Recently I was discussing a few well publicized, recent parenting catastrophes with a well known child development expert. "I'm sick of
kids being neglected and mistreated!" he said passionately and angrily. "I've decided we should make all parents earn a license before they are allowed to become parents. After all, it's OK for the state to mandate basic requirements be met before it allows us to drive a car. The same goes for practicing medicine. Why not then for the most important job of all to get right - being a parent? If we required a license to parent, we could provide child development and child rearing classes to everyone
before they actually have a kid to raise. I'm convinced we can diminish the amount of child abuse and neglect in this country through this measure."
My colleague cited a book he had just read on the subject. I don't think I can really represent the position fairly, so if you'd like to read a more detailed rationale for the granting of parenting licenses, read the author's own words:
THE RATIONALE FOR LICENSING PARENTS by Jack C. Westman, M.D.
Sounds like a good idea, right?
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To be honest, the idea horrifies me and I told my colleague so. "What's the matter?" he chided. "Afraid to bite the bullet to protect the rights of innocent children so they will not be abused and neglected and to be born into a world in which they are loved and cherished by competent parents?"
I've been thinking a lot about his opinion and his stinging criticism of my unwillingness to go all the way to protect kids. Is he right?
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I hope not, although I must admit I agree with the sentiment behind his modest proposal. Prospective parents should learn about child development and what constitutes basic parenting skills. (Frankly I don't understand why these aren't part of the basic curriculum taught in all schools to all kids.) And, alas, it is true (albeit rarely) that some parents just shouldn't keep having kids (as with a patient of mine whose first five kids are in foster care due to neglect and now she just had her sixth.)
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But even if we wanted to, could we really weed out those who will become rotten parents?
I have been surprised so often I highly doubt it. Take Millie who was a stone cold neglectful cocaine addict when her child was an infant and who, against all odds, turned her life around and got clean and has been a great mom to her four kids since. Or Sally who, after doing OK with her first, had a second child who somehow sent her into a tailspin and turned her into an impossibly neglectful, depressed mom.
Secondly, can adequate parenting skills be taught? Or more importantly, can inadequate parenting skills be overcome by a simple course in child development? I wouldn't bet on it. Can we
teach someone not to abuse their kids? Would that it was so simple! Can we
teach parents to love their kids? Just what would taking a course for the license ensure anyway? Just what would it teach?
Thirdly, who gets to decide and just where would you draw the line between acceptable and unacceptable future parenting skills? I would bet the bias against poor and minority families would especially play out here, as we denied them the right to parent in far greater numbers than we would economically advantaged parents.
Finally, just how would we as a society enforce the lack of a parenting license? The ways to do it seem to me to be too intrusive and horrible to contemplate (forced adoption? jail time?).
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Some human rights seem more untouchable to me than others and the right to procreate without government interference has to be close to the top, even if you are not likely to be a candidate for mother-of-the-year.
As usual, extreme cases tend to lead to bad ideas and a license to parent is one of them. Far better to devote enough resources to help families in trouble: high quality early child care and public school, universal health care for children, opportunities for economic self sufficiency, more programs to help hopelessly inadequate parents, and more safeguards for kids who are exposed to such parents.
But "No" to authoritarian government intrusion into the lives and reproductive biologies of all families.
译文:
当父母还要领执照？
最近我和一位知名的儿童发展专家讨论了几例街知巷闻，且在近日发生的育儿失败情况。他非常激动和生气地说，“
小孩被忽视和虐待的情况我看得够多的了！”“我觉得应该让所有的父母在成为父母之前获得一份执照才行。毕竟，国家在同意我们驾驶汽车之前需要我们符合一些基本要求。在制药行业，情况也是如此。而为什么不在这最重要的工作--作父母有这种要求呢？如果我们要求父母有执照,我们可以向所有准父母提供儿童发展和儿童培养的课程.我相信通过这项措施我们可以减少虐待儿童和忽视儿童的现象.
我的同伴推荐了他读过的一本书,这本书正讨论了以上的问题.我并不认为我能恰当代表书中立场,所以如果你想多读一些更具体的关于授予家长执照的理论,你可以读读杰克C.威斯特曼.M.D撰写的《家长执照基本原理》。
这听起来是个不错的点子，不是吗？
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说实话，这点子把我吓了一跳，我也把自己的想法告诉了同伴。“哪出了问题？”他带了点责备的口气问道。
就他的意见和对于我拒绝尽力保护孩子的尖刻批评，我考虑了很多，他是对的么？
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我希望他是错的，虽然我必须承认我同意在他的建议里包含的情感，准父母们应该学习儿童发展和一些基本的做父母的技能。（坦率地说，我不明白为何这些不列入孩子们在学校学习的基本课程之一）哎呀，确实存在一些父母不一直生育孩子（就像我的前五个孩子都因为被忽视而受到了照顾，但是现在我的妻子又怀上了第六个孩子）。
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但是即使我们愿意去这样做，那些坏家长真的能被处理掉么？
我时常惊讶并怀疑这一点。就拿米莉来说吧，她曾是一个铁石心肠的可卡因瘾君子，对周围的事不管不顾，当她的孩子出世后，她把所有恶习都改了，从那以后，她成为了四个孩子的好母亲。或者说说莎莉，在认真照顾了第一个孩子之后，第二个孩子的出世让她厌倦了带孩子，她变成了一个沮丧而且疏忽大意的母亲。
第二个问题，是否可以提供足够多的做家长的技能，更重要的，一个简单的儿童发展课程是否能教好不合格的家长。我觉得不太可能，我们可以教某人不要虐待孩子么？这哪有这么简单？我们可以教父母去爱自己的孩子吗？仅仅靠上课领证就能保证这个？这到底能教会人什么？
第三点，谁能划定一条界限来考量做父母的技能是否能被接受。我打赌贫穷的或少数家庭肯定会出局。因为我们否定他们做父母权利的次数大大多于否定那些经济情况较好的家庭。
最后一点，我们怎么在这个社会采取措施来解决家长执照问题。这样的方式对于我来说有些入侵式其恐怖，在我看来人权是不可侵犯的，其中最重要的就是生育权，它不能受到政府的干预，即便你不太可能成为年度母亲的候选人。
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如平常一样，极端会把事情发展引到坏的方向去，家长执照就属其中之一，其实更好的方法是投入足够多的资源来帮助问题家庭，例如，建立高素质的早期育儿公共学校，普及儿童健康保健，提供经济自给的机会，推行更多帮助无望及能力不足父母的项目，对有这种父母的孩子进行更多的看护。
但，我们要向专制的政府干涉日常生活及家庭生育的行为说“不”。