People are always looking for ways to get closer to their significant other, and there are a lot of ways available (see this article for example). It's a worthy goal... a close and loving relationship is one of the best things available in this life.
The funny thing is that one of the best, and most natural, ways to get closer is also one of the most easily forgotten: touching. It's amazing how much difference it makes... and how easy it is to let it slip away.
Touch, especially skin on skin, causes your body to release a hormone called oxytocin. This hormone has been shown, in numerous studies, to be involved in bonding, trust, and possibly even generosity... all of which are, obviously, strong factors in how close your relationship is.
That's the scientific explanation... but you don't need the science to see the truth of it. Simply looking back at the history of your own relationship can show you just how important touch is.
When you first start a new relationship, you touch all the time... holding hands, hugging, kissing, and more. During this time, you are generally close and getting closer, to the point where you can't imagine it any other way.
As your relationship matures, though, many things start to distract you from touching each other as much, especially if you have children (one parent running after them while the other cleans up behind them, or at least that's the way it seems). Then, as time goes by with less touch, you get used to it, and accept the greater distance as a natural part of your relationship.
Then, as yet more things come up, you start touching even less, sometimes even to the point where it feels funny when you do... sort of a "Wow, we've barely touched all day" feeling. By this time, it's easy to forget how much you used to touch, and to blame the distance on other things.
On the other hand, it's really easy to turn that around, and get a clear reminder. All you have to do to get closer is both choose to make it a priority to make sure that you touch a lot, all day. It takes a few minutes, maybe even as much as an hour if it's been long enough, but if you keep it up, you'll feel yourself relaxing and opening up... which means that you can easily get closer.
Making the change long term is a bit harder, though... it takes constant conscious effort, at first, to make sure that you do, in fact, keep touching. Without that constant attention and effort it is very easy to slip back into your old ways and lose the closeness that you are just starting to get back. It can take a few weeks for you to adjust, and make touching a lot your normal way to be again.
Touching even has benefits in areas outside your relationship, including having less stress and even beginning to heal from old mental wounds. Think about all the difficult and expensive ways people try to relieve stress, and then consider how easy it is to just touch your significant other.
So here's the "secret" - if you want to get closer emotionally, get closer physically: go hold your sweetheart's hand.
译文:
最易被人遗忘的亲密方式
人们总是在寻找促进与爱人之间亲密之情的方式，事实上存在许多触手可及的方法（这里有一篇文章中提供了一些例子）。这种寻找是值得一提的，因为一段亲密友爱的关系是生活之中可获取的重要事物之一。
然而让人好笑的是，最自然也是最重要的方法之一却是最容易被人遗忘的：触摸。触摸的重要性令人惊叹，而将其遗漏却也是何等的容易啊。
触摸，尤其是肌肤之亲，可以使你的身体产生一种叫做催产素的荷尔蒙物质。许多研究发现，这种荷尔蒙物质的产生同责任、信任、甚至可能同宽容相关。而责任、信任、宽容显然都是衡量关系亲密度的重要因素。
那是科学上的解释，但是你不需要通过科学来发现这一方式的重要性。只要回顾一下你自己的情感经历，你就会发现触摸这一方式有多么重要。
当你第一次展开一段新恋情，你在不停地与爱人接触：牵手，拥抱，亲吻等等。这段时间中，你们通常保持亲密关系，并且这种关系在朝你想象的极致逐步发展。
然而随着这段关系的成熟，许多事情都分散了你们像从前那样互相触摸彼此，尤其是当你们有了孩子之后（有了孩子之后的情形就变成这样，你和你的另一半一个人跟在孩子身后跑，另一个人在他们屁股后面收拾东西，至少情况似乎是这样的）。然后，随着时间流逝，你们之间的接触越来越少，你渐渐习惯并接受了彼此间越来越大的距离，仿佛这种距离成为了你们关系中理所当然的一部分。
然后，随着越来越多其他事情的出现，你们之间的接触爱抚变得更少，有时候甚至是到了一种互相接触却反而感觉奇怪的地步，那种奇怪的感觉像是在说：“哇，我们一整天几乎都没有接触啊。”直到此时，你很容易就忘记了过去你们是如何触摸彼此的，并且以其他事情为由责怪这种疏离。
另一方面，换个角度思考这个问题并得到明了的提示颇为简单。想要增强亲密之情，你所要做的就是确认双方都能给予每天大量接触以重视。这会花几分钟，足够长时甚至会花上一个小时，但是如果你坚持，你会发现自己得到放松和舒展，这也意味着你们能够轻而易举地走得更近。
然而要长期的改变绝非易事，一开始这需要花费长久自觉的努力来保证你真真切切地在不断触摸对方。没有那种长久的注意力和努力，你很容易就走回头路，而你刚刚开始挽回的亲密感也随之付诸东流。这一改变的过程可能会花上几个星期，然后使得经常性的触摸再一次成为彼此保持良好关系的正常方式。
触摸甚至会在感情之外的方面带来好处，包括减少压力，甚至是一些过去的心灵创伤也开始痊愈。想一想人们为了要减压而尝试的那些困难而昂贵的方法，再想一想只是触摸一下爱人是多么的简单。
“秘密”就在于此——如果你们想要在情感上走得更近，那就将身体也靠得更近吧：去紧握住你爱人的双手。