Sometimes it’s hard to keep up with them - your children. It wasn’t long ago when you could just tell them what to do and they listened. You were the boss. But now that your kids are teens, you just don’t seem to hold the same authority and telling your teen what to do only seems to backfire.
Parenting the teen does take a different approach than parenting younger kids. Looking back it seemed relatively easy. They were born itty-bitty so you could take control – usually to keep them safe from harm, to teach right from wrong and begin to equip them with problem solving and relationship skills. But hey, remember when they were about two or three years old and they began to toddle off and test your limits? This was normal child development and you soon trusted that your child wouldn’t touch the stove, muck about in the flowerpots or bite the cat.
Adolescence is kind of similar in process to the two or three year old testing their limits. In adolescence though the test is more towards social limits; who they can go out with, when, where and for how long. Unlike the young child though, adolescence is nerve-wracking because now they are truly out of sight, the stakes are higher and your didn’t raise your kid for 13 years plus to see them get into trouble now. Also unlike the young child, your teen is no longer itty-bitty and you can’t simply tell them what to do.
Parenting the adolescent requires extreme trust, patience and letting them take responsibility for decisions even when the consequences are not favorable. They do need to learn what the mantle of responsibility means during adolescence so that as adults they are suitably equipped to then carry on responsibly. No practice – no mastery. Taking responsibility takes practice and opportunity.
As difficult as it may seem, the parenting style has to shift from being the boss to being a consultant. Now, no one is saying here that there aren’t any rules, but they are more flexible and more subject to negotiation. When you were the boss, you simply told your young child what to do and you expected them to abide by your wishes. Now as a consultant you are more in an advisory position and must rely on the judgment of your teen to chose correctly.
Remember teaching your child to ride a bike. Eventually you let go of the seat and your child went sailing down to sidewalk only to eventually fall and at some point scrape a knee or palm.
As you begin to let go of your teenager, they too will eventually scrape their knee and be hurt, but ultimately they will learn and grow to master relationships and expectations in a responsible manner. Adolescence is a testing ground to learn the rules of adulthood. Let them learn now for success later.
It’s all right to hold your breath though. It can be nerve-wracking.
译文:
青少年教育——父母从老板变成顾问
有时候你很难跟上他们的思路——你的孩子。不久前他们还很年幼，你就似他们的老板,你告诉他们该怎么做，他们会聆听。但是现在你的小孩是青少年了。所以你不用一直掌握着这个权力然后来告诉小孩怎么做才是对的，因为这样往往适得其反。
教育青少年时期的孩子与教育年幼的孩子不同，需要用不同的处理方式。回头看，小时候似乎比较容易，他们出生时嗷嗷待哺，你能一手掌握所有事——保护他们的生命安全，教导是非，并开始帮助他们掌握解决问题的相关技能。但是！你要明白他们才2到3岁，他们有在放学以后晚回家来测试你的忍耐极限吗？这都是儿童的正常发展，你很快便会看到你的孩子大长了，不会再去接触炉灶、也不会散乱花盆里的渣土、更不会再用嘴巴去咬猫咪。
少年的青春期时期，就是青少年花二到三年的时间测试自己行为极限的过程。青春期孩子的自我测试就似社会行为极限，例如：他可以和谁出去？去哪里？什么时候？可以去多久？与年幼的孩子不同，青少年令父母感到不安，因为它们正试着走出父母的视线，对父母来说，赌注是巨大的，因为您会不忍心见到自己养育了13年之久的孩子碰上什么麻烦事。此外，你的孩子已经不再年幼了，你不能再简单的指挥他们该做什么。
养育青少年需要父母对小孩最大程度的信任，父母要忍耐，就算结果不尽人意也该培养孩子承担起作决定的责任。在青春期他们应该学习承担责任，这样等他们长大成人就能对自己应负的责任有所准备了。不去锻炼就不会熟练。学习如何负担责任需要你的孩子身体力行和掌握机会。
比较困难的是，父母在这过程中所扮演的角色需要进行切换，态度要从老板变成顾问，这样才没人会再说那些规矩，谈话也会变得更加变通和有内容。一旦你把自己当成老板，你便会简单的告诉孩子该怎么做并且期望他们按照你的意愿来办事。但是现在作为一个顾问，你便会站在一个咨询的立场让你的孩子依靠自己的判断力来选择正确的做法.
记得让你的孩子骑上自行车，因为最终你会忽略了孩子，而你的孩子在外游玩的时候很容易会在人行道上摔倒擦伤膝盖和手心。
当你开始渐渐对青春期的孩子放手以后，可能他们会擦伤膝盖会受伤，但是最终他们会学着长大，学着做自己的的主人，对自己的人际关系和前途负上责任。青春期就是测试自己，学习成年人的规则。让他们现在学习是为了以后的成功。
现在你可以屏住呼吸了，因为你接下去的任务是非常伤脑筋的。