"I was at a party the other night and I got trapped in the corner by a man who just talked and talked and talked. I tried to give him the signals to end the conversation, but he didn't pick up on them. What a bore."
Teaching children how to communicate politely and effectively is one of a parent's most important tasks. Assuming that children will learn proper communication skills without parental guidance is a big mistake. Parents should begin teaching their children basic communication skills at birth and continue to hone their child's skills as the child matures. Communicating well with others is a basic tenet of society.
Daily conversations with children are an excellent way for parents to model basic communication skills. Deliberate conversations with children, using polite conversational skills, help lay a foundation for good communication later in life. The parent's ultimate goal is to raise a person who converses courteously, who listens to what others say, and who is able to clearly express his or her own thoughts, ideas and opinions.
On page 195 of her book, Emily Post's Etiquette, Peggy Post lists six basics of communication that parents should teach to their kids.
First, she advises, make eye contact. It is important that children be taught to establish eye contact with the person with whom they are speaking. Looking directly at the other person in the conversation shows interest and gives respect. Children need to be taught that looking away is a sign of disinterest and is not good manners.
Second, speak clearly and correctly. Using good pronunciation, not rushing speech and using good grammar are all aspects of communication that parents should model for children. Parents should pay attention to how their children are speaking and gently correct without embarrassing. There is no need to correct mistakes in front of others, doing so may cause children to feel self-conscious, inhibiting their speech in public.
Third, take turns and don't interrupt. Children must be trained not to jump into a conversation just because they feel like talking. It is important that parents curb this behavior and teach children self-control. When a child interrupts, the parent should stop their conversation, firmly tell the interrupting child to wait their turn, and then pick-up the conversation where they left off.
Fourth, pay attention and respond appropriately. Modeling good listening skills to children is the best way to teach good listening. When conversing with children, parents should listen attentively and repeat key phrases back to the child so that the child feels heard. Ask appropriate questions of the child and allow the child to respond. Show interest in what the child has to say. The best conversationalists are those who listen well.
Fifth, enter conversations politely. There is a correct way to join a conversation that uses good manners. If parents consistently demonstrate how to politely enter a conversation, overtime, children will learn the practice. Parents should show children how to approach the group quietly, smile to those in conversation, listen to what people are saying, and wait until they are spoken to before speaking.
It is also important for parents to teach children how to behave politely when someone joins an active conversation. Those in the group should smile and nod to recognize the person joining them, when the speaker finishes, the group can greet the newcomer and make introductions.
Finally, Post notes that one should end conversations pleasantly. Walking away from a conversation with good manners is a crucial skill to possess and one that parents should work hard at teaching to their children. Parents should encourage children to leave a conversation saying some pleasantry such as, "I promised my cousin that I would throw the ball with him and so I need to go now, but it was really nice talking to you."
Other important skills that parents should focus on when teaching children basic communicational skills are controlling volume, not using "potty talk" and keeping private matters private.
Parents should also help children to understand nonverbal communication and cues. Rude facial expressions like eye rolling and grimaces as well as yawning at a speaker, hair twisting, turning one's back to the speaker, finger nail picking and checking one's watch, are all bad manners. Children need to learn that their nonverbal actions and behaviors can make people feel badly. Learning to read other people's nonverbal cues is an important lesson too, and with time, children will begin to understand when to end conversations, finish a story or change a subject.
Being an adept communicator is a necessary skill in today's world. Children need guidance from their parents to learn how to communicate effectively and politely. Good listening skills, self-control, use of good grammar, and sensitivity are all skills that are learned. If parents start modeling conversation skills early, they will help their children develop refined and sophisticated communication behaviors that will benefit them greatly in adulthood.
