A lot of people would have you believe that trying to stay positive and upbeat all the time is the path to happiness.
While I agree that maintaining a positive attitude and looking on the bright side of things is important, it's definitely not everything. If you're so focused on the positive that you're in denial of the negative parts of your life, you have a problem.
Ignorance isn't bliss if you're efforts to ignore are in vain. Trying to repress your problems and look on the bright side of things isn't going to solve anything. In fact, it can make them
worse.
So if staying positive and putting a smile on your face isn't everything, then what is? I think the answer is really taking a closer look at why you're feeling like crap in the first place. Simply smiling and looking on the bright side is like trying to put a band aid on a cut throat. It just doesn't cut it.
Here's my advice on hacking at the root of negativity, instead of clipping the twigs and the leaves:
- Pay attention to what's making you feel negative. It all starts with awareness right? A lot of people don't want to face their negative emotions. And for good reason, it's unpleasant. But if we deny all our negative feelings, we're really denying ourselves and before long, there won't be much left.
- Realize that negativity is there to help you. Negative emotions and responses are their for a reason. They're trying to tell us something just isn't right. Instead of just feeling your negative feelings, try to dig deep and see what's causing them. You might have to go through a few layers of emotions before you find the root.
- Is it really important, or are you just whining? This is one of the most important questions you can ask and really forces you to be honest with whether you're just whining, or if your feelings are legitimate. After all, a really negative person, can make even the best situation seem terrible. In the same way an overly (unhealthily) positive person can make even the most negative situation seem positive.
See, this article. If you think you're just whining, complaining and making excuses, you probably are. This is the test if it's something that can be fixed with an adjustment of your attitude, or if it's going to take some deeper work.
- Untie the knot. In Buddhism, there's a concept called internal formations. Basically, when you have a negative emotion: anger, fear, frustration, depression, or despair, it's telling you there's something you need to take a look at. By simply accepting our negative feelings, we can witness the source and being to "untie the knot." When we find the root, we can go to work at what caused the knot to take form, and begin to discover how we can release it.
- Look at the root. After we untie the knot, it's important that we look at the root of the knot in the first place. Let's say you're feeling like crap because you don't like your job. So you untie the knot, you take a day off of work and recoup. But going to work at the root, means solving the problem that caused the knot in the first place. If you really hate your job, figure out why and find a way to fix it. That might mean changing positions, working with new people, or simply quitting. Do whatever it takes to solve the problem directly, instead of making a quick fix.
We can either use the personality approach, trying to remain positive, focus on what we're grateful for, etc. Or we can be honest and realize that our negative emotions are trying to tell us something: something sucks and we need to do something about it.
It's the difference between taking the red pill or the blue pill.
Do you want to live in truth, or denial? Jonathan
译文:
5个简单有益方法，让你感觉就像“废物”
乔纳森，卖德于08年7月25日在illuminatedmind.net 网站上，写了一篇关于如何减少烦恼的文章
很多人都和你一样，认为积极乐观的状态可以给我们带来快乐。
然而，我认为保持乐观的态度，总是以事态积极的一面看待问题，才是最重要的环节，当然面面俱到是不可能的事情。如果你总是乐观的看待问题，那么事情消极的一面总是不被关注，那也会出现问题。
无知是不值一提的，如果你忽略了这一点，也将会是徒劳，总是不理会问题的存在，而一味地关注好的一面，根本解决不了问题，相反还会将问题越弄越遭。
所以单单保持积极的态度，总是为好的事情而面带笑容，那不是面对事情的正确态度。那如何处理才算合理的那？还是好好研究一下，为何你总是感觉不能全面解决问题，单是看到积极的一面就如同将绷带绑在发炎的嗓门上，无事与补。
下面就如何根除这些负面的东西，谈谈我的想法，而不是单单去除旁支末梢。
了解关注那些使你感觉不快的事情
正确的认识问题尤为重要，很多人不愿直面消极的东西，感情等等。原因就是这些东西会让人不快，但是如果我们对这些消极的情感不予理会，那就等于我们否定我们自己，那很快也就会遗忘掉。
其实负面的东西有时是对我们有帮助的。
消极的情绪也是各有原因的。他们让我们知道那些东西不是太合适。不要单单为此烦恼，而是试着发掘原因所在，是什么造成的这样的后果。这样你就不自觉地对自己的情绪进行深刻地剖析，知道你找到真正的原因所在。
这一点很重要，就是你是否单单抱怨问题的出现？
你是否只是抱怨，这个尤为重要，因为有时就是在很好的事态下，也会让那些消极的人士把事情搞成一团糟。相反，如果一个积极乐观的人可以将一个看似糟糕的事情办得体体面面，充满乐意
读读这篇文章。如果你只是一味怨天尤人，抱怨，或是自我找借口，下面的这个实验就是让你试着改变自己的态度，看看问题是如何解决的。或是看看真的要做很多努力才能达到目的吗。
打个结
佛教就有个所谓的内成因，当你感到不快，害怕，低沉，忧郁或是绝望的时候，那就意味着你要去正视它并接受这种情绪或是感情，因此你就可以发现问题所在，所谓的打个结。这样你就会很自然地就事论事地解决它。
正视问题的根源。
当我们就问题所在大完结之后，我们就要把它作为重要部分去解决。因为你无法热爱你的工作，所以感觉就像废物一样，你不妨放下手下的工作，好好休息一下，然后再重新开始自己的工作，因为你对问题所在已又了解，所以问题就会自然解决。如果你确实不爱这份工作，找出原因所在，然后尽力解决。可能是换工作岗位，和新面孔一起合作，或者弃掉这份差事。做一份让你喜爱的事情。
我们可以采用个性的方式解决问题，就是尽可能地保持积极乐观，做我们喜爱的事情等等。或是我们要积极应对我们消极的情绪，因为它们着实让我们明白一些东西，这些不快的事情我们也要积极面对。
红药丸和蓝药丸之间还是有所不同的。你愿意生活得真实些还是虚无哪？