是管理电子邮件。即使这两个小组多数时候暂停工作了，但当时，我参与的时候，每天做的第一件事就是进论坛和开邮箱，看看有没有什么小组研究新报告。
听到有人成功时，我都很受鼓舞，因为它证明了一件事情。如果他们做到，我也可以做到。问题是，怎么做？我的思想很专注于辅助步骤，以至于我没有多余的精力放在消极群体身上。