Discussing any topic with tween or young teen can be difficult. Sometimes it’s tough to simply start a conversation, let alone get an important message across,without losing your child’s attention (or losing your temper). This is especially true when it comes to more sensitive subjects, such as substance use.
While there’s no one-size-fits-all way to talk to a child about tobacco, alcohol and other drugs, there are some things you can do to prepare for whatever questions and comments come your way.
- Be clear about your own substance-related beliefs and values.
- Ask yourself if and when you would accept smoking and drinking in your house.
- Think about your views about cannabis and other illicit substances, and consider why you hold those beliefs.
- Think about what messages you’re sending your teen by your own tobacco, alcohol and other drug use patterns and attitudes.
When it comes to having an actual conversation, embrace the opportunity to be open, honest and in tune with your child. It’s a gift to be able to share your heart and wisdom about important issues that surround them everyday, now and in the future.
- Clearly express your expectations about your child’s use of tobacco, alcohol and other drugs. If you give a mixed message, or if you actually believe it’s okay if they smoke or drink, you can probably expect that they’ll use substances too. Keep in mind that tweens and young teens (up to age 15) are still developing physically, mentally and emotionally. Substance use of any kind can hinder their development.
- Talk openly about the teen experience, including situations where using substances might be an option. Discuss potential benefits and consequences of accepting offers for tobacco, alcohol or other drugs. Make sure your child knows that the choice is theirs, not their friends’, and that with that choice are consequences.
- Give your teen the opportunity to tell their story and situation. Resist assuming you know exactly what is happening in their world.
- Keep in mind the teen mind. Research suggests teens respond best to examples of short-term harms. That is, telling a teen that smoking gives them bad breath will have more impact than only telling them they’ll get cancer.
- Consider the negative side of scare tactics. Some young teens will dismiss scare tactics and exaggerations, especially if they contradict their own experiences. For example, “try marijuana once and you’ll be hooked for life” might not be a realistic statement. All your child has to do is look around to find examples that contradict what you’re saying. If they find flaw with your views on drugs, your child may end up questioning everything you say.
If you’re concerned about how you might be coming across to your child, try keeping in mind the basics.
- Be curious about your child’s developing opinions.
- Talk about yourself sometimes, instead of your teen. Young teens often don’t like being the only topic under discussion. When it makes sense, tell them about your own teen memories and mistakes.
- Be respectful of your child’s point of view. You don’t have to agree with your child, but it’s helpful to avoid reacting angrily or negatively to what they have to say.
- Avoid going into “lecture mode.” Your child will likely tune out if you do all the talking and load the conversation with “you’d better” and “you’d better not” statements.
- Take advantage of strange times for talking. You never know when an important question is going to pop up in your child’s head. It could happen while you’re strolling down the grocery aisle or weaving through afternoon traffic. If you’re able to safely take on a conversation during an inconvenient time, go for it. If not, tell your child you think the question is really important and would love to talk more about it when you get home and can focus better.
译文:
和你的孩子谈论香烟，酒和其他毒品
和十几岁的孩子讨论任何话题都是困难的。有时候连开始谈话都很费力，更不要说孩子的注意力一直很集中（或者你的脾气一直很好）地讨论出要点。当涉及到一些更加敏感的主题，这就尤其正确了．
和孩子谈论香烟，酒和其他毒品，没有一种适合所有人的方法．但对于谈话过程中会出现的任何问题，看法你是可以事先准备的．
- 明确你自己对于香烟，酒和其他毒品的信念和价值观．
- 问问你自己你是否以及你什么时候可以接受在你家中有吸烟和喝酒的行为．
- 请想一想你自身对于大麻和其他非法物质的观点，并且考虑一下你为什么持有那样的信条．
- 考虑一下对于香烟，酒和其他毒品的使用模式以及你自己的态度你要向十几岁的孩子说些什么．
当你们确实进行了这次谈话，请珍惜这样的机会，一定要民主，诚实，与你的孩子保持和谐．这是一个机会你可以和孩子谈谈你的想法如何处理那些每天，现在以及将来在他们身边发生的重要的事情．
- 对于孩子是否可以吸烟，喝酒，服用其他毒品，你要明确表达自己的要求．如果你的要求含糊不清，或者你确实认为他们吸烟，喝酒都没有问题，孩子就可能有这些行为发生.记住十几岁的孩子(直到15岁)仍处于身体,心理,感情的发育阶段.吸烟，喝酒，服用其他毒品都会防碍他们的发展.
- 开诚布公的和孩子谈谈少年时代的经历,包括可能会发生吸烟，喝酒，服用其他毒品的场合.讨论接受别人邀请吸烟，喝酒，服用其他毒品的潜在的益处和后果.确保让你的孩子知道这是他们自己的选择,而不是他们朋友的选择以及这样选择的后果.
- 给孩子机会来说说他们自己的事情.不要自以为知道在他们的世界中发生的一切.
- 记住这些十几岁孩子的思想.研究表明青少年对于短期的危害反应最强烈.也就是说,告诉孩子吸烟会使他们吸入有毒物质比仅仅告诉他们吸烟会使他们得癌症更有作用.
- 要考虑到一味喝斥的负面效果。一些青少年对于你的喝斥，夸大其词毫不放在心上，如果你的话和他们的经历互相矛盾那更是如此了。举个例子，“服用一次大麻，这样你就会爱上你的生活．＂这可能不是实际生活中的情况．你的孩子会在身边找出和你的话相矛盾的例子．如果他们发现你对于毒品的观点有不妥之处，他们会质疑你所说的一切．
如果你要和孩子进行一次谈话，一定要记住这些基本要素．
- 对于孩子不断发展的观点要保持好奇心．
- 有时候可以谈谈你自己，而不是只说你的孩子。十几岁的孩子不喜欢成为谈话的唯一话题。如果行得通，告诉他们你自己在十多岁时发生的事情和犯的错误。
- 要尊重孩子的观点。你可以不同意孩子的看法，但对于他们所说的你不能勃然大怒或不屑一顾。
- 避免陷入教条模式。如果你在谈话中孩子说＂你最好做．．＂，＂你最好不要做．．＂，你的孩子很可能会对你毫不理睬．
- 利用任何时间来进行谈话．你不会知道你孩子的脑中什么时候会冒出重要的问题.有可能是当你们在杂货店闲逛的时候，或者是某天下午正开着车的时候 ．如果在这些不是很便利的情况下你可以安全地进行一次谈话，那就这样做吧．如果不行，那告诉你的孩子你认为这个问题确实非常重要，你想等到了家，你更能集中注意力的时候和他详谈．