“If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.” - Cicero
While many readers have noted my efforts and articles on self-improvement, what I haven’t stressed as much is the beauty of becoming content with what you have and who you already are.
I’m definitely a goal-oriented person — I always have my eye on a goal, whether that’s writing a book, running a marathon, improving my blog, waking early, losing weight, or one of a dozen other goals I’ve had (and usually achieved) in the last couple of years. And once I’ve achieved a goal, I begin looking for another: now that I finished my second marathon, I’m already looking for a third.
So isn’t that a contradiction? Doesn’t that seem to indicate that I’m not content with my life? Not at all. I’m extremely content with my life, with what I have, and with who I am. I have accepted that I am the type of person who will always be striving for a goal, the type of person who enjoys a challenge, and who enjoys the journey. It’s not the goal that matters to me — it’s the journey to get there that is so fun. And I’m content with being that type of person.
So contentment isn’t a matter with being content with your situation in life and never trying to improve it. It’s a matter of being content with what you have — but realizing that as humans, we will always try to improve, no matter how happy we are. If we don’t, we have given up on life.
Today I’d like to discuss contentment, and the amazing things it can do in all aspects of our lives. And then we’ll look at a few tips for getting to contentment.
“Happiness is self-contentedness.” - Aristotle
My Life
I’m going to use my life as an example here, only because I’m more intimately familiar with it than any other life. Looking back, I wasn’t always content. There have been times in my life when I wasn’t happy, when things seemed dismal, when I wish I had more. I wasn’t content with the way things were, and now I know that my outlook on life was a major contributor to my unhappiness.
We choose whether we are happy or unhappy. Read that sentence again if it’s not already something you consciously practice in your daily life. If you’re unhappy with your life right now, I will venture to guess that it’s because you’ve chosen to be unhappy. That sounds harsh, but in my experience it’s completely true.
You might say, “But my life is crap! Of course I’m going to be unhappy!” And I hear you: I’ve had those times when my job wasn’t going well, when my relationships weren’t going well, when my finances were very bad, when I was overweight, when my life was a mess.
But listen to this: I’ve had those conditions at several points in my life. And sometimes, I was unhappy in those kinds of conditions. And others, I was happy and content. So I’ve come to the conclusion — and it’s proven true time and again — that it’s not the conditions that make me unhappy, but my choice of thoughts, of attitude, of behavior.
What behaviors and thoughts and attitudes were different between my times of unhappiness and happiness? When I was unhappy, I focused on all the bad things in my life. Not only that, but I continually thought about how bad they were, and would complain, and would ask, “Why me?” I would let myself sink into inaction and eventually depression. I would be grumpy and cause those around me to be unhappy. That, in turn, only made the situation worse. It certainly didn’t help my job.
Let’s look at the times of happiness, in contrast: I focused instead on the good things in my life. Because while I had problems at my job and with my relationships and with my finances and health and all that … there were still good things. At least I had a job! At least I had someone who loved me! At least I wasn’t sick! At least I wasn’t bankrupt and homeless! I counted, instead, my blessings. I do this when things aren’t looking so good, and it turns me around.
I had a wife and beautiful children. I had the power to change my job. To simplify my life. To get out of debt. I had my health, even if I was overweight. I lived on a beautiful island with gorgeous beaches and wildlife and greenery. I had family around me who loved me. I had the power of my words, and my books that I loved reading. I had life!
And this outlook on life helped me to be happier. It improved my relationship, because I tried to appreciate my wife. It improved everything around me, in short — and we’ll take a closer look at those things next.
I was happy, despite my conditions, because I chose to be happy. I found contentment in what I already had, instead of wishing I had something else, instead of being discontented with what I had. Contentment not only made me happy, but it transformed my life in many ways. Here’s how.
Happiness
This is perhaps the most obvious area affected on this list, because many people see “contentedness” and “happiness” as one and the same. In many ways, they are, but it’s really a matter of focus. When you’re happy, it’s really a state of being, influenced by a number of factors, including contentedness.
Contentedness, on the other hand, is a matter of being satisfied with what you have. It focuses on what you have and don’t have instead of just being a state of being. It influences happiness. However, you can choose to be content, just as you can choose to be happy, and if you choose to be content, you will be happy.
There are many ways to become happy — you can become happy by doing certain things (running, getting into Flow, sex), you can become happy because you are loved or in love, you can become happy because you just won a competition or a million dollars. Being content is just one way to be happy, but it’s a great way.
Simplicity
Simplicity, of course, means many things to many people, but for me contentedness is at the core of simplicity. It’s about being content with less, with a simpler life, rather than always wanting more, always acquiring more, and never being content.
