Sit down. If you haven’t heard the news about teens this should make you and every other parent smile. And it’s about time. A seven-month study conducted by MTV and The Associated Press interviewed nearly 1,300 young people aged 13 to 24 years old. The results found that the majority of teens find the most happiness in family. What’s more, most respondents listed their parents (i.e. you) as their heroes. And (it gets even better) most young people (over three-quarters) said being with their parents brought them even more joy than being with their friends. What’s more, half say religion and spirituality are very important.
(Watch the video from the Today Show!)
This is great news. They like us. They really like us! These days, we usually hear the doom and gloom stuff about American teens, so these results couldn’t come at a better time.
Here are the five findings in the survey that I think all parents need to hear. I’ve included the good along with the bad news about what is really on the minds of our young people today. I’m also including a few parenting suggestions I shared on the TODAY show when I reported the results.
1. They like us! Not only did the teens say they like us, but they also want us in their lives. Wow! Word of warning: don’t wait for a personalized invitation from your teen. “Yo, Mom, lets go have a great talk about our family values.” The trick is that we parents still need to be a bit crafty and find ways to stay involved in our kids’ lives without invading their space. They do want privacy. They do want time with their peers.
Find ways to get into your kid’s zone. Find the time he is most receptive to talking and then be available. (Forget the first few hours in the morning. I swear teens are in a different time zone and don’t wake up until at least noon. Bless their teachers). I finally discovered with one of my kids that the best time was five o’clock in the afternoon—near the refrigerator. And that’s where I’d plant myself.
Watch the judgments and criticisms. Nothing turns a teen off faster. Listen twice as much as you talk. And wait. They are processing and sometimes those words take a little longer to come out. Finally, find “common connectors.” What are things you and your teen could enjoy doing together? Is it going to be a basketball game, yoga, a book club, exercising, watching Friends reruns, shopping. Find one common connector so you can stay involved together.
2. Tune up your behavior. The survey also revealed that teens put us as their top hero and role model. They choose their parents even over their friends. Such power we hold. Such influence! It also means our kids are copying our behavior. A word to the wise: Model what you want your kids to copy. Ask yourself every night one question: “If my teen had only my behavior to watch, what would he have caught today?” How are you doing? I swear kids come with videocam recorders planted inside their heads. They are watching us.
3. Money matters and concerns. Surprisingly, only one percent of teens listed money as the thing that would make them happiest. That one shocked me a bit because the research I read always stresses the materialistic nature of teens. The good news is that they are choosing relationships over money to bring them joy. Yes! Research also confirms that relationships are the single greatest source of happiness. On the other hand, 70 percent of teens still want to be rich in the future; 29 percent want to be famous. Nothing shocking there. After all, this is the “American Idol Generation.” Though the results may sound like a contradiction, the reality is teens (and mostly males) are concerned about their future. They say they are worried about money matters. It’s interesting to note that young people with highest-income families seem happier with life overall (hmmm) and middle income kids feel the most financial pressure. I don’t blame them. It’s tough out there.
4. Stress and pressure. Here was the big red flag. Thirty-eight percent of teens said they feel stressed frequently; 47 percent said they felt somewhat stressed. The biggest stressor for teens was school. This result confirms every other study I’ve read. Our kids are stressed and the stress is mounting. And why not? This is an era of “leave no child left untested.” A word to the wise: keep an eye on your child. Watch those stress signs. Watch his workload and her non-stop schedule. How does your child handle stress? What things exacerbate it? How well does your child cope with pressure? What can you do to reduce that stress? Those are the big questions today’s parents should tune into. What tools and strategies have you taught your child to handle stress? The key parent question is always: “Does the stress stimulate or paralyze my teen?” The answer tells you what direction you need to take for your child’s health and happiness.
5. The scary world. Safety did not rate very high among our kids. Only 29 percent of those polled felt very safe when traveling. Only 25 percent felt safe from terror attacks. The truth is, it’s a scary world to be growing up in. The tragic images and horrific experiences our young people have been exposed to in their short years are heart wrenching: Columbine. 9-11. Virginia Tech. Oklahoma Bombings. Global warming. The threat of a nuclear holocaust (the headlines in my newspaper today). Though we can’t prevent tragedies from occurring, we can help our children see the good parts about the world and people. Expose your teen to goodness. Clip out those articles about the wonderful, caring things people do. You'll find those articles tucked away in the back pages of the paper. Many parents cut them out and use them each night as “Good News Reports.” I love the idea. Our children deserve to hear the better parts of life.
For the most part the MTV/AP survey of our teens revealed promising, hopeful findings. What could be better than knowing our kids love us and want to be with us? They say their families bring them the most joy. That alone is grounds for celebrating. After all, the single greatest determiner in how our kids turn out is the strength of their relationship with their parents. We’re doing something right. Let’s just make sure we keep an eye on the stress and pressure today’s teens face.
