Halloween always has been at the top of kids' "fun holidays." And why not? Playing dress up, asking for candy and getting it, staying out a bit late and carving pumpkins--it's all the stuff kids love. But there's also the scarier side of October 31 that can take the fun out of that big night and provoke anxiety, especially for little ones.
Fears are a normal part of child development, but some kids are a lot more fearful and anxious than others. Halloween sure can bring out the "fear factor" in younger children because of their stage of cognitive development. Younger kids can't yet distinguish between make-believe and reality, so their active imaginations help fuel fears. Everything about Halloween--from eerie eyeballs, sticky hanging cobwebs, to ghosts, goblins and things that go bump into the night--play right into their imaginations. It isn't until around the beginning of school-age when kids start realizing they can handle their fears by working through them, or by using coping strategies Mom and Dad may have taught them.
Fears are a certainly a normal part of childhood, but there are a few mistakes parents can make that can exacerbate the fear.
Here are four things to avoid while trick-or-treating (or any other time your child shows a bit of anxiety).
Mistake 1: Trying to use logic to talk the child out of the fear. As trivial or unfounded as a child's worry may seem, the fear feels real to your child and it's causing him or her to feel anxious and afraid. Lecturing, ignoring or trying to use logic with your child will not help.
Mistake 2: Belittling the fear. Telling your child "Don't be silly! There are no ghosts under your bed!" won't make the fear go away. Be clear that you, too, accept even an unrealistic fear producer as real, but you do not believe it will really hurt you.
Mistake 3: Pushing the fear too fast. Pushing the child into the fear (insisting he go into that haunted house or putting his hand into that jar with the eerie eyeballs) can increase the fear factor as well as breakdown your child's trust with you. If you know that Mr. Jones is going to jump out of the bushes and scare the bejeepers out of the kids, then best to avoid that house altogether.
Mistake 4: Overprotecting. Studies find that kids whose parents try to shield them from stressful events wind up more fearful. Protecting too much in childhood produces adults with unusually high portions of panic attacks.[i] So don't be so quick to protect your child from scary Halloween. You may do more harm than good.
There are a number of proven ways that parents can help reduce fears and help their children cope. The trick is to find the fear reducer that works best for your child's age and temperament.
Here are seven ways parents can help reduce their child's fears: - Rehearse how to respond. Young kids learn best through doing, so think of a few scary Halloween elements that could frighten your child (those eerie sounds, kids unexpectedly yelling, "Trick or treat!") Then act them out with your child so he can practice how to respond. Once kids know what to expect, their fears are often reduced.
- Emphasize "fun" not "scary." Downplay the scary, chilling, creepy, parts of Halloween. Talk up the fun, like dressing up, acting up, seeing silly costumes. Stress Casper the Friendly Ghost, the "silly" old jack-o'-lantern, the poor, lonely old witch. The simple shift gives a child a whole different mindset and helps him envision the character more positively.
- Empower the child. When kids feel they have control over a situation, they are less likely to be upset. Hand her a flashlight so she can see the way. Ask her to pick which houses to go to. Teach her to say a line inside her head when she feels scared, "It's okay. It's just pretend."
- Help your child know what to expect. Young children's active imaginations make them imagine the worst, and that boosts their fears. If he has never walked in the street at night, do a practice-run the night before without those scary costumes. Have Daddy put on his funny clown costume a day ahead so your child can get used to that weird nose, or let him listen to that scary Halloween soundtrack tomorrow.
- Introduce the fear slowly. Psychologists use the technique of conditioning to help patients work their way through a fear by giving small increments of the fear factor at a level they can handle. If the child is afraid of the dark, start trick-or-treating when it is light and nighttime slowly comes in. If she's afraid of that ghost costume, let her play with it herself or dress up her teddy bear in it, or make a small ghost costume and gradually increase the size until your child can handle his fear.
- Use the child's magical thinking. Young children have the most vivid imaginations so capitalize on their fanciful thinking. If your child is afraid of monsters, then help her make an invisible potion of "monster-vanishing dust" and sprinkle it on the road. Turn the flashlight into a light saber that makes the road safe.
- Respond to your child's fear with "courageous calmness." If your child is a bit frightened of that ghost--as most kids will be--the best way to respond to reduce the fear is by modeling courage and calmness. Your child is watching your response and using your behavior as a model to copy.
Remember, Halloween is about fun! You can always forgo the trick-or-treating to all the neighbors and just go to a few certain "safe" homes. You can always have your own private party at home. You can always go trick-or-treating during the afternoon or to the mall. After all, there's always next year!
Happy Halloween!
[i] Overprotective parents raise fearful kids: PT Staff, "Parenting Style May Foster Anxiety" Psychology Today, Sep/Oct 2004.
Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including
12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know .