Simplicity means examining why you want more, and solving that issue at its root. At the root of wanting more is not being content with what you have. Once you’ve learned to be content, you don’t need more. You can stop acquiring, and start enjoying.
Now, I won’t claim to never want stuff. I wanted a Macbook Air and I got it. It’s helping me to write this post and this book right now. (However, in my defense, I waited more than a month before buying it to make sure I needed it.) But while I am not immune to wants, I have learned to catch myself now and then, and to examine why I want something. And then I try to tell myself that I already have everything I could possibly want and need. And that contentedness leads to simplicity.
Finances
Really this is the same as simplicity, but I wanted to show it from a financial angle. The reason we get into financial trouble, oftentimes, is that we buy more than we can afford. And the root of that buying is buying things we want instead of only things we need, and the root of that is not being content with what we already have.
Finding contentment with the stuff you have and with a simpler life can lead to buying less, to buying things we need instead of want, and to only spending what we can afford. I know this first-hand, as uncontrolled spending led to debt for me, and contentedness led to me getting out of debt.
Relationships
Many times it seems that we’re never satisfied with our significant others. They don’t behave how we want them to. That’s often at the root of relationship problems, as many-headed as those problems may seem.
Instead, learn to be content with the person you love, just as they are. This isn’t always easy, as we are usually trained (by our well-intentioned but never-satisfied parents, and others around us) to do just the opposite — to try to change people. However, you will only find trouble if you try to change your significant other. You might get them to change their behavior (but most often not), but they will be unhappy, and in turn the relationship will suffer.
I will admit to having a problem with this at times, but when this happens, I try to remind myself to love my partner as she is, for who she is. She is a beautiful person, just as she is now, and there is absolutely no need to change her. This has always led to a better relationship for me.
Kids
As mentioned above, parents are often not satisfied with their children. They need to be cleaner, better behaved, better in school, more organized and studious, more courteous and kind and compassionate, better groomed and better at sports. Well, that leads to the relationship problems mentioned above, later in the kids’ lives, as they have learned to never be satisfied with others and to try to change them.
It also leads to inferiority complexes in our children, in unhappiness, and in bad relationships with them. Instead, we should learn to love our children unconditionally, to accept them for the people they are, and to let them know this through not only our words but our actions.
Accept children for who they are, and they will be happier, and so will you.
Jobs
Should we be content with our jobs? Well, I won’t say that you should stick with a dead-end job and a boss that treats you like dirt. If you’re unhappy with your job, change it. That’s been my approach and it’s worked for me.
However, I have learned that being a content person in other areas of my life, and being content with my life in general, has generally helped me at any job. Discontented people tend to be complainers, or grumpy, or negative. That leads to problems at the job. People who are content tend not to complain and tend to have a more positive attitude, and in my experience that almost always leads to more opportunities, both within the job (promotions, new projects, etc.) and outside the job (job offers, networking, etc.).
Social change
I’ve heard some writers say that people like me, who preach happiness and contentedness and a positive outlook on life, are teaching people to accept social injustice and not strive for change. I disagree completely, and as someone who would like a freer society than the one in which we currently live, I have given this much thought.
My favorite social disrupter, Gandhi, had two seemingly contradictory quotes on the subject of contentedness. The first: “Man’s happiness really lies in contentment.” And the second: “Healthy discontent is the prelude to progress.”
This might seem confusing until you look at how Gandhi brought about change. He was discontent with the system of oppression in his country, so he sought to change it. However, he was content as a person, with who he was and what he had in his personal life. This inner content allowed him to have the inner power to face (and eventually beat) the very powerful authorities in his country at the time. He could face them because nothing they could do to him could take away his happiness. They could take away all his possessions, throw him in prison, take away even food, and he was content.
He taught his fellow countrymen the same lesson, to make the best of what they had in India (making their own simple clothing, making their own food) instead of wanting the commercial goods from foreign countries. Being content with such simplicity would give them the independence from foreign commercial powers, and eventually (as they are part of the same organism) foreign political powers.
So social change can still happen if you are content with yourself, with your life, but not content with the system of oppression around you. This system, in my opinion, is responsible for holding us down, for the deaths of millions of people in Third World countries … but it isn’t until we learn to be content with what we have, and free ourselves of our dependence on commercial goods, that we will be able to change the system for good.
