“Fall seven times, stand up eight.” - Japanese proverb
It’s inevitable: sometimes, life just doesn’t go your way.
Your schedule gets all messed up. You fail to follow your exercise plan. Someone is mean to you. You feel like quitting something. You want to curl into a little ball and cry.
Life deals out its blows, and leaves us discouraged, angry, frustrated, depressed, drained. And once we’re in that bad place, in a mood where we just don’t care about anything, it’s pretty hard to get out of it.
But let me share a little secret to happiness and self-improvement here: all that stuff? It’s just in your head.
Yeah, it sure doesn’t seem like it. It seems that the slings and arrows of life are all coming at us. It feels like we’re a failure. But it’s true. It’s all in your mind.
How can I trivialize horrible things that happen to you like that? By making it seem like a simple mental problem? Because that’s what it is, and once you realize that, you are liberated — you have the power to change your circumstances!
It’s not an easy task, I’ll give you that. It’s incredibly, monumentally hard. Changing your mind and changing your life is a mental hurdle worthy of the titans.
But it can be done. All it takes is a few mental tricks, and a lot of energy and willingness to keep an open mind.
“Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.” - Swedish proverb
Let me give you an example: for the last couple years, I’ve struggled with exercise. I actually enjoy running and working out, but there are days when I don’t feel like doing a thing, or when I feel under the weather, and those days can stretch out to a week and that week can stretch into a few weeks. And then I’ve fallen off the exercise wagon and it feels like I can’t get back on.
But then I use the first couple of tricks below, and my mindset changes. I switch on the positive attitude, and realize that my failure to exercise is actually just a stepping stone to fitness success. And looking back, I’ve had 6-7 of these failures, or stepping stones, and they’ve all led me further down the path to fitness. Today, I exercise almost every day, and I’m loving it.
The same is true of every other success I’ve had. This blog, for example, is a success in my eyes, but I’ve had points where I was discouraged by negative comments or emails. I flipped that discouragement around, however, and used the comments to help myself improve.
I had many failures along the way to eliminating my debt, but I made it there in the end, by not quitting. I have faced many tests of my patience and character, and failed not a few of those too. But through practice, I’ve gotten better, and while I’m not perfect, I know that I’ll only continue to improve if I keep the same mindset.
It’s all in your mind. Here are 8 tricks I use to turn anything bad into something truly awesome.
- The power of positive thinking. I learned the power of positive thinking while I was quitting smoking, and I used the lessons of that challenge to help me with every other challenge I’ve faced since. Quitting smoking, as most smokers (and ex-smokers) know, is supremely difficult. There are many times throughout each day, in the first few weeks especially, when you feel like giving up. When you want just one cigarette (which leads to two …). When you just don’t see the point of all this suffering. And yet, if you realize that it’s just negative thinking, you can squash that negative thought like a little bug. Then replace it with a positive thought (I CAN do this!) and you’re back on the road to success. Recognize negative thoughts, squash them, and find positive thoughts to replace them. Works every time.
- Failure is a stepping stone to success. This is what I tell myself every time I fall. I get up, dust myself off, and start again. Each failure shows you an obstacle you didn’t anticipate, and you can plan to beat that obstacle next time. Each failure brings you that much closer to winning. And you know what? Every single time I’ve told myself that, so far, it’s been true. I’ve succeeded. Getting back up is the main thing.
- Practice patience. This is what I tell myself when I get frustrated, when someone is difficult, when I begin to lose my patience. First, I vent somehow (talking to a friend or my wife is one of the best ways for me). Then, I tell myself that this is a great way for me to practice my patience. Sometimes, I have to repeat this to myself like a mantra, but it works nonetheless.
- Learning experience. Similar to the “stepping stone to success” trick above, but it can be used for anything, not just failure. If I make a mistake, if I make the wrong choice, if I have a bad day … I just see it as an opportunity to learn. Then I review it in my head, trying to figure out what went wrong, trying to learn from my mistakes. If you see learning as a wonderful thing, as I do, then you can see every mistake as a blessing.