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译文:
驱除万圣节的恐惧心理
万圣节一直是孩子们认为的最有意思的节日。当然了，在这天孩子们可穿着奇装异服，可索取并获得糖果，可在外逗留久一点，可以玩刻南瓜，这些都是他们喜欢做的事。但10月31日的万圣节也有其可怕的一面，尤其对小孩子来说，它使得这一夜的乐趣荡然无存，取而代之的是恐惧。
恐惧是孩子成长过程中平常的一部分，但有些小孩会比其他孩子表现得更恐惧更紧张。万圣节无疑能驱走孩子们恐惧的因素，因为这是他们认知过程的一个阶段。小一点的孩子还不能区分虚拟与现实，所以他们丰富的想象力会增添恐惧心理。一切有关万圣节的东西（古怪而可怕的眼球，粘粘的悬挂着的蜘蛛网，鬼魂，某夜偶遇的爱搞怪的小妖精）都能激起他们的想象力。直到他们开始成为学龄儿童，才意识到自己可控制内心的恐惧，通过进一步了解恐惧或按照父母教给的克服恐惧的策略来实现。
当然，恐惧是儿时很常见的心理，但有少数父母处理不当，则会加剧儿童的恐惧。当有人穿着怪异玩吓唬人的把戏时（或你的孩子在任何时候显出一些惊恐情绪时），有4件事情须避免。
误区1：尽量用理智的话语驱除孩子的恐惧心理。如同可看出孩子的担心一样，一点点的或不成形的恐惧情绪能让孩子感觉真切，并使他们感到急噪和害怕。讲课，忽视或理智的行为这一类事对处理孩子这种情绪都不管用。
误区2：贬低恐惧。对你的孩子说：“别傻了！没有鬼魂在你床下！”是不会驱除孩子恐惧的。你也应该清楚，接受一个甚至不存在的恐惧来源并把它当真，但你不相信它真的会伤害你。
误区3：过激处理恐惧。逼迫孩子进入恐惧中（坚持让他们走进鬼物或把他们的手放入装有古怪眼球的广口瓶中）会增加恐惧因素，并破坏了孩子对你的信任。如果你知道Jones先生准备从灌木丛中跳出来并吓唬孩子们叫到“天呀”，那么最好一起避开那所房子。
误区4：过度保护。研究表明那些在遇到有压力的事情时被父母过度庇护的孩子会变得更恐惧。在儿时受到过度保护的人，成年后突发性的恐惧会成为不常见的重要的一部分。所以不要马上针对万圣节的恐惧保护起你的孩子。这样做只会弊大于利。
这有许多被证实的有效方法可提供给父母，帮助减轻恐惧并应付孩子的这种心理。这些方法能根据孩子的年龄和性格最有效地减少他们的恐惧心理。这有7种方法供父母帮助减轻他们孩子的恐惧心理：
1. 事先演练如何应对。年幼的孩子能通过实践学得最好。所以想想那些会让你孩子感到惊恐的有关万圣节的恐怖的元素（那些奇怪的声音，孩子们突然的大叫“骗你的把戏”）。之后把这些排演出来，让你的孩子练习如何应对。一旦孩子们知道将要发生的事，恐惧感自然会减轻一些。
2. 强调“乐趣”而非“恐惧”。淡化万圣节那可怕，令人胆寒生畏的部分。说些有趣的话题，如穿着奇装异服，扮演角色，看着愚蠢的服装。强调鬼魂的友好，傻傻的老人提着灯笼，可怜孤独的老巫婆。简单的改变就能给孩子截然不同的感受，并能帮助他把人物想得更积极。
3. 给孩子一定的权力。当孩子们感到自己处于被人控制的状态中，他们会感到些许不高兴。给她一把手电筒让她看清道路。让她自己选择该去哪所房子。当她感到害怕时，教她默念一些自我安慰的话，“没事。它是假的。”
4. 帮助你的孩子知道将要发生的事。年幼孩子活跃的想象力会让他们把事往坏处想，进而增加他们的恐惧感。如果他从不在晚上走在街上，那么在万圣节的前晚不穿那些吓人的服装演练一遍。如果父亲在万圣节的前一天穿上他有趣的小丑衣，那么你的孩子就会习惯那奇怪的鼻子，或者让孩子听一听明天万圣节将发出的恐怖的声音。
5. 逐渐介绍恐惧。心理学家用调节技术帮助父母解决孩子的恐惧，通过一点点增加恐惧因素来达到他们可控制的水平。如果孩子害怕黑暗，在接近黎明时或夜幕降临时耍些把戏。如果她害怕鬼的装扮，让她或她的泰迪熊穿上这衣服，自己和自己玩，或做一件小小的鬼服，再逐渐加大它的尺寸直到你的孩子能控制这种恐惧。
6. 利用孩子魔幻的想象力。年幼的孩子拥有最生动的想象力，它会把他们古怪的思想放大。如果你的孩子惧怕怪物，那就帮助她制造一剂无形的“怪兽消失粉”，并把它洒在道路上。打开手电筒，光束能确保道路的安全。
7. 以“勇敢的冷静”回应你孩子的恐惧。如果你的孩子有点害怕鬼魂（当然，大多数孩子都怕），坚强恐惧最好的方法就是以勇敢和冷静取胜。你的孩子看到你的反应后会以你的行为为榜样模仿你。
记住，万圣节是有趣的！你可一直避开邻居们的吓人的把戏，仅让孩子去少数的那些所谓“安全”的房子。你可以一直在家里开你私人的派对。你可以一直在下午或商业街上耍那唬人的把戏。毕竟，明年还有万圣节！
万圣节快乐！
父母过度保护孩子会增加孩子的恐惧赶：PT员工，“父母教育方式有可能助长焦虑情绪”《今日心理》，2004年九月/十月出版
Michele Borba博士，22本书的作者。其中包括《母亲须知的12个简单的秘密》
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