I asked Are goals necessary? a few weeks ago, before the current wave of New Year resolutions (which for many are their only attempt at setting goals). Recently Mark McClure came back with an interesting rephrasing of the question - “Are goals necessary but not sufficient?”
My own reflections since writing that post have concluded that goals are necessary, and I have been very poor at using them! Recent research by Professor Richard Wiseman, University of Hertfordshire, looked at techniques people used for succeeding in last years resolutions. He found there were gender differences:-
Men were significantly more likely to succeed when they had been asked to set a goal for themselves: for example, instead of trying to lose weight, say by shedding a pound each week, they were told to focus on a measure of success, such as becoming more attractive to women.
Women were more successful when they told their friends and family about their resolution, or were encouraged to be especially resilient and not to give up because they had reverted to the old habits: for example, if dieting, treating a chocolate binge as a temporary setback rather than as failure.
Another technique I have come across the past week is finding a word to guide you through the year. Christine Kane argues that the problem with resolutions is they only focus on the “do” level:-
The reason most resolutions don’t work is that they address only one level of your life. The DO level. It’s the DO-HAVE-BE model. “I will DO this thing.” (i.e., Lose weight) “So I can HAVE this other thing” (Self-Esteem) and I can BE this thing. (Confident.)
The average New Year’s Resolution doesn’t address the core of the issue - the “BE” level.
The best order for creating positive changes in your life is the BE-DO-HAVE model. This means you start from the BE level. When you begin changing on the BE level of your life, then the DO level and the HAVE level follow more easily.
When you start only on the DO level, then all the blocks on the BE level will often become the obstacles you can’t overcome.
I must thank Drew McClellan for pointing me in the direction of Christine. Her post goes on to look at choosing one word that can guide us at the “Be” level. Is this sufficient? A slightly more macabre technique is suggested by Danial Turner. His starting point is your end point - a Eulogy. Write down what people will be saying about you at your funeral:-
What this does is puts things into perspective, what sort of person do you want to be, and how do you want to be viewed after you’re gone? […] Who do you want to be, what sort of person do you want to be?
I’ve heard about this technique before from the great Charles Handy - in fact I can recommend the final chapter of his autobiography “Myself and other important matters” which revolves around this topic:-
“Imagine yourself dying at a ripe old age. Write the short eulogy you would like your best friend to deliver for you at a memorial ceremony.”
The younger you are, the more difficult you will find this. It should help us focus on what really matters. If you did any of the reflections on 2007 I suggested in my last post, it would be worth adding - will any of what you did still seem important in ten years time?
What this all comes back to, is what do you really want? I’ve discussed the terms passion and burning desire, another word is dream. Do you have a dream? At a young age we may dream of becoming a world champion or being a celebrated actor or world leader - “leaving our footprints in the sands of time” (Handy).
I took the photograph above on New Years day. This shows chalk coastline said to have originally formed about 200 - 140 million years ago (give or take) and gradually eroded by the sea ever since. Most of us don’t have to travel far to find examples of our natural history that have been around much longer than any of us. Keep things in perspective.
We don’t put so much weight on having dreams that won’t get us into the national media. But I strongly believe that this is what most of us are missing. Before we set goals or resolutions, we need some drive - whether you call it a dream, passion, desire, or what/where you want to BE. To answer the question above, goals are necessary but are not sufficient. We need to dream. What do you think?
译文:
你有梦想吗？
几个星期前，就在人们正流行订下新年目标时，我还在寻思，我们需要目标吗？最近马克麦克莱莱尔回来后，他提出了个有趣的问题——目标是必须的，但仅有目标却是不够的吗？
在我写这篇文章之前，我反复思考后得出这样的结论：目标是必须的，而且我并不善于利用目标。赫特福德大学的理查德怀斯曼教授，研究了去年人们为了成功而用的伎俩后发现，在这方面存在着性别差异。
当男人被要求为自己设定一个目标时，他们更容易成功。比如，他们会计划每周减一磅的，而不是仅仅说着我要减肥这样的空话。他们重视取得成功的手段，包括怎样使自己更吸引女人。
当女人把她们的决心告诉朋友家人，或者当她们要重拾旧习惯时，有人鼓励她们要坚强不要放弃时，她们更容易成功。比如，在节食时，把狂吃一次巧克力当作暂时的反馈而不是看作失败。
在过去几周，我发现了另一个技巧，就是寻找一句能引导你一整年的话。克莉斯丁凯恩认为人们出现决心问题的原因是人们只重视行动这一层面.
大多数决心都不能起作用的原因是，人们只在生命中的一小阶段说这些话。是一种“行动，拥有，成为”的模式。人们会说：我要做一件事（比如减肥）。这样我就能拥有什么（比如自尊）。接着我就可以变得怎样（比如自信）。
通常的新年决心并没有解决问题的核心：要成为什么？
然而，要改变生活的最有好顺序是：“成为，行动，拥有”模式。也就是说，你先从确定自己要成为什么做起。当你从“成为”层面开始改变时，要达到“行动”和“拥有”层面就变得容易多了。
如果你从决定要做什么开始，那么在你通向目标的途中所碰到的困难将难以克服。
我必须谢谢杰米马克勒莱为我指明方向。她的文章告诉我必须选择能指引我们达到目标的一句话。那么这样就足够了吗？丹尼尔特努提出了一个更令人震惊的观点。他的起点可能时你的终点——悼词。你希望在你的葬礼上人们怎样描述你，写下来吧！
也就是说我们需要跟透彻的看待事物，你想成为什么样的人？你希望去世后人们怎样回忆你？等等。
其实在这之前我就听说过这种观点。那是在伟大的查尔斯汉迪自传的最后一章里，我想把这一章称作“我自己和其它重要的事情”，这和我们现在讨论的话题关系重大。
想象一下你在暮年归西。请写下你希望你的好朋友在葬礼上为你念的悼词。
你越年轻，就越难做到。这能帮组我们发现什么才是最重要的。如果你想对反思2007年，我在这篇文章的最后建议大家，想一想你所做的一切十年后还如此重要吗？这非常值得思考。
这所有问题的根源是，你到底想要什么？我先前也提到过了热情欲望这样的词.换句话说就是梦想。你有梦想吗？年轻时我们可能梦想成为世界冠军或知名演员或世界级领导人。——把你的脚印埋在了时间洪流中.(汉迪)
我从新年里拍的照片发现，在两亿到一亿四千万年前就形成的海岸线至今才刚开始腐蚀。我们身边随处可见的大自然，比我们任何一个人的历史都长。更透彻得看待事物吧！
我并不认为梦想能使我们融入自然。但我深信这正是绝大多数人所或缺的。在我们制定目标或下定决心前，我们需要一些动力，你可以称它为梦想，热情，渴望，你想成为的人，或者任何其它的说法。对于前文所提出的问题，我的回答是：目标是必须的，但仅有目标是不够的。我们需要梦想。你觉得呢？