Getting to Contentment
So if contentedness is so great, how do you get there? That’s not always easy, but here are some things that have worked for me:
- Count your blessings. I mentioned this above, and in a previous post, but for me it’s the best way to get to contentment. When you find yourself unhappy with something, or with what you don’t have, take a moment to count all the good things in your life. And I would bet there are many. It puts the focus on what you do have rather than what you don’t.
- Stop, and remind yourself. When you find yourself unhappy with someone, or trying to change them, stop yourself. Take a deep breath, and remind yourself that you should try to be happy with that person for who he/she is. Take a moment to think about the good things about that person, the reasons you love that person. Then accept their faults as part of their entire package.
- Stop, and consider why you want something. When you feel the urge to buy something, think about whether it’s a need or a want. If it’s a want, take a pause. It’s good to wait 30 days — keep a 30-day list … when you want something, put it on the list with the date, and if you still want it in 30 days, you can buy it). Consider why you want something. Are you not content with what you already have? Why not?
- Take time to appreciate your life! I like to reflect on my life, and all the good things in it, on a regular basis. I do this when I run, or when I watch the sunset or sunrise, or when I’m out in nature. Another great method is a morning gratitude session — think of all the things and people you’re thankful for, and thank them silently.
- Show people you appreciate them. It’s good to appreciate people, but it’s even better to show them. Give them a hug, smile, spend time with them, thank them out loud, thank them publicly.
- Breathe, and smile. Once again, advice from one of my favorite monks, but it works in this context. Sometimes when we take the time to breathe, and smile, it can change our outlook on life.
- Learn to enjoy the simple things. Instead of wanting to buy expensive things, and spend money on doing things like eating out or entertainment, learn to enjoy stuff that’s free. Conversations and walks with other people. Spending time outdoors. Watching a DVD or playing board games. Going to the beach. Playing sports. Running. These things don’t cost much, and they are awesome.