译文:
究竟什么会使青少年开心起来
请坐。还没有听过这个关于青少年新消息的在座各位和其他家长们，可能在听过之后会感到欣慰了。该是这个时候，一个由音乐台和美联社为时7个月的对1300名13至24岁的青少年们以访问记录的方式进行的调查显示，大多数的孩子觉得家庭是幸福的。更有意思的是很多的孩子会将他们的父母，即在做你们看作心目中的英雄。让人欣慰的是约有四分之三的孩子认为与父母在一起要远比与朋友们相处时得到时的欢乐多。还有近半数的孩子认为信仰与精神的熏陶对他们同样重要。
这个消息太振奋了！他们爱咱们，他们真的喜欢咱们！这么多天来，我们一直被对美国青少年低沉忧郁的评论所困扰着，这个消息来得春风化雨般正是时候！
我认为以下五方面是作为家长都应该听一听的，包含了当今年轻人思想中真实的一面，好坏兼有。同时也加上了在《今天》节目录制过程中一些家长给我的一部分建议。
1. 孩子们是爱我们的！孩子们不仅像嘴上说的那样爱我们，他们同样希望我们进入他们的生活。哇喔！注意：别等你的孩子主动邀请你。“妈妈呀，咱们好好谈谈咱们家的大事呗～”父母的关键在于有没有这样一个能使自己自然的进入孩子的生活中而不是去闯进入他们生活的小手段。他们需要个人个人空间，也同样需要与同龄人在一起。
找个方法进入孩子的地盘。找个恰当的时间和他聊聊天都是很有益的。（千万不要选择每天早上那几小时，我坚信他们是不到快中午不会起来的，呵呵简直是另个时间区的人。这还多亏了有老师！）我觉得午后5点左右时最佳与我的孩子们来聊天的时间，在冰箱旁。我就是这么做的。
注意批评和批评的方法。没什么可以使一个孩子很快长大。说话之前要好好想想。最后，找出你们的“共同点”，想想什么是你和孩子可以一起享受的，是一起玩篮球，做瑜伽，读书，运动，看《老友记》，还是一起逛街？找到了共同点，你们自然可以很好的一起相处。
2.调节你的心态和举止。调查也同时表明很多孩子将家长视为英雄和学习的楷模。家长要比同友们重要得多。作为家长拥有这么多的权利和影响力，就同时意味着我们的孩子可能就是我们的翻版。谚语说得好：想让你的孩子成为什么样的人，就每天问问自己：“假如孩子们只能看到我的作风举止，他们今天都学到了什么！？”你做的如何？我坚信孩子们征用他们头脑里的小录像机来记录我们看到的点滴。
3.关于钱。让我感到惊讶的是在这样一个唯物主义充斥的环境下只有1%的孩子觉得钱可以使他们最快乐。让人欣慰的看出他们觉得亲人要比前带给他们更多的欢乐。是的，调查也同样证明了只有亲人才是最大的幸福动力。另一方面70%的孩子依然想要在将来变富有，29%的想成名。这并不奇怪，正是“美国偶像的一代”的特点。尽管仿佛结论有些矛盾，但事实上年轻人（尤其是男子）在关注自己的未来，关心钱的问题。值得一提的是高收入家庭的年轻人要看上去对生活满意，低收入家庭的孩子则要赶到经济压力。这并没什么好归咎的，现实的却是这样。
4.压力与紧迫感。这是最敏感的话题。38%的孩子觉得自己常常伴有压力，47%觉得偶尔会有。压力则主要来自学校。几乎每个我看过的报道都证明过这一点。孩子们承受着压力，压力也在增加。这是怎么回事呢？是因为现在”每个孩子都在比较中成长“。贤者认为：盯紧你的孩子，看好他们，关注他们每天的学习量和无休止的日程安排，观察他们怎样处理压力，什么会激怒他们，你的孩子怎样化解压力，你能怎样帮助他们走出困扰。这些都是当今父母们最重要的问题。你是如何传授孩子们处理压力的技巧的？父母们总是问这样的问题：“压力是激励还是在麻痹孩子的成长？”答案可以引领你找出如何使孩子健康快乐的方法。
5.提心吊胆的世界。安全感在孩子心理并不多见。在投票只有29%的孩子称当他们在旅行时觉得安稳。觉得安全不会受到恐怖袭击的只有25%。事实上一个没有安全感的世界正在滋长。悲剧性的画面刻在在孩子们幼小的扭曲了的心理。科隆比纳（英国喜剧中的定型角色，通常是潘塔隆内的女儿，并与丑角哈勒昆相爱），9-11，Virginia Tech（发生在弗吉尼亚大学的枪击案）Oklahoma Bombings，全球变暖，核武器的杀伤力（今天新闻的头条）。虽然我们没有能力禁止悲剧的发生，可我们能够帮助孩子认识到世界和平人类友好的一面。让孩子们心存美好。挑选出描写人们美事物的文章，展现人们关怀的文章，你会在报纸里找到很多。家长们将这些好的新闻剪下来，每晚像“播报好新闻”一样的读给孩子。我想这真是个好主意。我们的孩子应该享受生活好的一面。
音乐电视台和美联社的这次调查主给予了我们希望。有什么比意识到孩子是如此的爱我们如此的想和我们生活在一起更好的呢？他们说是家庭带给他们最大的乐趣，他们举行各种庆祝是因为害怕孤独。我们正在做些有有意的事。让我们更多关注他们所承担的压力，关注我们的孩子们吧！