译文:
“有一晚我参加一个晚会，在一个角落里被一个人截住，这个人一直不停的跟我说啊说。我试着给他信号，暗示他不要再说下去了，但是他却没有接收到。真让人烦。”
教会孩子如何礼貌又有效的交流，这是父母最重要的任务之一。认为孩子不用父母教，就能学会正确的交流技巧，这种想法是大错特错了。父母应该从孩子出生就向孩子教授基本的交流技巧，并随着孩子不断长大，还要不断训练孩子的技能。很好的与其他人交流是基本的社会准测。
与孩子进行日常交流，这对父母来说是为孩子树立基本的交流技巧榜样的绝佳方式。与孩子进行深入讨论，使用礼貌的谈话技巧，帮助孩子在其随后的生活中建立良好的沟通基础。父母的最终目标是培养一个可以亲切交流、聆听他人讲话、且能够清楚表达自己的想法、主意和观点的人。
Peggy Post在她的书《Emily Post’s Etiquette》第195页列出了6项父母应该向孩子们教授的基本交流技能。
第一，她建议要有眼神接触。教孩子看着别人的眼睛说话，这非常重要。在谈话过程中直视对方的眼睛，这表示你对此话题感兴趣，并且尊重对方。需要教育孩子，说话时眼睛望向别处表示漠不关心，而且很不礼貌。
第二，说话清楚、准确。发音良好，语速不要过快，善用语法，在这些方面父母都需要给孩子树立榜样。父母应该注意孩子的说话方式，并在不让孩子尴尬的情况下逐渐予以矫正。不需要在其他人面前纠正他们的错误，这样做可能会让孩子感觉难为情，让他们在公共场合不敢说话。
第三，轮流说话，且不要插嘴。必须训练孩子不要插话，因为他们喜欢说话。父母必须抑制孩子的这种习惯，并教会他们自制，这非常重要。当孩子插嘴的时候，父母应该让他们不要说话，坚决的告诉孩子要等轮到其发言的时候再说，然后等他们停下来再继续刚才的谈话。
第四，适当注意并回应。给孩子树立认真聆听的榜样，这是教会孩子如何听别人说话的最佳方式。当父母与孩子说话的时候，他们应该注意聆听，并向孩子重复关键词语，让孩子感觉父母在听他们讲话。适当的问孩子问题，并让孩子做出回应。孩子说出的事情要表现出感兴趣。最好的交流者都善于聆听。
第五，有礼貌的参与谈话。有礼貌的参与谈话是正确的。如果父母一直示范如何有礼貌的参与谈话，过一段时间，孩子就会掌握。父母应该告诉孩子如何安静的接近谈话者，向他们微笑，听他们说话，等他们说完再发表自己的观点。
还有一点很重要的是，父母要教会孩子，当有人参与到一个积极的谈话中来的时候，孩子该如何礼貌的表现。谈话者应该微笑并点头示意此人加入他们，当有人发言完毕的时候，他们可以问候新来者，并彼此介绍。
最后，当有人应该结束谈话的时候，进行善意的提醒。有礼貌的从一个谈话中离开是一项重要的技能，父母应该努力教孩子学会。父母应该鼓励孩子离开一个谈话的时候，说有礼貌的话，比如“我答应我的表兄弟要跟他一起玩球，所以我现在要走了，很高兴与你聊天。”
还有一项重要技能也需要父母在教授孩子基本交流技巧的时候加以强调，即控制说话内容，不要说些“鸡毛蒜皮”的事，还要保护隐私。
父母还要帮助孩子了解非语言的交流和暗示。粗鲁的面部表情，诸如眼球乱转、扮鬼脸还有向交谈者打哈欠、绕头发、背对着交谈者、抠指甲和看表，这些都是很不好的礼仪。孩子要学会他们的非语言动作和举止可能会让其他人感觉很不好。学会读懂其他人的非语言暗示也是重要的一课，随着时间的流逝，孩子会懂得何时结束谈话，说完故事或改换话题。
在当今世界，熟练交流是一项基本技能。孩子需要从父母身上得到指导，学会如何有效又礼貌的交流。良好的聆听技巧、自我控制、善用语法、反应敏捷都是他们需要学习的内容。如果父母尽早开始示范谈话技巧，会帮助孩子发展优雅且成熟的交流行为，可让他们在成年后大获裨益。