“God’s gifts put man’s best dreams to shame.” - Elizabeth Barrett Browning
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译文:
知足，力量无限
一座花园加一所图书馆，就能满足你全部的生活所需。——西塞罗
许多读者都已经注意到我在自我改善方面所付出的努力以及创作的文章，然而，关于知足的快乐，不论是满足于现在所拥有的，还是满足于自己的身份，我并没有用太多的文字强调。
我是一个彻底的目的主义者——我永远把目光聚焦在目标上，无论写书，跑马拉松，更新博客，早起，减肥，或是多年前的许许多多的其他目标（这些目标大都实现了）。一旦我达成了目标，我就开始寻找下一个：既然跑完了第二个马拉松，我已经开始寻找第三个了。
那么，这不是与知足矛盾么？这不恰恰说明我对于生活并不满足么？其实不然。我对于生活，不论是我所拥有的，还是自己的身份，都十分知足。我承认我是那种永远追求目标的人，乐于接受挑战，享受过程。对我而言，目标不是最重要的，因为达成目标的过程太令人激动了。我知足我是这样的人。
正因如此，知足，并不是满足于现状，不思进取，而是满足于自己所拥有的——但作为人类，我们将时刻努力尝试进步，不管此时的自己是如何的快乐。如果不进步，人类无疑是放弃了生命。
现在我要探讨的话题是知足以及知足在生活的方方面面发挥的巨大作用。之后会介绍给大家一些如何知足的
知足者常乐。——亚里士多德
我的生活
我将以我自己的生活作为例子讲解知足，因为对于我的生活，没有人比我自己更熟悉。回想过去，我并不是个总是知足的人。有些时候，我不开心，事情看上去不乐观，我渴望得到更多。我看不惯一些事情，现在明白了，是我把自己的不快归因于生活。
快乐还是难过，我们自己选择。如果你在生活中还没有刻意践行这句话，请再读一遍。如果你对于现在的生活不满，我回大胆的猜测原因是你自己选择不快乐。听起来这句话不入耳，但以我的经验，这话一点都不假。
你可能会说，“但我的生活是彻底的败笔，我当然不会幸福啦！”我也听见你们当中的人抱怨：我也有这样难过的日子——工作不顺，人际关系处理不好，资金困境，体重超标，生活一团糟。
请听听下面的话：我的生活中，有许许多多这样的阶段。有时候，在这样的状态下，我也很难受。但在其他的时间，我很幸福，很知足。因此我得出结论——事实一次次证明这结论正确——快乐与否，不是条件所定，而在于人对想法，态度，行动的选择。
在我感到幸福或难过的时候，行动、思想、态度有什么不同呢？我不高兴的时候，总是关注生活中的不幸。不仅如此，我还会持续地考虑这些不幸有多糟糕，继而抱怨，质问：为什么是我？我沉溺于静止无为，最后陷入沮丧。我的脾气这时候也会特别暴躁，令我周围的人怏怏不乐。这反过来又使我的处境更糟糕。这当然不会对我的工作有任何帮助。
来看看高兴时的状况吧。与上文相反：我关注生活中积极的事情。我的工作、人际关系、资金、健康等方面都有问题，但还是好的。至少我有工作！至少有人爱我！至少我没生病！至少我没有破产！至少我不是无家可归！这一次，我数着生活当中的好事情。在事情不是很好的时候，这样做使我能转身看到光明面。
我有妻子，有可爱的孩子。我能改变工作，简化生活，还债。我有点胖，但还算健康。我住在一座美丽的岛上，那里有壮丽的海岸，成群的野生动物，郁郁葱葱的树林。我的家人都还在我身边，并且很爱我。我的语言能够影响他人，我喜欢读自己的书。我拥有生活！
这样看待生活，我会更开心。因为我试着欣赏妻子，我的人际关系变得融洽了。这样的生活观改变了我周围的所有，一句话——我们更加关注周围的人和事了。
我很幸福，不是因为我出的环境，而是因为我选择快乐的生活。不期许再用有什么，不抱怨拥有太少，我在自己所拥有的事物中，找到满足。知足不仅仅使我快乐，它还改变了我生活的方方面面。下面列举一些：
快乐
这也许是知足最具影响力的方面了，因为许多人将“知足”与“快乐”看做一回事。从很多方面上讲，二者确实区别不大，但重点不同。快乐是一种被许多因素影响的状态， 其中包括知足。
另一方面，知足是满足于你的所有。知足的重点是你所拥有的而非只是一种状态，它影响着快乐。但是如同你可以选择快乐一样，你也可以选择知足，选择知足，你将拥有快乐。
获得快乐的方法有很多——从事某种活动（如跑步，专心工作，性爱）；爱与被爱；或仅仅因为赢了比赛，中了百万奖金。知足只是获得快乐的一种方法，但是是一种伟大的方法。
简朴
简朴对于不同的人而言，有不同的意义。但我认为，知足是简朴的核心。这意味着要满足于少量的财产，满足于简朴的生活，而非一味追求更多财富，获得更多金钱，永远不满足。
简朴意味着检讨自己想索取更多的原因，并从根本上解决这个问题。想要索取更多的根本原因是不满足于已经拥有的东西。一旦学会知足，你就不会需要更多东西。你可以停止索取，并开始享受你所拥有的一切。
现在我不再想要那些没有实际作用的东西了。我曾想拥有一台超薄笔记本电脑，现在我得到了。我用它写完了这封邮件和这本书。（声明一下，在我确定自己确实需要它之前，考虑了一个多月。）然而我并不能抵御所有欲望，我需要时时把握自己，查询自己想的到某样东西的缘由。我告诉自己，我已经拥有了自己所想所需的一切东西。这种知足会使人变得简朴。