- Makes you stronger. “That which does not kill us only makes us stronger,” goes the famous saying. And while that’s not always true (sometimes we can be left weakened and ruined), I’ve found it to be true in most cases. Something is difficult? I will be a stronger person for having endured it. This has been the case for me when I went through problems as a teen-ager (I ran away from home and slept in Golden Gate Park in S.F.), when I went through a divorce seven years ago, when I had stressful and trying times at various jobs. I became a better person because of it.
- Test of your character. I like tests and challenges. It motivates me to step up to another level, to see if I can meet the challenge. This is the case with my first marathon, which was very difficult for me (for various reasons). It wasn’t a particularly enjoyable experience for me, but I just saw it as a test. And when I passed that test, it was a joyous thing for me. This is true any time you go through a trying time — see it as a challenge, and try to meet that challenge. And when you do, you’ll feel great about yourself.
- Turn the other cheek. Jesus said that instead of taking an eye for an eye, if someone hits you, just turn the other cheek. I don’t know many people who can meet this monumental challenge. I’ve tried it. It’s not easy, and the desire to avenge any wrongs is hard to quash. However, I believe that even making an effort at this will make you a better person. It goes not just for physical wrongs to you, but anything that anyone does to you. They call you a name? Thank them. There will be some people who say that you have to meet force with force, or people will walk all over you. To this I say, “Where does it end?” And I also say, “You are merely stooping to their level.” Rise above the pettiness of others, and become a better human being.
- Love your enemy. I wrote about this recently as one of life’s greatest challenges, and it belongs on this list. When you have anger toward another human being, give this a try. If you succeed, to any degree whatsoever, you will rejoice in this success. It is a miraculous thing.
“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” - Winston Churchill
译文:
翻转你的生活：8个小技巧把腐朽为神奇
“跌倒七次，要站起来八次”——日本谚语
不可避免地生活有时候不按你的想法进行。你的日程变得乱七八糟；不能按计划执行锻炼计划；一些人在算计你；你想结束一些事情；你想圈着身子哭一场。生活抛出各种打击，并且给我们留下气妥、生气、失败感、绝望感、疲劳感。一旦我们进入了那种坏境地——一种什么都不在乎的情绪中，就很难从中走出来。
