原文: How To Be Single And Happy

Learn to appreciate your single status. Here are five things that singles sometimes take for granted.

Step 1:

Sleep

Sleep is a beautiful thing. When you're single, no one's nagging at you to get up or counting the hours that you've spent in bed. You are left in peace with your box fan and body pillow. Sleep all day guilt-free!

Step 2:

Money

When you're single, there's no joint account. You can do whatever you want with your money. There's none of that "what's yours is mine, what's mine is yours" foolishness. No household budget. Go ahead and buy that hideous, life-size statue of Wayne Newton. Put it in the middle of the living room. No one is the boss of you!

Step 3:

Career

Work all night, all weekend if you want to. Then socialize with the boss until 2:00AM or later. Your married co-workers can't compete. They've got "commitments". You win by default! And when that headhunter calls, there's no one holding you back. Pack up and move wherever the fattest paycheck is waiting.

Step 4:

Rejection

When you're single, rejection is your friend. If you're on a bad date, make up some excuse and get the heck out of there. You don't have to ever see her again.

Step 5:

Amuse Yourself

Host a poker tournament complete with back up dancers. See how much laundry you can fit into the washer. Create a new dish out of the few things you have left in the cupboard and eat it in the middle of the night. Become a pro at belching the alphabet. The possibilities are endless.

译文: 如何做一个快乐的单身汉

      学会享受你的单身生活。下面提到的五项是单身汉们有时认为是理所当然的。

第一：

睡觉

      睡觉是一件美好的事情。一个人睡觉的时候，没有人会来唠唠叨叨叫你起床，或是数着你已经睡了多少时间。你可以静静躺在床上，享受清凉的箱式电扇和舒适的护体枕头。你可以毫无犯罪感地睡上一整天！

第二：

金钱

      对单身汉来说没有两人共有的银行帐户。你可以想怎么用钱，就怎么用钱。对单身汉来说，没有所谓的“这是我的，这是你的”这样的蠢话。也没有家庭预算。你可以大胆去买骇人的、和人体一样大的韦恩·牛顿雕像，然后把它放在卧室的中央。没人会对你指指点点的！



第三：

事业

      你可以工作一整夜，如果你想的话还可以工作一整个周末。然后和你的老板聊天一直到凌晨两点甚至更晚。这是你那些已经结婚了的同事无法相比的。他们必须签下了“承诺”，而你却因不受约束而取胜！一旦有任何好的工作召你去，没人能阻止你。你可以随时打包去任何高薪的地方。



第四：

拒绝

      作为一个单身汉，拒绝就是你的伙伴。约会中如果你不在状态的话，就可以找些借口逃离那里。你不必再见到她了！



第五：

取悦自己

      和替补舞蹈演员打纸牌比赛。看看你能在洗衣机里装下多少要洗的衣服。用你碗橱里仅剩的食物做一道新菜，然后在半夜享用。你可以随时打一个长长的嗝。这些可能性是无限的。