收入
收入同知足的关系，与简朴几乎一样，但我想从经济的角度说明这个问题。我们陷入财政危机的原因往往是买了我们买不起的东西。出现这种危机的根本缘由是我们买了我们想要而非必须的东西，买想要而非必须的东西的原因恰恰是不满足于已有的事物。
在已拥有的东西中找到满足，生活俭朴，我们自然会少买许多东西，买我们所需而非所想，买我们买得起的东西。我从亲身经历中学到这些，因为无节制的花钱让我债务累累，而知足使我摆脱债务。
夫妻关系
我们似乎很多时候对自己身边重要的人怀有不满。他们的行为与我们所预想的并不相同。这常常是许多人际关系问题的根源所在，这些问题跟他们的外表一样千头万绪。
事实上，我们得学习如何对我们所爱的人满意，满意他们现在的样子。这并不简单，因为我们出于善意而又永不满足的家长及身边的其他人都教育我们做与之相反的事情——尝试改变他人。然而尝试改变身边重要的人的唯一结局就是陷入麻烦。你可能想要他们改变行为习惯（他们常常不会），但他们会不高兴，反过来你同他们的关系会越来越紧张。
我承认有时自己也会面临这种问题。但发生这种问题后，我会努力提醒自己爱我的妻子，爱她本来的样子，爱她之所以为她。她很美，现在的她就是这样，没有必要改变任何事情。这会使我们的关系更融洽。
孩子
正如上文所提到的，家长永远对孩子不满。他们认为，孩子应该更加聪明，更乖一点，在学校表现更好些，更有组织更好学，更有礼貌更好更有同情心，打扮的应该更漂亮，体育方面更突出。这下好了，所有的“更”导致了上文所提的关系问题，在孩子将来的生活中，他们会把自己受到的教育付诸实践——对他人不满，尝试改变他人。
这还会引发孩子们的自卑情结，源于沮丧，源于糟糕的人际关系。相反的，我们应该学会无条件的爱我们的孩子，接受他们，让他们不仅从语言上，更从行动上，学会知足。
接受孩子现在的样子，他们会更快乐，你也一样。
工作
我们应该对工作满足么？我并不是要你坚持做一份毫无希望的工作，也不是让你永远为一个把你看成垃圾的老板打工。如果你不喜欢现在的工作，就换换吧。这是我的方法，在我身上确实管用。
然而，我学会了生活的其他方面如何做一个知足的人。对自己的生活大体满意，对我的工作大有帮助。
心怀不满的人常常会抱怨，或者脾气暴躁，态度悲观。所有这些都导致工作出问题。知足的人往往很少抱怨，态度积极，我的经验告诉我，这总能使我得到更多机会，不论是班上（晋升，新项目等），还是下班后（工作机会，人际网等）。
社会转变
我听一些作家说，像我这类追求快乐，懂得知足，生活乐观的人，是在教育周围的人接受社会不公，不要尝试改变。我坚决反对这种观点，正如一个希冀更加自由的社会的人一样，我对此思考良久。
我最欣赏的社会破坏者甘地先生有两句关于知足的话，看上去很矛盾。第一句：人类真正的快乐建立在知足之上。第二句：健康的不满是进步的序曲。
也许你的疑惑只有在了解甘地如何开始改变后才能解除。他对国内的压迫不满，因此寻求改变的方法。然而，他是一个知足的人，他对自己的状况及自己所拥有的东西都十分满意。这种内在的知足使他有勇气面对，最终抨击国内强大的政府权威。甘地能面对权威，因为他们无法带走他的快乐。政府权威可以夺走甘地的所有财产，把他关进监狱，甚至不给他饭吃，但甘地依然满足这样的日子。
他告诉自己的同胞同样的教义，即全面利用自己所拥有的东西（如自己动手，丰衣足食），而非等待外国的经济救济。印度人民满足于简朴的生活，因而摆脱了对国外的经济依赖，最终（由于他们来自同一组织）获得了政治独立。
因此，如果你满足于自己的状况，满足于自己的生活，但不满足于自己周围的社会制度，这个社会依然会因此而改变。我认为，这种制度是压迫、蹂躏千千万万第三世界国家民众的最终原因。但只要我们学会满足于自己的所有，不依赖于物质财富，我们就能改变这种社会制度。
如何获得满足感
既然知足如此伟大，我们怎样获得满足感呢？这并不简单，但下面的几种方法对我很有效。
多想想自己的幸事。我在上文和一封信中都已经提到了这一点，对我而言，这是获得满足感的最佳方法。当你发现自己正为某些东西，或某些自己没得到的东西发愁时，花点时间想想生活中你已得到的好事。我打赌，肯定有很多。多关注自己已有的东西，少想那些没得到的。
停下来想想你为什么渴望得到某些东西。当你有买东西的强烈欲望时，想想这是生活的所需，还是只是你所想。如果只是所想，先等等。最好等30天——写一张30天的购物单。。。。。。当你想买某样东西时，在单子上写下日期，30天以后，如果你还想买的话，那么出手吧。思考你想买某样东西的原因。你是否不满于自己所拥有的东西呢？为什么？
花时间欣赏生活！我喜欢在常规的基础上思考自己的生活，特别是生活中好的方面。我会在跑步的时候思考，或是在看日出日落时，抑或在户外的大自然里时。早晨的感恩时间是另一个好主意——想想自己所感恩的人和事，静静地感谢他们。
让他人知道你欣赏他们。欣赏他人是件好事，但让他们知道就更好了。拥抱他们，朝他们微笑，常跟他们在一起，大声感谢他们，在公众面前感谢他们。
深呼吸，微笑。这也是我最喜欢的一个大师告诉我的。但在本文中，这个方法确实有用。有时候我们花的时间做个深呼吸，微笑一下，确实能改变我们的生活观。
学会享受小事。 不买奢侈品，我们可以把钱花在出门吃东西，娱乐，学会享受免费的东西。与他人聊天散步。多在户外活动。看DVD，玩其类游戏。去海边。做运动。这些事情花费不高，但很棒。
上帝的礼物使人的梦想变得渺小。——伊丽莎白·巴雷特·勃朗宁