在这里，让我跟大家分享一个使自己已快乐和上进的小秘密：所有的烦恼都只是在你的头脑中。当然，看起来并不是这样。看起来像是生活中的所有石头和箭都掷向我们。我们就像是一个失败者。但是真的，一切都只是在你的头脑中。
我怎么能仅把它看成精神上的问题，就把你生活中发生的一切可怕的事情变得平凡呢？不过它确实就是这样，一旦你意识到——你就有能力改变你的处境我要告诉你，这不是一个容易的事情，是一件难以致信的，非常难的事情。改变你的思想并改变你的生活是精神上一道需要巨人泰坦才能跨越的障碍。但是这是能够完成的。仅需要一些精神上的小技巧，和大量的精力和愿望去保持一个开放的思想。
“担忧经常使细小的事情产生区大的阴影。”—— 瑞士谚语
让我告诉你一个例子：在过去的几年里，我都坚持运动。事实上我喜欢跑步和筋疲力尽的感觉，但是有些时候我什么事都不想做，或者有时感觉不太舒服。那些日子会持续一周，而一周之后又会变成几周。然后我就感到自己已经从运动的列车中掉下来再也回不上去。
然而当我用了下面前几条技巧之后，我的精神状态就发生了改变。我转变为乐观的态度，认识到我不能坚持锻炼仅仅是我健康之路上的一个台阶。回首以往，我已经经历了6、7个这样的失败，或者说是台阶。它们都使我在健美的路上走到更远。今天，我几乎每天都运动，而我也喜欢运动。
我其他的成功也跟这个一样。就拿这个博客做例吧，在我的眼中它也是一个成功，我所指的是我受到不好的评价和邮件的打击。我甩丢那些打击，并且用它们来帮助我进步。
在我还清债务的过程中我也遇到了很多挫节，但通过不放弃，最终我成功了。我曾经面对过很多对我耐性和性格的考验，并且在当中很多次失败了。但通过练习，我变得更好了，当然我还不是完美。我知道只要我的想法不改变我会坚持一直提高自我。
一切都在于你的思想。以下就是用来把任何坏事情变成很棒的事情的8个小窍门。
1、乐观思想的威力。我在戒烟的过程中知道了乐观思想的威力，并且从那以后我都用从那次挑战中学到的道理帮助我面对每一个挑战。绝大多数吸烟人士（和以前的吸烟人士）都知道戒烟是一件极难的事情。每一天当你想就一根（当然有了第一根就会有第二根），或者当你不知道受这些折磨的目的是什么时，你都会想放弃，特别是在开始那几个星期里。直到你认识到那只不过是消极思想，你就可以像捏碎一只小虫子那样把这些消极思想粉碎。然后把它取代成积极乐观的思想（我可以做到这个），这样你就又回到了通向成功的道路上。认识消极思想，粉碎它们，寻找积极乐观思想取代它们。每一次都管用。
2、失败是成功的垫脚石。每次跌倒我都会告诉自己这句话。我爬起来，拍拍身上的灰尘，然后继续前进。每一个失败都向你展示一个你之前没有预料的困难，然后在下次你就可以有计划地战胜这个困难。每一次失败都使你更加靠近成功。你知道吗？每次我这样告诉自己，都证明了它是对的，我成功了。重新站起来是最重要的事情。
3、耐心，耐心。当我感到气馁，当有人遇到困难，当我开失去耐性时我都会告诉说：要有耐性。首先，我会找方法来发泄自己（本人的最好办法是告诉我朋友或我夫人。）然后，我告诉自己这是一个锻炼我耐性的极好机会。有时候我会像唱歌那样重复地告诉自己，虽然如此它依然有效。
４、积累经验。跟上面所说的成功垫脚石技巧类似，但是这个对任何事情都有用，不仅仅是对失败。如要我犯了一个错误，如果我做了一个错误的选择，如果我过了糟糕的一天，我会把它看成是一个学习的机会。然后我在头脑中把它重复一启遍，努力寻找出我到底错在哪了，并从我的错误中学习。如果你能像我一样把学习看成一件令人愉快的事情，那你就可以把每一个错误看成一个福赐。
５．使自己更加强大。有一个著名的说法：杀不死你的东西只会让你更加强大。当然这并不总是正确的（有时我们会可能会因此而变得虚弱并被毁灭），但我发现在大多数情况下它都是正确的。当我十多岁碰到困难时（我离家出走，睡在S.F.的金门公园我），当我渡过七年前的离婚时，当我各种工作中受到压力和感到难受时，这个说法都是正确的。因为它，我变得比以前更加优秀了。
6．考验你的性格。我喜欢考验和挑战。它能激励我走到更高的层次，检验我是否能接受挑战。由于某些原因，对于我来说是非常困难的第一次马拉松比赛就是这种情况。这个运动对我来说不是一个特别的享受，但我把它当作是一个考验。当我通过了考验后，它是一个非常快乐的事情。把它当作是一个考验，然后努力去完成挑战，每次渡过困难时期你都会发现是这样的。当你做到了，你会为自己而感到很自豪。
7、宽容。耶稣说过，当有人打你的时候，与其以眼还眼，不如转过另一边让他打。能够完成这样挑战的人，我认识得不多。我曾偿试过。这不是一件容易的事情，对伤害的报复欲望是很难消除的。然而，我认为即使做一个这样的努力也能使你变得更加优秀。不仅对身体上的伤害要这样做，对于任何人对你做的任何事情也要这样做。当有人给你起一个绰号，你就谢谢他们。当然有人会告诉你要以暴制暴，否则别人会踏在你头上。针对此，我说：怨怨相报何时了？同时我还要说：“如果那样做，你也堕落到跟他们一个层次。”舍弃他人的卑鄙，做一个更加优秀的人。
8．爱上你的敌人。最近我写了一些关于这个话题的东西，我认为这个是人生中最大的挑战，同时它也属于这8个技巧中的一个。当你对某人生气时，偿试下这个技巧。如果你成功了，无论你成功到哪一个程度，你到会为此成功感到高兴，这真的是一件非常奇妙的事情。
悲观者总在机会中看到困难，乐观者总在困难中看到机会——邱吉尔